Archive for February, 2007


Table Talk

February 7th, 2007 at 9:20 pm » Comments (11)

Ethan-6yr, regarding the shape of Caden-2yr’s grilled cheese sandwich: That is the exact elephant that is thirsty enough to drink the river of China dry. 

Caden-2yr (beaming, over the special quality of his sandwich): YEAH.

Then he proceeds to walk his special elephant sandwich  all over the table, while making elephant noises. (note: want one of these special sandwiches? take a small bite out of a grilled cheese triangle. voila.) Ethan-6yr and Seth-1yr join in the thirsty elephant chorus and BOY are they loud, and it becomes apparent that NO WAY is anyone eating that so-special elephant that is so thirsty it could drink the river of China dry.

No. I don’t have a clue what he’s talking about. As usual.

Then we had a little what-is-a-penis and what-is-a-vagina talk, just to round off the night. Yaknow, because those things are important to talk about, and why not right then after the three thirsty elephant brothers stampede through the dining room? 


Sensing Wild Cherry Red Excitement

February 4th, 2007 at 11:11 pm » Comments (23)

Last week I mentioned that i was considering buying a big washer and dryer. I was particularly pleased by this comment, from Joel*, who clearly thinks I am a level headed appliance shopper:

joel Said: 

[Random]You know, I’ve been a fan of Kenmore washers and dryers in general, but lately their marketing boggles the mind. There’s this HUGE emphasis on the fact that you can get them in colors now, so, you know, "you can put them out in your living room like you’ve always dreamed and they’ll match your couch, because who wants to hide them in a back room?" Um…okaayy… "Oh, and by the way, it’s not really important, but we guess we’ll mention that the dryer dries as fast as the washer washes." Excuse me?!? You have a dryer that dries that fast, and you’re trying to sell me on Orange, Red, or Biscuit?? Sheesh…[/Random]

So we went to Home Depot and I went STRAIGHT for the beautiful Wild Cherry Red washer and dryer that is so pretty I could put it in my living room if I wanted! And since the label read ‘extra large capacity,’ we got them! And they are GORGEOUS. And yes, Joel*, that really does matter! Perhaps it shouldn’t, but it does.

These particular appliances aren’t just big and red, they are SMART. They have all kinds of buttons, and the one to start them? They look like the triangle ‘ Play’ button  on a remote control. Instead of one loud annoying, scare the pants off you kind of buzzer, these have calming tones. You can adjust the level of your calming tones 4 ways, if you so choose.

For some reason, there is a lot of ‘sensing’ that goes on when you stick some clothes in to wash. Before, I’d just cram it completely full, add soap, softener, and crank the dial. Water would pour in and hopefully not overflow onto the floor because then Mike would know just how much laundry I crammed in there. This was the old way.

The new way involves stuffing the clothes in, adding a high efficiency detergent in a special drawer, and then hearing lots of pleasant, calming tones as I adjust the different settings. Then. The sensing. The washer must SENSE every nuance of the dirty clothes I have placed within its care. It tosses them gently. Stops. Senses. Adds a little water. Senses. This goes on. And on. For several minutes until this master of a washer is satisfied and it senses that it might be ready for the next step. (yaknow. washing.)

The first night we had the new washer and dryer, Mike and I put the kids to bed, and then went to visit our new smart friends, in Wild Cherry Red. Mike started the washer. We stood there, in the laundry room (no we didn’t put them in the living room, joel*), transfixed at how it so carefully analyzed our clothes. By the end of this process, our washer had probably sensed every place we’d worn these clothes and scientifically calculated the biological makeup of any stains.

And it took about 3 minutes, which was kinda too long for me because I guess I have the attention span of a gnat. But I stood there next to Mike anyway, watching and waiting as it tossed. Stopped. Sensed. Repeat. Finally I said, "This is an awful lot of…foreplay. When is it just going to get busy?"

I think that small observation made Mike’s night. His face lit up. He half grunted, half laughed. I might be onto something here.

Working sexual analogies into everyday converstion? Weeeell. Let’s just say it Works for ME Wednesday.**

*my thanks in advance to joel, and a sincere hope that I have not caused too much embarrassment by the links in this post.

**due to content, this post will not be linked back to other wfmw posts affiliated with Shannon’s Rocks in My Dryer. but you should certainly look at her site each Wednesday for quality, usually NON sexual tips that are far more helpful and appropriate than this one.


Thanking My HolyAuntie for This:

February 2nd, 2007 at 9:44 pm » Comments (8)

Now here is a horse who knows how to have a good time!


If I Don’t Have Something Nice to Say…

February 1st, 2007 at 7:07 pm » Comments (2)

(Update at end)

I’m going to be so very brief. Friends and family, I’m not talking on the phone. You can thank me now for this because this decision is sparing you a rather unpleasant experience. If ever I had a filter on my face that prevented the stupid/impulsive/mean stuff from flying out of my mouth (note the sentence starts with IF), well, it’s all gone now and hopefully there are current models available that fit and i’ll find one soon.

This pretty much applies to emails, too, since i sent one I’d rather like to have back and of course, can’t. I used to do that sort of thing quite a bit, and i thought I was passed it. Hmm. Guess not.

Earlier tonight I  looked at Mike and said, ‘i think i’m going to just not say much. You know… try to watch that ugly mouth of mine.’ 

He nodded slowly, feigning slow agreement, when he was probably really shouting AMEN SISTER inside and WHAT TOOK SO LONG?  Anyway. 

My life is wonderful. Not a thing to complain about or be nasty about. Nothing happened to bring this on. It’s just here. For now.

Please, please, let’s pray it away, y’all!  (Thanks.)

UPDATE: Minutes after I posted this, I discovered… ahem.

Stlaward

Do you think I made it big enough?!  (Thanks y’all!)

Categories:

Best Writing (it’s my love of all things paranthetical, i know)

Best Humor (poo is funny!)

Best Site Design (so true, eWebscapes)

and…

Most Representative of Women (to which I say, okay. This nomination was totally done in JEST by someone really sarcastic. Like Jeana. Or not, and the problem is much larger than Jeana’s hilarious sense of humor and this could actually be true. In which case, let’s update the previous prayer request to include this heartfelt cry: GOD SAVE THE WOMEN!)

Heather at One Woman’s World hosts this great blog contest each year. I can’t even imagine how much work she must put into it. Her site says that voting will begin on Friday, Feb 2. Have fun, and discover some new blogs while you’re there!