Archive for February, 2006

Even the Windows are Clean

February 20th, 2006 at 9:19 pm » Comments (21)

(Before I jump in here, let me clarify something about my Big Run-In With The Law: I had to sign something promising to call the judge by a certain date. Not optional. Yikes!)

On with the post…

I was greatly excited last week to find new housecleaners. Housekeepers, maids? I don’t know. But I go through them way quickly, as some don’t like me, I don’t like others, and still others? Don’t clean floors. Really. Some DO NOT clean floors. Whaaa?

Anyway, I like the new ones, they like me, and they do floors. Which is important, because if my floors are dirty, it just feels like the whole house is dirty.

They’re a married couple and lovely. But today they arrived an hour late and in a fight. Can you say, ‘awkward?’ He had forgotten the cleaning rags, and she was furious with him. I got them some of mine, tried to lighten the mood, no dice. Then she came over to me and asked if she ‘had to clean’ a certain room, since it was especially messy with ‘stuff everywhere.’ (It wasn’t, actually – she should see that room normally!) What do you say? Um, ‘yes you do, because that’s why you’re here?’ Seems snotty, huh? I smiled and said ‘of course not.’ Because, hello? She’s mad. And technically, of course, she doesn’t have to clean anything she doesn’t want to and I am so blessed by her superior domestic skills and please please don’t go away and make me find someone new! I’ve looked, and some of those other people DON’T CLEAN FLOORS, y’all.

So I packed up the babies and got myself out of there as quickly as is possible for one mom with a purse, a diaper bag, one toddler and one baby in a big carrier. Which, of course, is NOT fast enough. But we tried.

They were in a slightly better mood, collectively, when we returned a couple hours later. I hope this works, since I really, really  like them. And? Smiling and saying, "of course not’ was totally the right move, since sometime after my departure she cleaned the room she found most offensively messy and it looks wonderful now.

I’m certain things worked out between them, and this is not the norm. They have 12 kids. Yes, 12. And surely they’ve had bigger issues to resolve with raising those kids than forgetting a few minor supplies.

At least, that’s what I’m telling myself, because I really really like them AND they clean floors.

(And windows – inside and out! Who does that?!)

On the Way to Bible Study…

February 19th, 2006 at 11:45 pm » Comments (10)

I got pulled over. 70 mph in a 65. She gave me a warning, but I’m supposed to be wearing contacts and am not, (like, EVER) so I have to call a judge. Isn’t that a weird system?

"Oh, you’re not wearing contacts? Here’s a judge’s phone number. Call him and see what he thinks about that."

It’s just a little too much like when I tell the kids, "Oh, really? You won’t blah-de blah blah? Your dad’s almost home, and you can discuss it with him."

I really, really do not want to call that judge and confess that I was without corrective lenses, per license requirements. Do I get a stern talking-to? Time out? Rap on the hand, via phone? Do I actually talk to the judge, or is it just someone in the judge’s office?

Maybe I have issues with authority. And maybe I really should not have been speeding on the way to church.

Drumroll, please…

February 19th, 2006 at 3:38 pm » Comments (9)

Y’all are too funny. I giggled over all the comments as they came in. If you haven’t read the comments from the previous post, go now. It’ll be worth the laugh.

So, on the ‘which one is true’ game, here were the choices:

1. My wedding ring size is 3.5 (That’s just smaller than a dime)

2. I once attended a New Kids on The Block concert. I was in the 7th grade and went with my best friend, Misty.

3. My ob/gyn prescribed shoe shopping at a certain store mere moments before delivering Seth-4mth. (She and I share the same love of fun shoes)

4. There were hundreds of dead bugs floating in the baptismal when I was baptized.

5. I should not have graduated from high school, due to my huge number of absences (‘skip’ days).


Addressing the hilarious comments that accompanied your guesses, the following responses are necessary:

First, since when is ring size indicative of weight? I had no idea y’all thought little fingers meant little everything else. I’ve seen lots of little people with big fingers, and the other way around also. But extra points to those who said I looked thin, because that’s ALWAYS appreciated by moms of infants.

Second, I’m 30. That’s ok, right Geekwif?

Third, I asked Sarah, and it was Donnie’s sock, she thinks. (Makes sense.) I just HAD to know – were you wondering, too?

Fourth, what was everyone doing at Milli Vanilli concerts? That totally ‘ties’ with the NKOTB thing.

Oh! I was not baptized in a river, all Jesus style and everything. It was a really nice church. (But excellent thinking, Jeana.)

And… you’re all right. Including Carol, who is always wrong, and especially Mandy who suggested they were all true. Because I cheated. They’re all true. My fingers are freakishly toothpick-like and yes, I just discovered I CAN remember all the New Kids’ names without having to Google them. (Not my proudest moment)


If you do this on your blog, let me know. Because I will want to play.

The “Which One Is True?” Game

February 18th, 2006 at 2:15 pm » Comments (17)

Okay, okay, I’m a little late with this one. Everyone already did it, and I thought I’d pass. But I changed my mind, and here it is. Wanna play? Which one is true – leave a guess in Comments.

1. My wedding ring size is 3.5 (That’s just smaller than a dime)

2. I once attended a New Kids on The Block concert. I was in the 7th grade and went with my best friend, Misty.

3. My ob/gyn prescribed shoe shopping at a certain store mere moments before delivering Seth-4mth. (She and I share the same love of fun shoes)

4. There were hundreds of dead bugs floating in the baptismal when I was baptized.

5. I should not have graduated from high school, due to my huge number of absences (‘skip’ days).

Big Mushy Thank You

February 17th, 2006 at 10:22 pm » Comments (6)

To all of you who have so kindly responded to my parental plight via Comments or e-mail,

Thank you! And the books you suggested? I bought it. (Yes, all of them.) I’m a big believer in reading lots of nonfiction when faced with an obstacle. I’m like my mother that way.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your kind words, encouragement, suggestions, and prayers. They’ve helped considerably already!

Ok. End of love note!

PS I’d DIE if I homeschooled. DIE, y’all.

An Introduction

February 17th, 2006 at 1:56 pm » Comments (1)

Y’all made me feel so welcome when I started this blog 6 weeks ago. Will you please do the same for Julie? You’ll love this new blogger, so go say hi!

Y’all Make Me Laugh. (But Not So Much That I Poot.)

February 17th, 2006 at 1:35 pm » Comments (13)

And yes, that’s what my friend Jessica and I always called it, and I mention it since it wasn’t in the Comments yesterday, unlike every other euphemism for gas. Poot. Isn’t it a lovely word?

And yeah, I like to pretend I do not poot in a superhuman, Southern Lady Way that allows my body to function without such ickiness. Humor me, Jeana!

What happens when you don’t have a word in your house for gas, and one day the 4 yr old NEEDS a word to describe that particular occurrence? Simple. He thinks, and then declares, "That was weird. My bottom… just… burped." And now occasionally gas is known as Bottom Burps. Also a delicate, exact way of putting it, I think.

But enough with gas. Let’s just talk about the real crap.

You know what my kid’s psychiatrist said at the meeting with us yesterday? (Note to all who are unaware: we’re having ‘challenges’ with one of our kids) This kid is perfectly in control of these choices, there is  no mental incapacity at all. My suggestion is to get you in to see a good therapist and some medication.

Medication and a therapist? For the ‘challenging’ kid? Why, that’s reasonable. Please, please can they be tranquilizers?!

NOOO! A therapist and drugs. For. Me. So that I can deal with this kid without losing the rest of my mind, because that’s just how it’s gonna be until the kid has a change of heart and decides to quit acting like a moron. She wrote down two names of therapists and handed the paper to Mike when I didn’t make a move to accept it from her outstretched hand.

I told her I was ALREADY on drugs, thanks to the post partum depression, thank you very much. She asked what kind. I told her. She named a dosage level. I said, ‘No’, and gave the dosage level that was TWICE what she just asked.

And she went, "Whoaaah." (Yes, the super professional child psychiatrist went, "Whoaah.")

My mouth fell open.

Then she said, "Maybe you need more."

To which I did not screech, "Maybe my KID needs something. Maybe I don’t need to be further doped up in order to survive this kid. Maybe THAT’S a STUPID ANSWER."

I, Southern non-pooting superhuman girl, just smiled and thanked her for her suggestions. I did not glare, I think, as we left.

I cried and prayed all the way home.

I don’t have gas. In case you cared.

February 16th, 2006 at 10:59 pm » Comments (10)

Whole Internet, and especially Jeana,

Re: #1 of the preceding Thursday 13 post

When I said my sister calls me ‘Toots’, it in no way indicates a tendency toward flatulence. At all. It’s Toots like Tootsie, i don’t know why she does it, but I am mortified that probably all who saw that Thursday 13 thought me to be gassy. I had record traffic yesterday, and am quite possibly now known as Gassy Girl amongst all those lovely new bloggers who stopped by.For the record, I am not.

PS. Are you? (No, don’t tell me)

Thanks, "NOT GG"

Thursday Thirteen (About My Sister)

February 15th, 2006 at 11:13 pm » Comments (21)
Thirteen Reasons I Love My Big Sister

1. She calls me Toots and I call her Babe. (Actually I hate it that she calls me Toots, but no one else could get away with it.)

{Updated 3/06 to add: This is ‘toots’ as in ‘tootsie.’ Not ‘toots’ as in flatulence.}

2. She is the best Aunt EVER. I mean, EVER, and I had/have seriously great aunts so I would know. And she’s still the best.

3. She decided we should have a "Sister Box." It’s a shoebox that we take turns filling with whatever the other will like. Once full, it gets mailed to the other one to fill. (And she’s better at it than me.)

4. Once when we were walking down the street together we saw what looked like a very big, very dead dog in the middle of the road. She immediately changed places with me so that she would be closer to the dead dog when we passed. Now that’s Big Sister Love for ya, right there. Except it turned out to be a shirt that just really looked like a dead dog. (We were ages 33 and 30 at the time.)

5. We make the same awful, gasping-all-the-air-out-of-the-room noise when we’re really laughing hard.

6. Also? We snort when we’re together and laughing, and then we laugh harder at each other’s snorts, which makes us snort and laugh more and then cry when we laugh and snort. And make awful gasping noises. Sometimes there’s even snot involved.

7. She comes to visit and criticizes all the things I don’t have in my kitchen that she needs. Then we go to the store and buy them all. Then she cooks for me. Then, sometimes, she’ll admit her kitchen doesn’t have them either.

8. If I call her during ‘Alias’, she’ll pick up the phone and YELL at me for interrupting. Really, I just wish she’d not answer at all. But I love her for this weirdness anyway.

9. She bought me Hello Kitty tape, because I had some when I was little and I loved it. And because my mom bought me the Hello Kitty tape dispenser. Aren’t they great?

10. When I call her amid a cooking crisis (about once a month), she takes a deep breath and talks me through it and usually doesn’t make fun of me until later.

11. When I call her asking how to boil eggs, she takes a deep breath and tells me. (Usually 3-4 times a year.)

12. She has glorious wavy hair that always looks wonderful, even when she’s complaining about it. Actually, this is not a reason I love her, now that I think about it. It’s a source of great jealousy. But whatever. Also? Skin like PORCELAIN, for pete’s sake. So jealous.

13. She’s my best friend. Awwwww.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

The Post That Makes Me Glad My Family Doesn’t Know I Blog

February 15th, 2006 at 9:41 pm » Comments (8)

Have y’all looked at One Woman’s World yet? Voting is open! (I haven’t voted yet since I’m still looking over all the great nominations. But I will. And so should you.)

Jeana started a Valentine’s meme, and here’s the question: What’s one thing you have learned to do differently to make your marriage better? or one thing you think is important to a good marriage?

If you’re not married, look at your parents or a couple you know that has a good marriage and tell something you admire about their relationship. And no pressure to tell the most important thing; in fact try to write something different than what’s already been written, if you get tagged after several other people have already done it. If you get tagged, link back to whoever tagged you, so we can follow the trail and see what others have said.

I’m going to be brief here. But this is sincerely my answer, much as I wish I HAD NOT BEEN TAGGED, JEANA! Because? A little embarrassed. But anyway.

What makes a marriage better?

Sex. Nightly. Very few exceptions. Who cares if someone’s mad or isn’t getting his/her way about something? Don’t ever manipulate or withhold. It’s silly, even if you get what you want in the short term because you lose a lot in the long run. Sex is more important to men that women can possibly understand. I think, anyway. (And if I’m wrong?  Uh, no one’s complaining.)

Need Word on it? Of course ya do. I like how The Message puts it:  (I Cor 7:2-4) 2Certainly–but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. 3The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality–the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. 4Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.

Please consider yourself tagged!