Tuesday, May 30th 2006
Licking and Waxing

Today is the Day of the Short Mommy Fuse. Fortunately, I am aware of it, and working hard against this icky force. This means that instead of blowing up completely every time the boys look under the dining room table at one another I am able to grit my teeth and say SIT UP. AND. EAT. Aren’t I so pleasant? And why do I even CARE that they’re looking under the table?

And earlier when Ethan-6yr was intentionally driving Caden-2yr nuts, I did not freak out in a royal fit at Ethan-6yr (which I SO wanted to do). Instead I fought that urge somehow, and managed to detain Ethan-6yr for a moment by holding his arm. It was long enough to allow Caden-2yr to LICK Ethan-6yr’s arm, which may seem like an odd strategy to you. It was not. Let me explain. I didn’t get involved other than a gentle restraining hold on the child tearing through the kitchen, I did not yell any of the ugly thoughts in my head, Caden-2yr solved his own problem and stood up for himself very successfully since Ethan-6yr hates being licked, and Ethan-6yr? He stopped bugging his brother.  Yea.

I hope Ethan-6yr’s arm was clean.

Saturday was not a Short Mommy Fuse Day, and the ‘eyebrowist’ I visited should be VERY glad. I told her I wanted my brows shaped and she said, "Do you want your lip done too?"

Gah! "Um… do you really think it needs it?"

"Oh yes. Right here." She touches some part of my face i had always blissfully assumed was hairless. Apparently not.

"Um, well okay." She does my eyebrows, they look great. She makes no move to attack my lip area, so I’m up off that table and digging in my purse.

"Oh wait! I talked to the baby and forgot about that lip. Come on."

I look at Seth-7mth, then back at her, and try again. "Do you really think it needs it?" (denial, y’all.)

"Oh. YES."

She slathered on hot wax in the shape of a GIANT HANDLEBAR MUSTACHE. No. I am not even kidding. And yes, my ego was ripped off right along with the wax.

~hm

36 Comments on “Licking and Waxing”

1
GiBee
May 30th, 2006
1:35 pm

Well, thank goodness she didn’t ask about your back!

What about the legs? Do you think thats why the boys duck under the table? To look at moms hairy legs and chuckle? Just wondering.

2
Addie
May 30th, 2006
1:50 pm

To quote: “And yes, my ego was ripped off right along with the wax.” That is just too, too good!

Here’s hoping your fuse doesn’t get any shorter. If you can just make it to bedtime! :)

3
Robin
May 30th, 2006
1:59 pm

Today we are trying once again to get off our family addiction to tv. So, I have been a oh so fun mood. The kids are driving me nuts and I actually cursed this morning when I noticed my 18month old had come inside and tipped her blue popsiscle upside down on the freshly cleaned and light colored carpet. I’m praying she doesn’t decide to start repeating what I say when my hubby comes home. As it is she only says about 3 words, and this would be pretty obvious. It will get better–it has to, right? (Hey, don’t tell any of the 50,000 people that comment on your blog I cursed, ok? I have a serious rep to protect! =)

4
Theresa
May 30th, 2006
2:14 pm

All I can say is OUCH!! And, I thought the same thing GiBee wrote!!

I hope my fuse gets longer too – this weekend I was a blubbering mess because 1) the laptop got abused (pretty bad I must say) and 2) Victoria -3yr broke my brand new stinkin’ sewing machine! My only two things that get me out of my misery here in ‘Suckeye’, AZ. And, hubby is gone all week in DALLAS! Yea…it’s got to get better!

5
Jan
May 30th, 2006
3:53 pm

Probably this won’t make you feel any better, but even if you put wax where there is NO hair, it still makes that ripping noise when you pull it off.
I’m just saying…
maybe instead of ripping off hair, she was just ripping you off. ;)

6
cheeriobutt
May 30th, 2006
4:13 pm

OWWW! My husband says that once you start waxing there then it turns black and you have to wax all the time! How the heck is HE an expert on this? I’m not helping huh? I think all of us could have given you a better more honest opinion if you would have posted a close up! That’s what I did, and I got great feedback! Ha!
But why listen to me, I have cheerios on my butt!
Is this helping the short fuse?
Don’t worry I feel for you as I am a short fuse maniac. Bleh.
Maybe I should try licking my arms….. or my husband’s.
Oh, the new ugly pics of me I posted might help your fuse! Check it Mama!

7
Suzanne
May 30th, 2006
4:25 pm

I am hispanic so my lip hair has always been an issue. It does NOT come back thicker if you wax it. IF YOU SHAVE IT, you’ll need hedge trimmers before you know it.

I am grateful and feel beautified every time I get my face waxed. I once took an ex-boyfriend with me (stupid, I know) and he totally freaked out….He looked at me afterwards and said, “I cannot believe women actually pay someone to do that!” He of course came from a family of those mexican hairless dogs.

Still…..I know your ego was bruised (and subsequently waxed) but what if she had NOT said it and someone of importance HAD?

ick. just plain ICK.

8
aggiejenn
May 30th, 2006
4:37 pm

I used to get my lip waxed because the lady said I needed it. I did for a while and then decided it was way too high maintenance for me and stopped. I do not currently have a huge hairy mustache and I don’t think you can see the hair at all. Just thought you might like to know. Now, if I were to get under one of those ginormous florescent lights with a magnifying glass, you could probably see hair. I will not be doing that. Have a GREAT day!

9
Lauren
May 30th, 2006
4:56 pm

The licking didn’t sound nearly as weird or painful as the whole waxing thing. Whatever happend to good old plucking?

10
owlhaven
May 30th, 2006
4:59 pm

Oh, OUCH. I am SO wincing. personally I like the Sally Hansen cream you can buy in the store for $4 and do yourself… This may simply be because I am an incredible tightwad. But that wax must have just killed!

Mary

11
Carol
May 30th, 2006
5:15 pm

And you gave her a tip, didn’t you? As in, “Here’s a tip, honey: Don’t let on that your clients are gorilla hairy. Let ‘em leave happy and with their dignity safely adhered to their upper lips.”

Too bad we can’t arm Ethan-6yr with Tobasco flavored lotion of some kind. I’d love to see Caden-2yr’s face. Okay, color me mean and rip out my nose hairs.

12
Diane J.
May 30th, 2006
5:27 pm

I have those short-fuse days, too, but I am getting better with it. And I am in denial about the waxing……but I DO need it, LOL. :-)

13
Kristina
May 30th, 2006
6:01 pm

awwww, sorry! :( i hate it when i have days like that.

Like I’ve been telling everyone we are back from our long week, and I’m finally back to blogging again. Great to see your posts again. Hope you had a great Memorial Day weekend!

14
jessica
May 30th, 2006
6:14 pm

OUCH! My eyebrow lady asked me once if I wanted to do that and I told her to go first… she laughed and said it hurts too badly… WHAT?!! So.. thank goodness my fuzz is blonde and only glistens while I’m in the sun!

15
Cheryl
May 30th, 2006
6:16 pm

Gee friend, I never noticed a need for hair removal from your upper lip?

She’s just jealous because you are so perfect!

Hey, that ought to count for some brownie points…huh. Well, the truth?…it is the truth.

16
flipflopmamma
May 30th, 2006
6:30 pm

that’s not true! it’s not going to grow back black! silly people, and it won’t grow in thicker either. Pulling out hairs don’t create more folicles. I had that happen to me once, went in for a peddy and left having my eyebrows done! she wanted at my lip too, but I jetted!

17
sarahgrace
May 30th, 2006
7:23 pm

Good for you for holdin’ on to your sanity with your boys- so hard to do, and I can vouch for that!

…and OUCH! to the lip thing…sheesh!

18
Geekwif
May 30th, 2006
7:26 pm

I could use a brow wax – badly. A lip wax would probably be a good idea too, but I’m not ready to admit that I need one. Now, if I were in your shoes, that waxing lady telling me I needed my lip waxed would be enough to create the short-fuse.

Hope your fuse gets longer in days to come. :)

19
chelle
May 30th, 2006
11:03 pm

oh no!!! Never believe the remover of hair that you have lip hair!!!!!!

I allowed my supposed lip hair to be removed and lived with a lip RASH for a week. I have no lip hair that is visible to the naked eye, it was a ploy and taking advantage that my kid was there to distract me. Of course none us women want to have lip hair, but geez!!!!!!

20
chelle
May 30th, 2006
11:04 pm

oh and the short fuse day….we all have them for sure. The fact that you had some self control is what counts!!

21
oshee
May 30th, 2006
11:40 pm

Having pretty brows always makes me feel good. Focus on that….

22
Michelle
May 31st, 2006
12:18 am

So, you so made me laugh! Been there, on the table getting my brows AND lip hair done (hispanic blood) and the lady said I needed my NOSE HAIR DONE!!! I hmmed and hawwed and she got a drop of wax as quick as a lick and RIPPED some nose hair out . . . I think I just blacked out from there . . .Seriously, I really don’t think my nose hairs are that bad!

23
Stacey
May 31st, 2006
12:31 am

I hate the thought of waxing so much that I’ve never even tried any of it!! I know I probably should at some point : )

24
Heather
May 31st, 2006
10:16 am

I have to say I’m with Ethan. Licking is gross! But smart of Caden to use that for his defense!! As far as the waxing thing, sounds like your beautician is very honest. Maybe too honest. I don’t know which would be worse, a beautician who is brutally honest, or a beautician who wouldn’t say anything to me and let me walk around with hair on my lip! Have a good one!

25
Diane
May 31st, 2006
12:48 pm

Girlfriend…..save some of that ego for the chin hairs!!!!!

Diane

26
Shalee
May 31st, 2006
1:43 pm

Oh my… That so sucks! At least you had a professional do it to you. My mom was visiting me about 7 years ago and out of the blue, she looks at me and says, “You know Shalee, they can do something about that.”

I said, “About what?” and she replied, “That mustache.” And I said, “I do NOT have a mustache! (High pitched voice was used here.) And she said, “Well, I just wanted you to know that it can be removed. So where do you keep you corn starch?”

And as quick as that she was off to something else, leaving me and my non-mustached self to ponder what constitutes a mustache. I still bug Mr. Right about it every now and then with the “Are you sure I don’t have a mustache?” kind of question.

27
edj
May 31st, 2006
1:50 pm

I feel compelled to tell you how they do the waxing here. They pour coke into a plastic bag, tie it, and leave it in the sun until it turns into a paste. They smear it on their arms and legs, then RIP it off! Ouch!!! I’ve never tried it, but then I don’t do waxing neither! I’m a wimp when it comes to painful beauty treatments.
Enjoy your oh-so-beautiful and hairless lip :)

28
momrn2
May 31st, 2006
2:07 pm

So I have a dumb question. Now that your lip has been waxed… do you have to keep up with it? I know I do my eyebrows. Never been brave enough to do my lip… OUCH!

29
Faith
May 31st, 2006
3:02 pm

My brows are so lite – it looks like I don ‘t even have any!! I always ask my hubby – look right here in the light, do I have a hairy lip? He is way too nice to ever say yes, but i threaten his life if he lets me go out in public with a hairy lip!!!

30
Paula
May 31st, 2006
3:30 pm

I laughed out loud when I read about the handle bar mustache! I can relate to short mommy fuse days.

31
peach
May 31st, 2006
8:22 pm

Can totally relate. You made me laugh so hard, Kelsey.

32
boomama
May 31st, 2006
8:28 pm

My fuse has been a little short, too. I promise it’s the heat. At least that’s what I tell myself. It couldn’t possibly be, you know, ME. :-)

33
Muley
May 31st, 2006
10:25 pm

Um, it’s proof of my great respect of both you and your ability to tell a good story that I actually forced myself to go ahead and read a post titled “Licking and Waxing.” This sounds like something a poor janitor would do to a floor.

34
mopsy
June 1st, 2006
1:40 pm

The title is intriguing enough, without the post.

The post had me laughing out loud. I wonder how many of your readers felt their upper lips while reading? I’m guilty of sneaking a feel and alarmed—what if I am shaggier than I think and in denial?

35
anneberit
June 1st, 2006
4:32 pm

Ouch, that wax-bit do really hurt!!

Once my friend, mother to two, told me she got surprised by the fact that she could get so angry with the children she loved so deeply. I were therefor not surprised, but boy does it take some effort not to burst out with it….. Blah, sometimes I’m yelling mam…

36
Sara
June 2nd, 2006
7:58 am

This is great! You are so funny, and you have such a great way of telling stories. I can so relate to this one — I went in for a haircut last week and ended up having my eyebrows threaded, at the insistence of the lady doing my hair. I didn’t want to leave looking as ugly as she obviously seemed to think I was! But I have never done more than pluck my eyebrows, and boy did it hurt! Then I, of course, kept pretending it didn’t hurt. But there were tears coming out of my eyes… I don’t know if I’m ever going back!

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