why, yes, we were. remember?
Today Caden-3yr tried his own brand of defiance. When Caden-3yr decides to try anything, he does it BIG. He’s just like that. So after picking up Ethan-7yr from school I take us all to Academy. In all fairness, Caden-3yr was only warming up at this point. Full Fledged Toddler Defiance is still a good 25 minutes away, and I think Academy could work. Ethan-7yr needs a new backpack, and I’ve been thinking about getting a barbell. I just thought I’d walk by and visit one.
Sensing a Toddler Storm might be brewing, I wisely got out the double stroller for Caden-3yr and Seth-2yr. Strapping potentially unruly children into strollers or car seats is ALWAYS helpful. We get the backpack, and I get sidetracked by really cute long sleeved Nike shirts. (I shivered my way into a weights class yesterday in a tank top and shorts. forgot the hoodie, and it was 40 degrees outside. Nice!)
Caden-3yr asked if he could walk. That translates directly to : “Can I get out of this stroller and run off, and then cause Seth-2yr to scream at the injustice of being the only kid strapped in? Please, Mom?” Given that translation, I said no. We’d been in the store only ten minutes, and were already on our way out.
So he waits until I’m not looking and takes off his seatbelt AND Seth-2yr’s seatbelt, and the two of them run off screaming in opposite directions. In. Academy. Which is a lot like a big old WalMart. Ethan-7yr is busy attaching hangers in a methodical fashion onto the red elastic straps of his new backpack, and doesn’t even notice his two little brothers jumping ship. My mouth falls open, then I decide to run after Seth-2yr while yelling over my shoulder in my meanest mommy voice at Caden-3yr.
Somehow, it worked. Thank you GOD because without divine help, catching two toddlers running and screaming in opposite directions in Academy is a feat that cannot be done by one mommy alone. Seth-2yr had on a shirt with a hood and I was able – just barely – to grab the edge of it as he ducked under a rack of clothes, squealing with joy at his unexpected emancipation from the stroller. By the time I got back, Caden-3yr had heeded the Scariest Voice in Academy and returned. As wonderful as that was, it was a fleeting moment of common sense.
What happened next was a Toddler vs. Mommy showdown in the Nike section. I’d love to say it was a victory for my parenting, but i’d call it a draw. We left without Ethan-7yr’s new backpack, without cute long sleeved work out attire, and without even a glance at the barbells. We left on a ‘To Be Continued’ note.
Occasionally over the last 11 yrs, one of my kids has caused me to stop all shopping and leave a store immediately to pursue further discipline. Not often. Maybe a total of four times. Four very memorable times. Once with Kimberlee-13yr (then Kimberlee-2yr) in a Super K Mart. A completely full basket of groceries was abandoned that day on the detergent aisle. Ethan-7yr two times, one at age 2, one at age 3. And then today.
Each of those times, I remember thinking that as inconvenient as it was – and embarrassing – it was absolutely critical in the raising of the child at that point in time.
Tomorrow while Caden-3yr is at preschool I’ll be taking Seth-2yr to get the still needed, abandoned backpack. No stroller. Just one mom and one toddler.
And maybe one barbell.
Today the strangest thing happened. A bizarre freak accident, but on a small scale. I think the very Fabric of Time must have gotten wrinkled today. Did anyone else notice?
I went to my first Pilates class. That’s not the strange thing that happened, although it was totally strange. It was a work out, but there was no sweating involved. That makes me very suspicious. Muscles were definitely working, but I missed the sweating. There should really be sweating. It seemed like cheating.
After pilates, i took the littlest two boys home and made LaLa’s fabulous homemade pizzas on pita bread. (cheese for the kids, all veggies for me. YUM. Yes, Karla, I cooked! lately I’m into anything Italian to which I can add green olives.) And although my cooking is quite rare, that is also not the strange thing that happened today.
After lunch I noticed something in between my front two teeth. Something had wedged itself VERTICALLY, and precisely in the tiny space between those teeth. And it hurt. I have no idea when or how it got there, but since I’d just eaten of course it seemed that it was a lunchtime thing. But maybe not.
Much flossing. A bizarre amount of pain and blood. And when I got it out, I was shocked to discover a very large splinter. Wooden. Bloody. Splinter. A very large splinter, wedged vertically between my front two teeth and shoved into my gums.
I looked at it and studied it and couldn’t possibly figure out when I’d last chowed down on a little bit of lumber. I wondered when the last time I’d used a toothpick. I’m not a big toothpicker, and couldn’t come up with any such memory. But certainly biting a toothpick would cause such a freak accident. It’s just that I hadn’t done that in at least five years. My dad is a Toothpick Biter. I am not. It’s just one of those things. Then I remembered Pilates. There was a whole lot of faceplanting into the hardwood floors, of course, but it was all rather gentle, and at no point had I become tempted to lick or BITE the floor while I was down there.
Over dinner I was telling Mike about the No Sweat Pilates class. We were at Jason’s Deli, and I was happily starting on the second half of a California Club, no bacon, no mayo, toasted. Yum.
And then it happened.
I bit the toothpick. I’d forgotten to remove it. It was one of those long toothpicks, with yellow plastic frills at the top. The wood was familiarly golden, and familiarly woody tasting.
No blood, no splinter, since I’d already been there and done that today.
Just the strangest suspicion that a small part of my day did NOT occur in its normal chronological fashion.
Seeing as how I did not cut the veggies on a wooden cutting board for my pizza, and how I somehow refrained from gnawing on the floor at Pilates I just don’t see any other explanation.
A small time warp must be to blame.
Or I could just blame my mom, who was flying from Australia to the United States today. She always seems to ‘bring’ bizarre weather with her. Maybe she inadvertently wrinkled Time as she zipped from one hemisphere to the next…
It’s SO easy to blame mothers for everything, huh?!
My mom is coming soon! I really, REALLY need a good long visit from J-Mom (as she is known only here and on LaLa’s site).
There will be laughing, shopping, dark chocolate m&ms, and trips to the gym – all in large quantities. And someone to share the Kid Chaos with… or, rather, someone to help diffuse the Kid Chaos… love that.
J-Mom lives in Australia, and comes to visit once or twice a year. We soak up all the togetherness we can during those visits. I love it when the kids are asleep and she and I stretch out on the couch, our heads at opposite ends of a huge brown couch, and our cold feet tucked under each other. We talk on the phone a lot, and email, but I love it when I can see her pretty eyes and her tiny little feet. She has the most amazing ability to remember her dreams, and so when she visits I get to hear them every day when she wakes up. Her dreams are creative, detailed and usually funny. Maybe when she’s here, she’ll agree to share one of them with y’all, too. Not everyone has a mom who shares her dreams, so if she’ll let me, i’ll share her.
I can hardly wait!
Please go say hi to Candice! She’s the lucky winner this month for doing her BSE! Yea, Candice!
I couldn’t find any biscochitos (and didn’t realize that Mike had tried 6 grocery stores already in his quest to get them for me), so it will have to be a prize without cinnamon-y goodness. It will, of course, have tons of non cinnamon-y goodness.
In response to a few comments on the Club 17 post:
Grim Reality GIrl, will you keep us updated on your best friend?
Tinkerkaye, a crown surely awaits.
Everyone stop just a minute and clap your hands 5 times please. Thank you. Merci, that round of applause was all for you, girl!
Elena, I did know someone once who that happened to. She swore off underwire forever, if I remember correctly. And she said it was AWFUL.
Millicent, it TOTALLY counts!
In response to all the comments on the ‘soooo not festive’ post, thank you. No knives were present at the table, as all turkey arrived ‘magically’ in perfect, bite sized pieces. It didn’t go well, but it could have been much worse.
Hello, from the Land of Biscochitos. Or not, since we can’t find them ANYWHERE, even though Maria Rosa’s Traditional Biscochitos seem to be manufactured right here in Albuquerque. Note to Maria Rosa: WHERE ARE THEY?!
Keep it up on the BSE’s y’all! I’ll give you a couple more days before drawing a winner, so be sure to read the post below, do that BSE, and leave a comment very soon. YOu might be rewarded with a super-rare biscochito delivery if I can ever find them.
So we’re here for therapy and for a visit with Kim-13yr. Mixed feelings. Stress. TMJ acting up. (Which means that my jaw will be so sore on Thanksgiving there will be no massive pigging out for me, which is not necessarily a bad thing.)
Just a couple months ago we were here and Kim-13yr’s therapist had her draw a picture of the scene where she kills me. Nice. Stick figures. She with a grin, me with tears, in the kitchen. Big Freaking Knife. Lovely.
Now there’s an exercise in empathy for ya. Have your kid draw THAT, and then your job is to totally focus on how difficult and painful and scary that must be for her.
That was two months ago, but just this week she’s been deemed as ‘backsliding’ in her progress. Backsliding? From the knife in the kitchen scene? Great. It was hardly a great place to be, with very little room behind to slide, you’d think. But no.
On Thanksgiving, we’re having our first Day Pass in almost a year with Kim-13yr. Perhaps the timing of this could be better. Perhaps the knives in the kitchen will be removed. Perhaps the TMJ won’t matter at all, because would you really feel like eating?
And yep. This is why I usually don’t talk about this.
On the bright side, if your relatives are really driving you nuts on THanksgiving, you will so easily be able to think, “Well…. it could definitely be worse… At least Uncle Bob is just annoying with that crazy laugh and I THINK I could just die if he touches me again, but at least he doesn’t have a Big Freaking Knife.”
I don’t mean to seem ungrateful for all of life’s blessings. I’m just really not looking forward to the holiday where we express such thankfulness, gather around with the kids, and wield a big turkey carving knife.
This will be brief since I am sooo tired and need to sleep and there will be a completely fantastic baby shower happening here tomorrow. Yea!
So. Quickly. Every month on the 17th y’all come and say “YES, I did my self breast exam for the month like a good girl, and YEA for me!!” Y’all do this in the comment section, but only if you really DID do that exam because y’all are not liars. For you honest and health conscious types there is always at least one prize to be given to one of you. (And I already said that if I can find them, this month it’s biscochitos. YUM.)
All questions can be answered here. I hope.
And one last thing. If you look to the right you see a ‘subscribe’ option. Did you know that if you do that, all updates just get emailed to you. You can even specifically say that you ONLY want the Club 17 related ones. Or the Total Transformation ones. You’d miss out on a whole lotta good poop stories, but I’d understand. And you’d never forget to do that BSE again!
Tonight there was a twenty minute period where all things were lovely. Ethan-7yr was ahead on studying for the week, and happily in his room. Caden-3yr and Seth-2yr were in the backyard discovering the joy of throwing a frisbee at each other. No not TO each other – AT each other. I was in the kitchen, reheating the lasagna I’d made yesterday (yes, really!) and talking on the phone with my sister. It was a really good twenty minutes.
Those twenty minutes came crashing to a stop when Caden-3yr came to the back door, cold, and every last bit of him dripping wet. It’s about 6p degrees out there, and he’s shivering. He said that Seth-2yr had turned on the hose, chased him, and squirted him. And Seth-2yr did a VERY efficient job of this, or Caden-3yr didn’t run. Not sure which. Seth-2yr was completely soaked too, and wearing a very proud grin.
Aunt LaLa suggested a warm bath, we hung up, and I started getting the kids ready. Seth-2yr complied quickly, and I went to start the bath. It was then that I heard Caden-3yr say, “Here Seth-2yr, you throw this away!” I went back and saw Seth-2yr holding a Pull Up, and his little tummy covered in poop. Now, Caden-3yr is potty trained, but wears Pull Ups at nap. He usually takes them off the second he wakes up, although obviously not today, and he does NOT poo in them. So why he had a Pull Up on, and why there was poop in it is all very unusual, but that he handed it off and coated his little brother in it is what really started the chaos. So Seth-2yr is covered in poo – not his own for once, and then, because Caden-3yr told him to throw it away, he tries to throw it away.
The beautiful homemade lasagna smell that was in the kitchen just minutes before…? Gone. Replaced. EW.
By the time the little ones are in the bath there is poo on two boys and three rooms, and the scent fills the house. Mmmm. I get the kids and the house clean, and we eat and try not to breathe through our noses. Not the dinner I’d envisioned.
It really, really makes me appreciate those twenty minutes.
Today I heard from Elisabeth Wilkins with the Empowering Parents newsletter, which I actually really love and have been meaning to give it some free press here for awhile now. It’s SO good because it’s the same fantastic people who created the Total Transformation Program that you’re always hearing about on the radio. Sl, here is my official endorsement. Sign up for that free email newsletter if you want and I bet you’ll like it as much as I do. She mentions another program that is new and I haven’t tried it personally, but i know most of you who write me have ADHD type concerns and will be very interested.
(Below are Elisabeth’s comments)
Hi everyone. I wanted to introduce myself to your readers: I am the editor of EmpoweringParents.com, the (free) newsletter published by Legacy Parenting. Empowering Parents is a magazine for people who parent. Legacy Parenting is also the creator of the Total Transformation that you are talking about. (I’m also a mom of a 5 year old, and I use the Total Transformation Program on a daily basis with my son and love it! )
Holy Mama, thanks for sharing about your daughter. It seems she’s been at the treatment center for about a year now…I hope she’s making progress, and that your family is finding some peace.
I also wanted to mention to the parents of kids with ADHD…the Total Focus Program (also by Legacy Parenting) deals specifically with that issue, and works for both boys and girls. I haven’t used it myself, but you can go onto the site and see what you think: www.trytotalfocus.com. It’s a program created by Dr. Bob Myers, the father of a boy with ADHD. Many parents have told me that it truly works. Good luck, and God speed to all of you.
Today I took Seth-2yr to PetSmart. I did NOT take the dog. Duke is a well trained hunting dog. He has some serious dog skills. But going to PetSmart and not twinkling on everything is not one of those skills. I don’t know how all those other dogs manage to behave themselves, but Duke could really learn a thing or two from them. I know some dogs have the occasional accident because I see the clean up supplies that are available. (I’m WAY too familiar with the exact location of all the clean up supplies, actually.) But Duke goes in determined to twinkle everywhere and I’ve made the very unpopular decision that too bad, no more PetSmart for Duke. He can just wonder where his food comes from and never setep paw in there again.
The last time I went to PetSmart, I thought it would really help Duke behave better if I didn’t have the kids. It would just be him and me and therefore he would have my undivided attention and I’d be able to completely stop any twinkle accidents before they started. Right. And I think I did. But what I did not count on was the guy with the chihuahua.
I had a bag of dog food in one hand, leash in the other, and we’re walking to the front of the store. In front of me is a very tall, very effeminate man, also walking to the front of the store. His walk is very girly. His clothes are very girly. And I’m completely distracted because he has words tattooed on the back of his neck, just above his collar and I can’t make them out. But I really WANT to know what those words say, so I’m way off my “Duke has my undivided attention” plan.
I try to walk around the guy to the right while oh so casually reading his neck, but Duke has decided that left is the way to go. Now, that wouldn’t be so bad, but I try to correct by tugging once on the leash and Duke immediately comes back right. Except by that point he had already passed the guy on the left, so then when he veered back to me, he looped his leash firmly around the guy’s legs and then Duke just kept going right and in no time had the stupid red leash wrapped around the guy’s legs and mine as well. It looked like something out of a cartoon. We were facing each other, wrapped up at the knees (or thereabouts – that guy was tall), and only then – when I have my face two inches from this guy’s chest, do I realize he has a chihauhua in his arms. In his arms, and IN MY FACE, since I am STRAPPED TO HIM and all. The chihuahua was a longhaired variety, and seemed unfazed by my sudden appearance.
I apologized. The tall guy laughed. I untangled us. Duke never saw the chihuahua, four feet above him, and I never did get to read the guy’s neck.
That was easily three or four months ago and I still wonder what it said. It seems a little sad, really. I mean, he felt so strongly about something that he had a statement permanently etched into the back of his neck, above the collar line where it could be read by all the world. But the font was too scriptlike to be clearly read, and the font size was too small if you take into account his huge height and the result is a slightly shorter than average lady at PetSmart tries her hardest to read that all important statement and just can’t no matter what.
Duke shoulda tripped him. Then i could have read it.
Every single muscle in my body is sore. I don’t say that lightly. Definitely not an exaggeration. I’d taken a break from my favorite weights class at the gym and have recently started going again. Pretty soon I’ll get to that constant low level soreness, instead of this OH MY GOSH IT’S TIME TO MOVE A BODY PART, OH NOOoooOOO! soreness.
I don’t often mention my affinity for weights because I don’t have any idea how to explain it. I have no desire for huge muscles. But there’s just something about knowing that you’re pushing yourself and getting stronger and will be able to load up that barbell even more the next time… it doesn’t sound like a thrill, does it? Oh, but it is! (well, except for that tender spot right at the top of my back where the barbell sits and digs in and yow!
My favorite instructor is a very muscle-y blond woman who likes to sing along with the songs. How she has enough oxygen to do that is beyond me because I am a shaky mess who couldn’t talk if I tried, much less sing. Not that I’d sing anyway. She’s moving (to the land of biscochitos, actually) and I miss her already. All the other teachers are a little too easy and not nearly as much fun.
Ethan-7yr just came out of his room, where he had gone 30 minutes ago after sighing and declaring “I’m needing a little ‘ME TIME’!” (No, he did NOT get that phrase from me, although I do love it when he says it.) He just lost a front tooth this week, and now Caden-3yr and Seth-2yr are constantly trying to wiggle their own teeth out so that they can be just like him. Pretty soon all three of them will be claiming a need for a little ‘Me Time.’
And now it’s time to go make dinner, and OH MY GOSH IT’S TIME TO MOVE A BODY PART, OH NOOoooOOO!