Archive for February, 2006

You’re Not Going to Believe This. But Here Goes, Anyway…

February 14th, 2006 at 10:34 pm » Comments (11)

The history of Valentine’s Day – with Mike – is this: It’s all about me, at his request. He doesn’t care for it, but gets into doing all sorts of neat things just for me. Yea! He’d said earlier not to worry about dinner and that we were staying in. What I didn’t tell you is that the man can cook. Yea, Yea!!

He said he’d be home ‘soon’ at 4 today. This was good because 2 of the kids were having simultaneous fits. He walks in AFTER 6 carrying… any guesses? chocolate? No. flowers? No. diamonds? No. Dinner? Sorta.

Cold bags of Chick Fil A. Ahem. I smile and eat graciously because this is the Loving Christian Wife Thing To Do. NOT because I feel like it. I DO NOT. Anyway. I give the kids their Valentine’s stuffed animals and we rush them off to bed. In hindsight, I have no idea why we did that.

We tried and gave up on 2 or 3 movies, bored of Olympic skiing, and played Battleship. Oh yes we really did. Uh. Huh. Mike made brownies (highpoint, by far), and then asks if I’d like to see what’s in the bedroom. Life has started looking up! Yeeeaaaa! Of course, I say, a little flirtatiously. Maybe a little naughtiness in my look. He seems not to notice, but I am not fooled. He’s been known to make be think he’s given me nothing but pots and pans for Christmas (when he knows I hate to cook) just for the pleasure of watching me smile graciously – then hours later giving me gorgeous jewelry. So, there’s something good in the bedroom, and we haven’t even gotten there yet. Woo Hoo!

I must pause a moment, and go off on what may seem to be a tangent. Do any of you remember the 80s show Out of This World? Click here, then please. It was Charles in Charge era – back when Scott Baio was crush-worthy and not scary. The little girl named Evie communicated with her alien father via a light up box thingy.

Oh, what was I saying? Right. The bedroom. This was the sight that greeted me:


If you are unafraid, you can click it and it might enlarge. Nothing says ‘love’ like a 10 pound glass box that lights up red and has a bow. I bet you all wish you’d gotten one tonight, huh? Aren’t you just a wee bit jealous? No, it doesn’t open. It just sits there and… looks… pretty…?

I have no idea what the man was thinking. None. But then he gave me a clue and pointed me to the ‘real gift.’ And suddenly Valentine’s is no longer all about me and that motto is gone, because every gal knows that THESE are not for us. They’re for them. If they were for us, they wouldn’t itch our cracks.

I adore him, odd as he was tonight. So much that I need to go put on something itchy.

Valentine’s Plans…

February 14th, 2006 at 3:01 pm » Comments (7)

Mike says ‘don’t do anything for dinner, I’ll take care of it.’ When I asked if we’re going out or staying in he said, ‘staying in.’


We have four kids. And we’re staying in.

I’ll keep you posted.

Okay, so I might STILL be a little out of touch…

February 13th, 2006 at 8:08 pm » Comments (10)

Dick Cheney SHOT someone? What else don’t I know about?!

Humorous, Happy, and Genuine.

February 13th, 2006 at 1:51 pm » Comments (16)

I’ve been a  little out of touch.

*the Olympics started?

*they’re in Italy? i thought they were in Canada! i turned on the today show and could not figure out why Matt and Katie were in Italy, when clearly they shoulda been in Canada.

*tomorrow is Valentines? i thought today was the 11th. (YES, my 2006 calendar is still unopened and sitting on the diaper changing table.)

*the postage rate changed, like over a month ago? that’s what the sign said at the post office today – the first I’ve heard of it. the guy (not Reynaldo) confirmed its truth and i tried to determine how many bills i mailed with insufficient postage and what might happen as a result.

I have a good reason for not knowing anything, but I’ll get to that in a minute. You know when you started blogging and you wanted to portray exactly who you are an not who you wish you were? Me too. Genuine. That can be difficult when you’re as random as I am, I’ve found. We went on a short trip and I posted two entries about the size of the hairbrush that we took – and no details of anything of importance. When you’re that Seinfeld-ish, lots of stuff just isn’t said. Which is fine! But i started questioning how genuine I’ve been when nominated over at One Woman’s World. For humor. (that’s great since i write as-yet unpublished funny fiction)

But for Happy? This is a Happy Blog? It was news to me. Surprising since my life is… interesting. It made me question how genuine I am here. I’m a happy person going through LOTS OF STUFF i don’t blog about. Not because I don’t want people to know – just because this is my escape from all that. So where is that line, between being genuine and not?

Anyway, here’s a brief look into what’s going on. One of my kids is having some ‘issues.’ Among them are serious rebellion and defiance, but it’s a long list. Last night I had a talk with this child about violence. The kid explained matter of factly that it would probably make him/her feel much better if he/she could just hurt me physically. He/she agreed that yes, he/she has come close a few times to attacking me, and it’s getting harder not to.

SoooOOoo glad for all the years of KARATE TRAINING we gave this kid. Yeah, LOVIN’ that decision. Gah. So yeah, we’ve tried ‘coaches,’ counselors, psychologists and a psychiatrist. We’ll keep trying. In the meantime, don’t worry if I don’t post as regularly. The kid goes to a Christian school and I don’t think he/she can order a ‘hit’ on me from there. I’m not whacked, I’m just busy, promise. 

(Why all the confusing pronouns? So you don’t decide you know which kid it is and dislike him/her. This child is amazing with a great future ahead if he/she can just get through this. Not a bad kid at all, so don’t even think it!)

I went on a brisk Mall Walking tour this morning, pushing the ginormous double stroller. The intent was to release endorphins through exercise, which happened. (And that’s where i learned it was Valentine’s tomorrow and that the postage rate had increased.) So, I add that to show that I am taking quite good care of myself.

And I pop a serotonin re-uptake inhibitor each morning, which probably helps as well. Never had post partum depression with the others, but this time I did. You know what’s fun? Taking that little pill and snarling into the mirror, "Take THAT, Tom Cruise!" I did it once and cracked myself up, and now it is a part of my odd daily ritual.

Let’s Celebrate the UnderAppreciated Post

February 12th, 2006 at 5:16 pm » Comments (7)

Do you have a favorite post of yours that was somehow passed over? I encourage you to advertise it here. Let’s dust off those gems of blog gorgeousness, and share them again! (I’m really too new to have one, but if I did, it might be this one. In which I am BRIEF! I’m never that!)

Really, I just want to highlight a fantastic post by The Geekwif. This MUST be shared. (So I’m not risking that she won’t post it here herself.)

Do you have one of your own? Is it possible to put a link in the Comments section? I don’t know how to do that, personally. Or perhaps you could give explicit directions to a link on your site. Whatever works, but I want to see your favorites!

PS Oh my gosh, did y’all know the Olympics started? Where was I? I never watch tv, and look what happened!! I haven’t seen ANY of it.

Ask My Kids, Episode 2

February 10th, 2006 at 11:09 pm » Comments (9)

(Or, "I’m bored on Friday night and this is the 2nd post in the last few minutes."  If you’re interested, the 1st one is just down the page a bit. It’s scandalous. SCANDALOUS, y’all.)

                                           Ask My Kids…

(featuring Kim-11yr, Ethan-5yr, and Caden-2yr)

Mandy asked my kids, "Where does honey come from?"

Kim-11yr: surly silence. I repeat the question in a gentle tone. She narrows her eyes and ever so slightly snarls her upper lip.

I now move on to more cooperative interviewee. "Where does honey come from?"

Ethan-5yr: "From bees. They mix it with water and nectar in their honeycombs. They stir it with their tongues and it makes honey!"

(Ew. Gag.)

"Where does honey come from?"

Caden-2yr: "YEAH!" (But that’s his answer to everything)

And Heather asked my kids "What would you do if pigs could really fly?"

Kim-11yr: hair flip, eyeroll

"What would you do if pigs could really fly?"

Ethan-5yr: "Oh, well I’d catch one in a butterfly net, by leaning out an airplane."

"What would you do if pigs could really fly?"

Caden-2yr: "YEAH!" (but, again, that’s his answer to everything)

Now accepting new questions, since I have not bored of this little game yet.

The Conversation in Our Bathroom Last Night

February 10th, 2006 at 10:44 pm » Comments (8)

Mike and I were brushing teeth, talking, etc. I started to put on jammies, when I noticed Mike’s shocked expression and all- out stare. We’ve been married too long for that sort of thing to happen often, so something was definitely going on. I didn’t have to wonder long.

"WHO is ‘Rick’, and why is his PHONE NUMBER written on your stomach?"

"Oh!" I looked down and collapsed into giggles. There, in black ink across my stomach is a phone number I’d totally forgotten about. (Don’t you just covet my organizational skills?!)

Mike tried to look stern and raises and eyebrow. He just looked cute, since I can tell he isn’t mad at all, despite the circumstances.


"It’s the plaster guy you wanted me to call. He left his number on voicemail, no paper, I was nursing. You know."

"Uh huh."

"It’s MY handwriting, yaknow!"

"It was just a surprise to see another man’s number on you. That. Just. Does. Not…. look right."

(He had a point, of course.) The rest of the night he just looked at me in disbelief and shook his head.

Fortunately he knows me well enough to know I’m nowhere near tempted to let anybody else see that stretch marked area – much less get close enough to write their contact info on me.

The Meme That Never Ends!

February 9th, 2006 at 11:11 pm » Comments (12)

I couldn’t access Typepad until tonight – it wasn’t working for me earlier. So I skipped the Thursday 13 Thing, and went with this instead!

10 Years Ago:

            * I had no belief in God.

            * I had no children.

            * I didn’t know how much I really didn’t know about, well, everything.

  * I wasn’t really on speaking terms with my only sister.

  * I was about to meet God, my daughter, and my husband – in that order.

  * I’d dropped out of college recently.

  * I’d already realized I wasn’t good at drinking and given it up (at age 20).

5 years ago:

* We had only two children, and one of them was quickly turning into The       Tornado With Legs.

* I understood how little I knew about, well, everything.

* We were almost always broke, and I assumed money was the answer to our problems.

* We were trying to save money to get out of our run down rent house in a neighborhood full of drug dealers.

* We decided to put off moving in order to send our oldest to a Christian school we otherwise couldn’t afford. (Great decision, too!)

* I was toying with the idea of writing a book, but was too scared to tell anyone.

* My husband was about to start his own company, but we didn’t know it yet.

1 year ago:

            * Had an amazing year financially and realized money was never the answer.

            * Had written one novel, learned from it, and written most of a second one.

            * Had three children and was scared stiff at the realization that we were expecting another!

* God and I got pretty close.

* Husband started seriously considering building his own office building.

*  Stressing about being in a friend’s wedding in a dress that may or may not fit once I started ‘showing.’ (I didn’t show until 7 months with this one, and no one even knew I was pregnant at the wedding.)

          * My sister and I are very close and talk constantly.


          * My father was in town – staying with me, even!

* I sang to my baby.

* I read books to the boys.

* I flirted shamelessly with my husband.

* I forgot, and wore my slippers when I went to do an errand. Oops.

5 songs I know all the words to:


          * Trashy Women, by Confederate Railroad (I LOVE that song – don’t laugh!)

          * This never ceases to amaze my husband, but EVERY single Garth Brooks song there is.

          * Lucille, by Kenny Rogers  (sing it with me… “Ya picked a fine time to leeeeeave me, Lucille…”)

          * You Can Call Me Al, by Paul Simon (actually, any song on ‘



          * Bridge Over Troubled Waters, Simon and Garfunkel



5 things I’d do with a million dollars


          * Tithe, and give lots.

* Pay off all debt, including the house.

          * Buy my mother a BMW, who has secretly always wanted one.

          * Annuities, baby. (is that boring? Sorry – husband owns financial advising company)

          * Install formal hedges all around house and espaliered apple trees, because they are so gorgeous.

5 places I’d run away to:







            * Where my mother lives

            * Where my sister lives



5 things I’d never wear:

* flip flops. Can you say ‘toe wedgies?’ Ew.

* earrings. (not on principle, just because they’re not pierced)

* false eyelashes

* a headband. I don’t like the dented hair look you get afterwards, the headache, and the way my ears look.

* a thong. (or, as my friend Cheryl says, ‘butt floss.’)

5 favorite toys:

            * laptop

            * the navigation map thing-y in the car

            * the kids’ wooden puzzles

            * books

            * TiVo

5 favorite books or TV shows

          * anything Kristin Billerbeck

* anything John Eldredge

          * Marriage Changing: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger

          * Finance Changing: The One Minute Millionaire by Mark Victor Hansen and some other guy whose name I can’t remember

* Ephesians


5 greatest joys

            * God

            * Mike

            * All four kids, equally

            * My mom and sister, equally as well

            * Amazing church family

5 people I tag for this

            You, you, you in the red, you on the laptop, and the blonde with the nice eyes.




Voting Is Enabled!

February 8th, 2006 at 3:35 pm » Comments (10)

The polls are open over at Everyday Hogwash. There’s me, a cute one about moo-moos, and a school that charges computer students for unneccessary floppies. Cast a vote when convenient! (And then go write your own and tell me, so I can vote for you!)

Blog “Housekeping”

February 8th, 2006 at 12:35 pm » Comments (8)

There are a few matters I’ve been meaning to get around to, and haven’t, so I’m trying to cover as many as I can now. In no particular order:

21 days have come and gone and I am not a Hottie. I failed miserably – due to near zero compliance with the requirements. In fact, I gained two pounds. Ack! But there is a silver lining here, because last week I stumbled upon a Plan That Works For Me. Yes. And I have lost those two pounds, plus two more, just because of The Plan That Works For Me. How great, huh? 

Wanna know The Plan? It’s simple. Do not pig out on m&ms. I now buy the bag of Fun Size m&ms, which I used to refer to as the Not So Fun Size, or One Mouthful. I eat only one or two of those a day, and fairly rapid weight loss has ensued.

This means one thing and one thing only. I was eating a frightening number of m&ms before. Frightening.

I have no idea when the voting on that Hogwash thing is. The email I got said voting would be open Wednesday to Friday with a winner announced next Monday. But there is no voting up over there, so who knows? Maybe next Wednesday. (And y’all really need to do your own if you haven’t already. Seriously. I’m hearing Billy Joel singing "Eeeeesy money, eeeeasy money" – are you?)

I am working on the World’s Longest Meme. Actually, I’m not. But I’m thinking of starting it in a minute. And that’s kinda the same thing. Sometimes.

I’m also considering starting a lovley little feature called Ask My Kids. It started when  Jeana wrote a post about whether rocks grow. I knew Ethan-5yr would have a great explanation, which he did. So here is a short prototype of Ask My Kids, and if you want to email me questions for future installments that would be fun. Or, if no one does that, I’ll just make up my own because I think it’ll be fun anyway. Ha!

                             Ask My Kids…

(featuring a 1 yr old, a 5 yr old, and an 11 yr old)

                           Do Rocks Grow?

Ethan-5yr: (slowly, and with skepticism) "Why are you asking THAT?"

Me: "Oh, I heard of a conversation where two people were discussing it and I thought I’d ask your opinion."

Ethan-5yr: "Are you sure YOU’RE not the one who is wondering?"

Me: "Yeah. I’m sure. So what do you think?"

Ethan-5yr: (big sigh at having to explain) "Mom. Rocks do not grow. Rocks are… rocks. Only the living creatures that God created can grow. And rocks are not plants, or animals, or people."

Me: "Good answer!"

(short pause)

Ethan-5yr: "Are you sure it wasn’t YOU that needed that information?!"

                          Do Rocks Grow?

Kim-11yr: (eyeroll that says "My mom is the dumbest person on  the planet.")

                         Do Rocks Grow?

Caden-1yr: "YEAH!" (That’s his answer to everything, though)

So, any questions for the next installment of Ask My Kids?