Friday, February 17th 2006
Y’all Make Me Laugh. (But Not So Much That I Poot.)

And yes, that’s what my friend Jessica and I always called it, and I mention it since it wasn’t in the Comments yesterday, unlike every other euphemism for gas. Poot. Isn’t it a lovely word?

And yeah, I like to pretend I do not poot in a superhuman, Southern Lady Way that allows my body to function without such ickiness. Humor me, Jeana!

What happens when you don’t have a word in your house for gas, and one day the 4 yr old NEEDS a word to describe that particular occurrence? Simple. He thinks, and then declares, "That was weird. My bottom… just… burped." And now occasionally gas is known as Bottom Burps. Also a delicate, exact way of putting it, I think.

But enough with gas. Let’s just talk about the real crap.

You know what my kid’s psychiatrist said at the meeting with us yesterday? (Note to all who are unaware: we’re having ‘challenges’ with one of our kids) This kid is perfectly in control of these choices, there is  no mental incapacity at all. My suggestion is to get you in to see a good therapist and some medication.

Medication and a therapist? For the ‘challenging’ kid? Why, that’s reasonable. Please, please can they be tranquilizers?!

NOOO! A therapist and drugs. For. Me. So that I can deal with this kid without losing the rest of my mind, because that’s just how it’s gonna be until the kid has a change of heart and decides to quit acting like a moron. She wrote down two names of therapists and handed the paper to Mike when I didn’t make a move to accept it from her outstretched hand.

I told her I was ALREADY on drugs, thanks to the post partum depression, thank you very much. She asked what kind. I told her. She named a dosage level. I said, ‘No’, and gave the dosage level that was TWICE what she just asked.

And she went, "Whoaaah." (Yes, the super professional child psychiatrist went, "Whoaah.")

My mouth fell open.

Then she said, "Maybe you need more."

To which I did not screech, "Maybe my KID needs something. Maybe I don’t need to be further doped up in order to survive this kid. Maybe THAT’S a STUPID ANSWER."

I, Southern non-pooting superhuman girl, just smiled and thanked her for her suggestions. I did not glare, I think, as we left.

I cried and prayed all the way home.


13 Comments on “Y’all Make Me Laugh. (But Not So Much That I Poot.)”

February 17th, 2006
1:47 pm

I’m here if you need me. (Even if I am far away.)

<3 ~ Susan

Corina Bowen
February 17th, 2006
1:58 pm

I am proud of you!! You didn’t smack her!!
Well you know what… You have one Lord- Lovin- Prayin-momma all the way over here in Ohio KNOWING that God is gonna pull you, your hubby,and your kids out this junk! Because, Girl, our God is not a God of confusion and this to me sounds like a whole lot of confusing things thats going on! This week I have been standing in faith on something that I have seen major breakthrough.. Starting Sunday– I am gonna do the exact same thing on your situation specifically! For 7 days, every morning.. next week stand in faith with me in agreement…. AND whoever else wants to too!!

February 17th, 2006
2:05 pm

My daughter said her bottome burped! My friend’s kid said “My hiney popped.”

Kelsey, I’m so sorry about…everything you’re going through! That is crap, you said it.

Oh, and about your comment to me…my dear, it is completely mutual.

February 17th, 2006
2:21 pm

I love the bottom burp. And good for you in not slapping that therapist. Sounds like you need a new one – not for yourself. I hope you can figure out things with your child soon.

February 17th, 2006
4:17 pm

Oh, I’m sorry about that mess. But don’t worry, you have the Great Physician on your side. I’m praying for you.


February 17th, 2006
5:04 pm

PS– Is homeschooling an option? Sometimes peer influence is just too much for a kid at that age…

sally apokedak
February 17th, 2006
6:12 pm

First the pooting thing–I had a friend when I was a kid and in his family passing gas was called pooting. We thought that was so funny. I remember my two brothers making up titles to books they wanted to write. “Pooting for Millions” and “How to Poot Like a Professional” are two I remember. We were easily amused.

And what did we call it? In my family they were called body burps. Ugh.

About the therapists–I had a niece who lived with me for a year when her parents kicked her out. She was a mess and the therapists did not help. They actually rewarded her bad behavior and wanted to blame the adults for her troubles. Since I was he aunt and not her parent I was able to tell them to take a hike. I was tough on the girl. One day she told me she was going to kill herself and I told her to just do me a favor and do it outdoors so I didn’t have to clean up the mess.

As soon as she turned 18 her insurance was no more and she couldn’t have the drugs the doctors were prescribing and she had moved out on her own and became a normal human being. She is married and a mom and she’s just a regular person.

Drugs may sometimes be needed but I am convinced they are prescribed way too often. We want immediate results and relationship troubles are messy and hard to work through. Have you read “Shepherding a Child’s Heart,” or “Age of Opportunity”? They might give you some ideas on how to deal with stuff.

Oh, btw, thanks for turning me on to Daily Hogwash. You made me two hundred dollars richer. I’ll remind you next week to go and vote for me.

At A Hen's Pace
February 17th, 2006
7:02 pm

I’m with Mary on this one. Removing those peer influences makes a HUGE difference. And a dramatic step like that shows a child that you really, REALLY care about what’s going on and aren’t going to sit back and just deal.

I know it’s an intimidating solution–but better than more meds! (And I honestly think you’d both end up loving it.)

And you’ve already noticed how many of us homeschooling “superwomen” there are out in blogdom.
We’ll be happy to help you get started!

Okay, shutting up with all the unwanted advice now and just PRAYING for you, dear…

February 17th, 2006
8:13 pm

You know Kelsey,
We seem to have a lot in common. My daughter has this “grasp” around her too and just today I got not one call, but two from her high school regarding her “issues”. She is perfect on the outside but also a moron in the decision making department. Take heart, God loves them in spite of how they may feel about themselves.

February 17th, 2006
8:16 pm

My kids know I’m not afraid to go to prison. That helps.

February 17th, 2006
10:21 pm

When my oldest (now a lawyer) went off to college, I asked him what he thought made him not want to party,drink etc.(although he had a terribly smart mouth)–so I could continue it with the others. His amswer : ” I knew you’d kill me”. AHHH, a healthy dose of fear! ;D

Jeana's mama
February 19th, 2006
5:16 pm

Kelsey, When Jeana’s brother Scott was a baby, he cried *all the time*. Never slept more than 20 minutes at a time. The dr. started giving him paregoric to help him sleep. Started out with a few drops, then worked up to a teaspoon, at which point he said he couldn’t give him a higher dose, and it still wasn’t working. So dr. told *me* to take the paregoric. I said How the heck is that going to help the baby? He said Oh it won’t, but it will let you sleep, and you won’t *hear* him crying (!!!)
Sometimes don’t you wonder what the *doctor* is taking? ;)
Jeana’s mama

February 19th, 2006
9:20 pm

ok I agree with the other commenters..I send you kudos for not decking that lady…Sometimes therapists lose touch with reality I swear!!
Never let anyone make you feel like you are not a good Mommy! You are a good Mommy or you wouldn’t even care!!!
hugz…It will get better!

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