Archive for March, 2006

Blogging from the Bathroom. At 12:30 a.m. Got a Problem With That?

March 23rd, 2006 at 12:28 am » Comments (34)

A few things….

First of all, a few of you wondered who shot the lightbulb with the water gun. one of you even wondered if it was me! Um, no. Really, NO. It was Ethan-5yr, whose identity i protected earlier out of sheer kindness. But now i’m ticked at him, due to reasons that make the Light Bulb Explosion Incident look soooo minor and silly. No more anonymity. It was him, I accuse, loudly and with finger pointing and obnoxiousness. (It was NOT me, ok?)

Next, I"m getting closer to posting the second installment of Talk Back Y’all awards. Promise.

Third, my mom just came into the bathroom (yes. i’m blogging in the bathroom after midnight and it’s a long silly story i don’t even want to get into.) She gargled Listerine after I said it might kill her nasty sore throat germs. She tried, but had forgotten how to gargle, and instead threw her head back and tried but mostly she just giggled. She giggled Listerine. It was cute. Have y’all really gotten how cute my mom is? Oh, so cute.

Do you ever parent your way through a situation and then realize just how badly you dropped the ball? Like, after your pastor points it out? OUCH. (Don’t dog my pastor, y’all. He was right. I messed up, but didn’t see it at the time.) Blech. Leaves such a nasty, almost throat germ-y icky feel behind.

Maybe i should giggle me some Listerine.

An Unfortunate Science Experiment

March 21st, 2006 at 11:50 pm » Comments (28)

Question: What happens when you squirt a light bulb with a water gun?

Additional, pertinent details:

yes, the lightbulb is on and HOT.

yes, the water gun is loaded with water that is COLD.


Answer: What happens? Glass explosion. Subsequent Daddy explosion that far outshines the glass explosion. 

I’m 30. And My Mom Said WHAT?

March 20th, 2006 at 10:44 pm » Comments (16)

Earlier Mom looked at me and said, "It’s an early night. You’re going to bed early. 10:30 at the latest." The look in her eye said, "And don’t even think about talkin’ back, young lady."

Why? Last night was dicey. We had thunder and lightening and rain and thank God for it all because we need it! But it scared Caden-2yr, who did not get to sleep until he’d wrestled with me until 12:45 a.m. Then he was fine. But at 2, Seth-5mth woke up, and at 4, Ethan-5yr woke up, and then at 5:30 I woke up screaming ‘HELP’. I had some dream I couldn’t remember at the time, but I awoke to the sound of my own voice yelling "Help." I was SO annoyed to realize that Mike slept through my plea for help from the already forgotten dream. My knight in shining armor snoozed peacefully all night. Lucky him.

But, on with the real reason for this post. Y’all are the world’s best commenters, it turns out! Yea! If you haven’t read through the answers at Talk Back, Y’all, you should. Because y’all are too funny. J-Mom and I read and laughed and were amazed. Here are the promised highlights!

If you’ll remember, there were 5 quick questions which were answered in comments (a truly staggering number of comments, too!).

The first question was What is your secret talent? J-Mom is stunned at the number of you that can do unusual things with your feet and toes. J-Mom has little ‘doll feet’  – as my sister calls them. (Her toes and feet don’t really move much.)

Awarded in the Secret Talent category: (but remember, it’s sort of only a mention, and not really an award, but whatever)

Mega Mom:  I do a phenomenal Elephant noise (Y’all, SHE TOTALLY DOES. I dare you to click this. You’ll be inspired: Download elephant_noise )

Lena: Offending people. But, I think it’s hard to keep that one a secret.;) Actually it would have to be that I can pick up anything with my toes. Like the cat, laundry, whatever. I am monkey like. (My mom is STILL talkin’ about this one. She can pick up her CAT with her toes. I’d love an email attachment on that one!)

Jenna: Secret talent….I can peel a banana with my feet. And I have an entire Ashlee Simpson album committed to memory. Seriously.

Shannon: I can sing every single word of Larry the Cucumber’s long, spoken monologue in the middle of "Love My Lips."

Mere I can tell voices from voice over commercials, TV shows and movies

Ellen: My secret talent (let’s keep it a secret) – I’m really good at spotting nits on grade school kids.


My hairy legs, and a cat so large even Lena couldn’t pick him up with her toes.

Congratulations to all of you with Secret Talents, especially to the five listed above!! Yea!

Next Question: "If you have a blog and a spouse, does your spouse read your blog?"

There were four stand-outs in this category, so please applaud the following:

Faith: Yes. He thinks It’s great. That’s because I don’t let him read anybody elses. ;D

Grammy: Yep. He reads it every time and leaves comments so that I won’t feel like I’m all alone in cyber-space. (J-Mom and I thought this was sooo sweet!)

Heather: I have no spouse. Just a blog. I need to find a spouse to read my blog!

Kate: yes, my man reads my blog and he emails me when i mispell or use words in the wrong form. i never use spell check and i suck at articulating my my thoughts in a grammar way.

Yea for the bloggers, with and without spouses!

I’m taking a break, and will return with the so-called awards for Questions 3, 4, and 5 soon. (Hopefully, tonight, but only if my mom lets me stay up late!)

From the Mouth of the J-Mom

March 18th, 2006 at 8:59 pm » Comments (25)

Oooh, we’re having so much fun, J-Mom and I!  We’re also working on putting together a follow up to Talk Back, and it should be up in the next couple of days. In the meantime, here is J-Mom’s answers and the promised photos of the mysterious bloodlike stain in the garage. I told you she’d notice, but she pretended not to. See how polite she is? She just did a double take, then wheeled her suitcase around it. I told her "I know you noticed that." To which she incredulously replied, "How could I NOT?!" Yeah. No idea what it is.



J-Mom’s answers to 5 questions, plus Lauren and Heather I’s questions.

1. J-Mom’s secret talent: She has the ability to frequently and inadvertently turn on and off street lights, especially on birthdays. (The record is 4 in one night, and it can really creep you out. But it doesn’t creep her out.)

2. Blog and spouse question: n/a

3. fruit or chocolate? fruit

4. eye color: blue-green (hers are blue green, mine are green blue. Yes there’s a difference.)

5. 1-10 Overall Life Satisfaction: "I don’t know. I don’t think in numerical terms."

Lauren asked, in Talk Back to My Mom, Y’all:  "J-Mom, how did Kelsey turn out to be sooooo funny? Does she ever eat? She’s so thin, I’m worried about her. Where do you live, and why do you choose to live so far away from Kelsey? Is it the poop, bloodlike stains or the vomit that bothers you?"

J-Mom says: Kelsey always had a perspective that was ninety degrees off from other people. Humor is highly valued in our family, and so are words and writing. Combining the two probably seemed natural to her! 

Yes, she eats and she cooks more than you’d think by reading her blog. She has at least one kid who thinks she’s a fantastic cook. (Two if you count the one who is breastfeeding!)

[Um, thanks for that, Mom.]

I didn’t plan to live far away from Kelsey, and poop, blood and vomit? They’re just part of life. I’m a "Village Person" because I live in a one of a kind house I designed. It’s located in a village with an ecological perspective (solar water heating, rain water collection tank, native plants, underfloor heating, and rammed earth construction – RAMmed earth because I’m an Aries. Hee Hee.) Where is the village? in Australia.

Heather I. asked:  Hope you’re having a great time with your mom –what does she think about your climbing ladders to get your picture made in your laundry room?

J-Mom said, "I was more concerned with seeing my grandchildren in appliances."

Talk Back to my Mom, Y’all!

March 17th, 2006 at 8:37 am » Comments (30)

(ooooh, the delicious sassiness of that title! it’s like i’m 13 and bratty!)

my mom arrives within the hour! She comes from a Land Far Far Away and only can visit once or twice a year. Is my house clean? No. Should it be? OH YEAH. My mom is so amazingly wonderful you won’t believe me as i tell you Mom-wonderful stories these next weeks.

So, keep doing the Talk Back thing in the previous post and Mom and i will come up with some sort of awards system, since that’s been so great! (no, there will be no ‘real’ award, and no button for a sidebar, ’cause that takes a lot of stuff i don’t have. LIke technical smarts and HTML, and WHY oh WHY do computers need all that confusing HTML stuff? Please.)

I’m off to the airport! YEA!!!

OH! And not ONLY is my house NOT clean for the world’s best mom, there is an unexplained bloodlike stain all over the garage floor. Yes we’re all accounted for, no one’s feeling weak, and NO i am not makin this up. I’ll show you a picture later. And yeah, she’ll notice, since she’s all observant and everything.

My mom? IS THE BEST? did i say that? how cute is this… her name starts with J, so occasionally she’ll sign an email, ‘J-Mom.’ Isn’t that just the right amount of sass and pop culture? Love that!

Talk Back, Y’all!

March 16th, 2006 at 5:21 pm » Comments (63)

please answer in comments, since y’all have really rocked the comment section lately!!

1. secret talent

2. if you have a blog and a spouse, does the spouse read the blog?

3. fruit or chocolate

4. eye color

5. ranking 1-10 of overall life satisfaction


1. I can tell a yellow m&m apart from all others, as determined by numerous blind taste tests. I taste, then classify as ‘yellow’ or ‘non yellow.’

2. never ever would he read it!

3. chocolate. hate all fruit and their icky, overrated juices.

4. green-blue

5. 8. there’s always so much more  i want to be doing and am planning. I love my life!

UPDATED TO ADD: Y’all, Mike COULD read this blog if he wanted, but he doesn’t. (It makes it much easier to write, too!) Also, I’m LOVING your answers!!

Can a disorganized HolyMama be sorta shallow?

March 15th, 2006 at 2:35 pm » Comments (46)

Gibee made an excellent point in the Comments section, echoed by Mandy. Gibee said, "Can I just say … it bothers me every time I see the following on your title bar… ‘sorta shallow Christian mom.’ I don’t think you’re shallow at all, and I don’t think you’re giving yourself enough credit! I love coming to your blog, and I love your writing style — it’s awesome. And shallow? Naaahhh. I think you get pretty deep!"

I’ve been meaning to explain that little tag line: True confessions from the everyday life of a sorta shallow Christian mom. So why not now, since y’all brought it up?

That simply means that I know Who and what is important in this life, and that’s not the stuff i’m usually talking about here. I fully believe we have a God whose Son died on a cross for my sins, then rose three days later. I know what it is like to experience a personal relationship with Christ Himself, and to be a friend and daughter of the King of Kings. But do I talk about that very much? Not really. It’s just who I am. I am truly a Holy Mama, and I have it in writing! Look right here.

Here is where I’m usually talking about shoes reunions and poop. Here is where I expound upon the joys of chocolate and shopping.   Here is where I come and talk about the silly and the shallow and the amusing and the frustrating. Are any of these things ‘deep,’ when you consider the important, good, and holy things in life? Of course not!

And yet here I am. ‘Sorta shallow’ to go on and on about the nonsense I find amusing, but I’m kinda good at it. And it’s fun. (I’d really stink at writing a blog on the ‘deep stuff’, even though I love those blogs.) This is where one redeemed, holy mama of 4 comes and writes about the trivial. I’m sorta shallow, because I know what’s really important, and don’t let me confuse you – this isn’t it! This is just a laugh for you to take with you. One for the road.

And as long as I’m claiming to be funny, here goes. A couple of hours ago, I’m in the car with the three boys, and we’re doing an errand. Okay, FINE. We’re going through a drive through. NO, NOT MCDONALD’S. (It was Wendy’s.)

I’m driving with my purse in my lap, wondering if I actually have any cash on me, so I dig though it at red lights. And find that not only do I not have any cash, it appears I also do not have my wallet at all. Panic. I think of getting pulled over again, and not having my driver’s license. I think of all the credit cards (that we never ever use and just have in order to ‘build’ credit – blah blah blah, but it’s true) that would have to be cancelled. I get to the window and realize I have no cash and no card to offer in payment, and no driver’s license to accompany a check, should Wendy’s even take a check.

The lady is VERY nice, which is greatly appreciated by me, since she makes ZERO comments regarding my non-pregnant status, and that is very welcomed. I ask if they take checks, she says yes, and to put a phone number on it. YEA! I do the check, she never asks for my license, and I call Mike to ask if he took my wallet. (No, this makes no sense. He hasn’t ever before, but I was FREAKING out a little, ok?) He said no, and I could hear his little financial genius brain calculating all the inconvenience that lay ahead, should I have really lost it. He says nothing, though, and ends the call rather than be tacky. (I read all of that into his silence, but trust me, it was accurate.)

We’re driving away, and Ethan-5yr says, "Mom. You need to have a place for everything, and just PUT IT THERE."

(Ethan-5yr’s room looks like a bomb exploded in there, may i just point that out?)

Me: "Oh, thanks honey."

Ethan-5yr: "You need a purse light. I saw a commercial. You turn it on and then you can see everything in your purse. It’s not available in stores so you should act now."

Me: "Uh huh. I dont’ think the problem is lack of light."

Ethan-5yr: "Oh, I know. But you didn’t listen when I said you should have a place for everything and then PUT IT THERE, so then I went on to my next suggestion. The purse light."

I grit my teeth, rearrange sprite cups and Wendy’s bags, and get my purse off my lap, moving it to the passenger’s seat. And underneath my purse? My wallet. The stupid thing was IN MY LAP, under my purse the whole time I freaked, called Mike and worried him, and listened to an organizational speech/sales pitch from my five year old.  I had a place for my wallet (no, a lap is not the best place, albeit) and guess what? I PUT IT THERE. Yeah. Yea, me.

And this thing? Oh, no. Never, Ethan-5yr. Never will your holymama put function THAT far above fashion. Ew.


The Total Transformation, a la James Lehman

March 14th, 2006 at 9:29 pm » Comments (35)

Okay, Pained Parents Everywhere. Y’all keep finding me and emailing regarding one tiny comment I made regarding Total Transformation. I feel your pain. Really, y’all, I do. A kid is going nuts? I’m there with ya. Thinking of extreme action? Me too. It’s ok. Ask away. Email me (there’s a thing to the left, just click on it), and we’ll swap our parenting sob stories, and then i’ll convince you to buy the Total Transformation Thing. But email me first if you want. It’s ok. We are in the same sad, stinkin’ little boat on this one, so we might as well introduce ourselves and chat awhile.

(Updated 4/14/06 to add: please see this post as well. I still very much believe in this program, and am finding it very useful for our younger kids. We originally bought it for help with our 11 yr old, but it’s sort of the Instruction Book for Parenting. I consider it a must for any parent. Really. It’s that good.)

Updated 1/10/07 to add: please read this post.

Valentine’s Day for Shoe Couples

March 14th, 2006 at 2:19 pm » Comments (25)

It was a happy, happy day recently in the closet of Mike and Kelsey. Not for Mike, who was cleaning the closet. And not for Kelsey, who was having mini anxiety attacks every time Mike picked up a too small baby something or other and tossed it into a ‘give away’ pile. (Kelsey took it a bit personally, even though yes this is it and there will not be any more babies.) But it was a happy day nonetheless for Shoe Couples.

Everyone has estranged Sock Couples, thank you Stupid Dryer. But do you have estranged Shoe Couples? I do. It bothers me greatly. It bespeaks a reckless, irresponsible, careless attitude toward shoes that truly I do not have. And yet, I have had several lost shoes. For months. For years. It’s been an embarrassment, really. Who can’t keep organized at so basic a level that one’s shoes remain a happy pair? And the unfortunate answer, is, me.

But recently Mike cleaned the closet and in his wake were two Found "Sole" Mates. (No, not a matched pair, one a stripy pink, and the other a beige slide of luxriously soft leather)

Here, they pose. This was not where they were lost, because that would be dumb.


And, once they were happily reunited, I perched them atop a stool and they posed again, with their respective ‘sole mate.’


(Pink Stripey couple? only $5 at Shoe Carnival)


But, as with all Valentine’s Days, even the one in March in my closet for shoes… there is the odd one out. Still looking for The One.


One day perhaps the Shoe Cupid will strike again.  Until then, I have Sock Couples to match (or at least toss in the general direction of the Sock Basket).

Tanyetta talks here of The Lost Shoe at her house. And? Even better? She tells you how to sign up for a year’s worth of free shoes. (Yeah, I entered. Did you even need to wonder?)

I Like Bloglines

March 13th, 2006 at 6:14 pm » Comments (21)

wanna sign up? I am so proud of myself for installing that cute little button at the bottom left of my sidebar. Yeah, I did that! Anyway, it’s great. It’s free. You’ll love it. Go check out my handiwork and click on it while you’re there!