Sunday, June 18th 2006
Not Your Typical Father’s Day Post

My husband is a great dad. He’s out of town.

My dad? Great. We’ve had a bumpy relationship, now being better than times in the last few years.

Last night I talked to HolySister, who told me that she’d gotten a call from our Long Lost Cousin. Who was with our dad at the time. Our Long Lost Cousin decides to tell HolySister about something I wrote about our dad that wasn’t flattering. HolySister is wondering when this could be… since, after all, she’s Long Lost. And then she gets it that Long Lost Cousin is bringing up something I wrote in a ‘note’ (I HAVE NO MEMORY OF THIS) way back in the day. Like, 11 WHOLE years ago. She mentioned she wasn’t happy with me about that. I recall, upon hearing this, that perhaps this is why she’s LONG LOST.

So, my dad – who i’ve already said is a nice guy but our relationship isn’t really rock solid – is sitting there listening to this conversation between HolySister and Long Lost Cousin. Might I point out a few things? (I think it’ll help me.)

1. I was nineteen.

2. That makes me a teenAGER, for pete’s sake.

3. I’ve become a mother to four WHOLE PEOPLE since I wrote whatever it is she says i wrote.

4. I’ve done and said and written infinitely more stupid stuff than this one thing I don’t recall. I’m positive of that.

5. It was the night before Father’s Day, last night, when this happened.

6. I can’t even apologize! Who knows what I said (ok, well, Long Lost Cousin knows, but I’m SO NOT ASKING), or if I’d even stand by it today?

7. My mom nicely calmed me down last night at midnight over the phone.

8. Then I read all the lovely Father’s Day posts at other blogs and LOST IT again and went all freaky-nutty again just now.

9. I’d call for some more Mom Style Peace, but it’s like, the middle of the night in Australia where she is and so I won’t.

10. Then I realize that there are people who do not have fathers at all.

11. And I feel like a big Shmoe for that not putting some perspective on this.

12. But it doesn’t.

13. And I"m even Shmoe-i-er for that.

14. Gah.

~hm

26 Comments on “Not Your Typical Father’s Day Post”

1
owlhaven
June 18th, 2006
2:19 pm

What?? You’re human?? Me too.

Hugs

Mary, mom to many

2
Kari - MommaB
June 18th, 2006
2:55 pm

THANK YOU for being so open and honest AND human!

I say, pray for Long Lost Cousin’s gossip techniques, unforgiveness, and discuss with your dad only if the TWO OF YOU feel it’s necessary.

I’m praying that today will somehow afford you a renewed peace in your relationship with your dad (extended family) and that you have been able to celebrate the day with your hubby and kiddos.

3
JenLo
June 18th, 2006
3:28 pm

He’s your dad, not Long-lost cousin’s. You say things have been somewhat put back together between you and he, so since he’s a good guy, he’ll be able to look at your actions in the recent past rather than her words. Let her self-destruct….it won’t take very long.

4
Patrick B
June 18th, 2006
5:18 pm

First off, I always wondered how to spell Schmoe? Cool!

He’s your Dad. They have a built in “get over it” program that I’m sure is already running and all will be forgotten.

Just in case, practice cute puppy dog eyes. They work miracles.

5
Carol
June 18th, 2006
5:20 pm

Yeah, some of us don’t have dads anymore. But if I did, I know some things I’d do differently. Like talk to him about the things that are bothering me. When my lame-o cousins aren’t around and believe me when I say, I have a b’zillion of them who live where he lived while I was living over here where he wasn’t living.

Your sidebar is looking good. Did you finally figure out how to add stuff?

6
Ginger
June 18th, 2006
8:30 pm

So I agree with Patrick B. If he’s anywhere in the league of father for whom Father’s day was made, he recognizes that LongLost Cousin is a busybody and hasn’t lost a wink of sleep over it. In fact, he should’ve been doing some serious eye-rolling, that’s what.

7
Diane
June 18th, 2006
8:33 pm

Short answer–tell Long Lost…to GET LOST!

Longer answer…since the original crime was in a note—maybe writing your Dad a loving note–addressing the issue. Shoot–I’d sent him a copy of your post (edited just a little :) ) and let him know that you have grown over the long-long-long years since Long Lost was speaking of! It’s simple, “bad note + good note= All better!

How’s my algebra? :)

Diane

8
Shannon @ Rocks in my Dryer
June 18th, 2006
9:19 pm

So many people can relate to this–thank you for being honest. My Hubs has lived a situation like this for many years, and it’s hard. And you’re not a Shmoe–don’t minimize the frustration in this.

9
Suzi
June 18th, 2006
11:21 pm

You are so NOT a shmoe!! Thanks for being honest and sharing. 19 years old?!? I can’t even be held responsible for what I said last week!! If your Dad is any kind of Dad, he will realize that whatever was written was sooooo…before you became a full fledged adult, that it shouldn’t be counted or held against you. I have a slight problem with a sibling trying to dominate…so I can somewhat relate. God bless you in however you decide to handle the situation. BIG HUGS!
Hugs,
Suzi

10
Stacey
June 18th, 2006
11:34 pm

I realize just how hard Father’s Day can be for people who have had a hard time with theirs. I’ll be praying for you. I’ll also be praying that the LLC will butt out and let you work things out with your Dad. I’m sorry it was so crummy!!

Hope tomorrow is better!!

11
Jan
June 19th, 2006
9:24 am

Some people are best left long-lost.
Write your daddy a little note. Tell him why you love him. Then remind yourself again why the long lost cousin was allowed to remain lost ;)

12
angie
June 19th, 2006
10:45 am

I love the honesty in your blog entries. It’s so appealing.

Hey, I’m reading a great book by John & Stasi Eldridge called “Captivating”. I think you’d like it. It’s about “unveiling the mystery of a woman’s soul”. Pretty heavy, huh?! I totally recommend it though.

13
aggiejenn
June 19th, 2006
12:03 pm

That was a LONG time ago. Like you said, you’re a different person now. I’m sure your dad knows how you feel about him now. If not, tell him. :-)

14
Paula
June 19th, 2006
2:12 pm

Don’t beat yourself up for something that happened a long time ago. Chances are, your dad doesn’t or didn’t remember it until the Long Lost person brought it up.

Hugs,

15
Carrie
June 19th, 2006
2:57 pm

Hee, Hee. You said “Shmoe”!

That word just makes me giggle.

16
Faith
June 19th, 2006
3:03 pm

We’ve all said and done things we regret – I mean if we even remember them!! I did as recently as yesterday – and girl, I am no teenager!!!

17
kep
June 19th, 2006
6:31 pm

It’s the mark of what a good person you are that you’re beating yourself up over this, but really… 19? Studies have shown that the teenage brain is not fully formed. Really. :) If you feel the need to mention it to your dad, I bet you’ll find that he either wasn’t listening in the first place and has no idea what you’re talking about, or else he already forgot. Guys are not like us when it comes to worrying.

18
Sarah
June 19th, 2006
10:40 pm

You were 19…forgive yourself, I’m sure your Dad already has. As for Long Lost…maybe she should focus on her own relationships. Best of luck!

19
Theresa
June 19th, 2006
10:45 pm

Like my MIL always says tell LLC “to get over it!” I know tacky but it’s the truth. :)

20
MusicalMom
June 20th, 2006
10:28 am

My goodness! I surely don’t want to be held accountable for things I said and did as a teenager!!!!

Sorry you’re dealing with that!

21
Heather
June 20th, 2006
10:37 am

I followed you here from Laura (radicalmama.com) and enjoyed reading! It is very nice to meet you!

Heather

22
YellowMama
June 20th, 2006
4:21 pm

It’s okay. I like what Pastor said Sunday…Don’t let your today’s be run through the dirty filter of the past. Yep, we all do it. I know you…who you are…and who you are coming into being and I like you friend!

23
Antique Mommy
June 20th, 2006
5:09 pm

That is just like you to think you are “schmol-ier” than thou! Kidding. Why do people dredge up stuff like that? Is there really nothing better to do???

24
Sheri
June 21st, 2006
8:05 am

Which reminds me why some people get lost and stay there. Sorry you went through that.

25
trisha
June 23rd, 2006
12:38 am

Hello! WHO are the women who try to seem to put together for god’s sake. All they succeed in doing is making us regular janes feel distant from them. Bitches.
I love your blog, btw. Great writing and pictures. Thanks for letting me visit

26
Pensieve
June 23rd, 2006
1:45 pm

Hey HM,

Yeah, I didn’t have the poster dad, either, but at least I don’t have any long lost cousins reminding me of my arrogances of youth. Thankfully, mainly due to my dad’s decline in health, I’ve seen some things I hadn’t seen before recently…and lol, I’ve been bloggin’ about it. Guess that’s what blogs are for, at least in part. Enjoy reading you, so thanks for the thoughts!

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