Archive for January, 2007

From my mother’s subconscious…

January 16th, 2007 at 6:09 pm » Comments (7)

I’ve told you how weird and wonderful J-Mom is, mother to HolySister and myself. I don’t think I’ve told you how she dreams in great detail, or how she ALWAYS remembers her dreams. (she taught herself this skill as a child)

I know, i know. I said I was busy, and I am. This isnt’ really me blogging, it’s J-Mom. Just cutting and pasting what follows, because it was too wonderfully odd not to share. (I read it twice)

I will call today or tomorrow.
PS. Kelsey, I dreamed a new phrase you may want to use
in your blog someday or HolySister could use it in a
poem- "bored shorts". It was part of a dream I had
about wandering around in Milan without a map. I had a
suitcase and a vaccuum cleaner with me. I saw a lovely
house with two women vaccuuming so I joined in
thinking it was a hotel. It wasn’t. It was a holiday
house for three sisters and their children. One of the
sisters was a successful author and shoe designer.
They lived on central submarine standard time. They
were late arriving in Milan because the submarine had
to go back to Gibralter to pick up the table napkins
for the season.

snow on my nose and eyelashes…

January 16th, 2007 at 12:03 pm » Comments (11)

it’s cooooold here!  minus the snot, isn’t this a great picture of ethan-6yr? thanks for sending it, mom! (we were trying to photograph his eyelashes.)


I haven’t been around much, because i’m busy working on something, but i’ll be back soon. Don’t forget to come back on Wednesday – Big Day around here, yaknow!

An Open Letter to the Brick Layers

January 12th, 2007 at 1:09 pm » Comments (27)

Dear Brick Layers Who Work Hard On the Construction of the House Behind My House:

My deepest apologies! In no way did I mean to transform your workplace into an unsafe area, rife with tawdriness and sexual harrassment. I only meant to grab my shirt back from the child who was running through the house carrying it. Had I realized that you had installed scaffolding – allowing a vantage point never before possible and totally, yaknow, news to me- I would surely have opted to go find another shirt before running after that child. Thank you.


PS Please let’s assume that I will NOT be making this same mistake again, and in light of that, you can cease craning your necks and ‘checking on me’ to see if I am behaving inappropriately again. I promise I will not. 

How I Amused Myself Today

January 10th, 2007 at 10:15 pm » Comments (13)

Do you remember that old Bellamy Brothers song, "Do you love as good as you look?"



Does this help?

"Honey, do you love as good as you look?

Judging from the cover, I"d love to read the book…"

Today anytime a kid had a poo diaper,  I insisted on singing "Baby, you don’t smell as good as you look…  Judging from that odor… I"d looooove to wipe… your …. butt… ’cause baby, you don’t smell…. as good as you look."

Have I mentioned I can’t sing? It only adds to the performance value, trust me.

(ok, really i didn’t sing ‘butt.’ i’m such a stickler for ‘appropriateness.’ it would have sounded better, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it. ‘bottom’ just didn’t have the right number of syllables though.)

stickler for appropriateness? did i just write that AT THE BOTTOM – no pun intended- OF A POST ON HOW TO MAKE A BELLAMY BROTHERS SONG INTO A POO SONG? GEEZ. what a weird lady i am.

A Year Ago Today…

January 10th, 2007 at 9:48 am » Comments (14)

This was my first post.  Perhaps I should have started blogging sooner, because I think I planned to get EVERYTHING into that first post.

Happy Birthday, Blog!

Works For Me Wednesday, Healthy Food Edition

January 9th, 2007 at 11:01 pm » Comments (5)


Have I mentioned before i’m not a great cook? I’m not. But did you know that if you’re at a fast food place, the surest bet is a grilled chicken sandwich, no mayo or other sauce?


At Chick Fil A , it’s just 270 calories.

I’m brilliant, I know.

There are many more actual, real, ‘wow she knows what she’s talking about on this subject’ tips over at Shannon’s.

(Hey, who says you have to know what you’re talking about to play…?)

My Sincere Apologies to Deserving Individuals (who i hope never see it, nor the reason for the apology in the first place)

January 9th, 2007 at 9:38 pm » Comments (8)

Typepad, WORK, please! We bloggers are keenly aware that it is national De-Lurking Week, and we need blogs and comment functions up and going, please!!

(that means you comment, even if you usually prefer not to. please. if not, it’s ok with me.)

you know, i wrote that last post and then realized much too late that it was STUPID. then i went into self berate mode, and i couldnt’ snap out of it, because typepad was down and i couldn’t come fix it and OH MY GOSH WHAT HAVE I DONE?


Capstone might be just the place I’d given up on finding. ANd I think I insinuated they might be desperate. Um. Ok. Fine, I did more than insinuate that. STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID KELSEY. Gah.

Upon further reflection, I think they sound LOVELY, not desperate and it is I who am DESPERATELY hoping my blog is not EVER EVER EVER seen by them. (They found me via different means.)

Do i delete the post entirely? Hmm. Might be too late.

Take the dork way out, and ask forgiveness of the internet at large in case they saw it and then see this as well….?



Quit blogging and get to work polishing up that manuscript I hope they might not burn into ashes upon its arrival?



January 8th, 2007 at 11:53 pm » Comments (10)

J-Mom and her Significant Other left. (she refuses to call him her ‘boyfriend’ since he’s in his sixties. whatever.)

I didn’t expect to completely ADORE this Significant Other quite as much as I do. Nice surprise.

Capstone contacted me. Not sure if I should go for it.  I’m thinking that since they contacted ME, they are probably quite desperate, and that can’t be a good sign. Perhaps this is pessimistic and unfair, but it was still one of my first thoughts. Duly reported.

To be truthful, i’ve really put the novels waaaaay on the back burner. (And that analogy kinda implies that the front burners see more use than those in the back, and that would be misleading since i’m all about avoiding all burners.)

New threat for my children: "Stop it, or you’ll be the one washing out the next sippy cup with chunks."  Then again, maybe that won’t work with these particular children.

Currently Reading:

Blink by Malcolm Gladwell

Animals in Translation by Temple Grandin

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy with Trauma Survivors by Dr. Susan Johnson

Yes. all at once, and I’d recommend any of the above alone, but not this particular combination. (It’s probably time to quit making fun of HolySister’s boring book list.)

WISH i were reading Chocolate Beach, by Julie Carobini.

I LOVE the ribbed short sleeve shirts here. I keep going back for more of them, because they are really comfortable and they don’t fit you in a way that screams "I’m a Big Hooch" the way a lot of shirts do when you think you’re getting a slightly ‘shaped’ fit and then it’s WHOAH. That’s a little too much of my… shape… showing. Ew.  I hate that.  These aren’t like that. I have ‘hope’, ‘grateful,’ and ‘forgiven.’ Yeah. they succinctly sum me up and don’t make me look slutty while doing it. nice.

One of the most fantastic things ever when shopping with my mom is when i try something on and it’s all Hooch Mommy on me, i can ask her if it’s too small and she always says the same thing. I love it. It cracks me up completely. She diplomatically says, "Well… that depends on the sort of look you’re going for."  That particular Mom Gem has been in her Bag of Trusty Phrases for years now, and it’s one of my faves. 

Perhaps i’m focusing on clothes that don’t fit because i’m needing to lose a pound or two. Yes. Perhaps.

I left a really stupid voicemail for Jeana today. I didn’t mean it to be stupid, which made it so much worse. The thing beeped for me to start talking, and I said something that started with an H sound, but then I strangely got confused and repeated it twice more, before breaking into giggles. She was calling me on the other line and the ‘start talking now’ beep and the call waiting beep were going on at the same time and totally throwing me off my Message Leaving Game. the result was something like "Huh…. huh…. huh… HEE HEEEEEEEEE  HEEE!" 


Classy gal I am.

Chocolate is ALWAYS welcome here

January 7th, 2007 at 4:18 pm » Comments (6)

Psst! Over here!

There is an as yet, unreleased, high quality chocolate. It will be available in February 2007, and I’ve already pre-ordered mine. Oh yeah. I knew it would be SO good I didn’t risk putting it off.  A friend of mine whipped it up herself, and the industry thought it was so special they are distributing it to those who know a good thing when they see it. Can’t wait for mine to get here!

You can pre-order your treat right here!

Congratulations, Julie!!!

A Speculum Story (be warned)

January 3rd, 2007 at 9:46 pm » Comments (25)

Y’all know how seriously I bug you ladies to be health conscious, and responsible. It happens the 17th of every month, and we get together here to make sure those monthly breast exams are done, right? Today I did the health conscious, responsible lady thing and did the Annual Visit. Yes. You know the one I mean.


The bad news is that my drug use is as out of hand as I suspected she would say, and I’ve been referred to a ‘specialist’ who can evaulate my antidepressant self dosing ‘errors’. Ahem.  (‘Specialist’ is what your doctor says if she isn’t sure you’ll react badly to the word psychiatrist. I wouldn’t, but that’s ok.)

How it usually goes with my doctor is I tell her I ‘forgot’ to shave my legs, she says she doesn’t care. Then she says something like, ‘ok, i’ll be doing this now…’  And then afterwards we talk about shoes. I love that part.

Today was different. I shaved my legs. She still didn’t care, which is fine. She did NOT say ‘i’ll be doing this now.’ (And then we talked about boots.)

This warning ‘here it comes’ thing is critical for me. Critical. My line of sight was blocked with the giant paper napkin, so the COLD beginning of the exam, paired with nervousness and mostly just the total lack of warning…. well. I screamed.  I mean. SCREAMED.

I wasn’t in pain. No pain at all. Just very, very, very surprised.

The office is under construction, so it was very echo-y. What happened next is a bit of a blur, but I believe my horrified gaze met hers, just over the giant paper napkin, and then we laughed.

I totally psyched myself up to look calm and aloof and "Nope, wasn’t me. I was NOT the screamer" as I walked out through the crowded waiting room on my way to the parking lot. 

Terrified expectant mommies and daddies filled that waiting room, probably thinking someone had given birth without an epidural back there. And in light of that, it might have been kind to set their minds at ease. To say, "Hey. You’ll be just fine. You won’t scream like that. No one was being tortured, or having really painful contractions. It was just an unexpected and cold start, and then there was talk of boots. That’s all." 

Yeah. That might have been the kinder thing to do, but these boots just kept on walking.