Monday, November 5th 2007
A Fictitious Bug, A Wingless Bug, And a Dead Bug I Kissed

Right now…
Ethan-7yr is reading to me for homework about a bug named Ben. He’s doing really well.

Caden-3yr is yelling because Seth-2yr keeps stepping on his face. (then Caden-3yr yells more when I tell Seth-2yr to apologize and give his brother a kiss. Seth-2yr’s nose is a little runny, and Caden-3yr wants no part of it)

Seth-2yr is running around the living room, stepping on his brother’s face, while carrying a still sealed, unpopped bag of microwave popcorn. I have no idea why he has it. He’s also ripping the wings off a plastic bug – who is not named Ben, then bringing it to me for repairs. every. few. seconds. but he says ‘thank you’ and smiles a dimply smile at me every time i hand it back. I have repaired the plastic bug not named Ben 6 times since I started writing this. This bug might disappear after Seth-2yr goes to bed tonight.

A couple of days ago I kissed a bug to death. I didn’t mean to. i REALLY didn’t mean to. I’d just come out of a fabric store, put Ethan-7yr and Seth-2yr in the car and was walking around to the driver’s side. I felt it. A small bug landed on my lower lip. And wiggled, but couldn’t get out of my lip gloss. Ick. Not wanting to accidentally eat the bug, I kept my mouth firmly closed, but because I also did not want to smoosh the bug between my lips, i stuck them out. It probably looked like a big pucker. Not that I cared. A guy coming out of the dollar store next to the fabric store did give me a second look but i was too busy to care. Have you ever tried to scream your head off while smooshing your lips into a giant pucker? That isn’t easy. It was very high pitched, but still muffled. I got into the car as quickly as I could, flipped down the mirror, and pulled the (now dead) bug off.

It was tiny, about one third the size of a ladybug. I think originally it was khaki and green, but it was also wearing a glamorous amount of my lip gloss. It sparkled peachy pink, with a decent amount of shimmer that any bug would have been proud to wear, dead or alive.

And because I know some of you will wonder, it was NARS “Orgasm,” with a little DiorKiss “Sorbet Meringue.”

What a way to go!

~hm

6 Comments on “A Fictitious Bug, A Wingless Bug, And a Dead Bug I Kissed”

1
Karla
November 6th, 2007
2:23 am

A lip gloss named “Orgasm?” Does it cause you to make “Mmmm” noises during and after application? I’m going to order a case right now! Thanks for the link… :0)

2
Shalee
November 6th, 2007
5:38 pm

Oh my lands… and you say I’M BOLD!!!

(I’ve erased my sexual comment 3 times now. You should be proud of me and my strong command of my fingers.)

(And Karla – you cracked me up!)

3
Jeana
November 6th, 2007
6:00 pm

Aaaaahhhh I love the design!

And only you could put “holy” and “orgasm” on the same page and get away with it. Well, maybe Shalee could too.

4
Linda
November 7th, 2007
2:17 pm

Who would ever think a “bug” story could be so funny! I agree with Jeana….only you! LOL!

5
Mamaluv
November 10th, 2007
2:07 am

This is a really funny post! Found you through ChickAdvisor, and I’ll be back for more laughs…

6
jubilee
November 22nd, 2007
3:01 am

My husband is always reluctant to kiss me when I have lip gloss/lipstick on. Maybe if I invest in a little NARS “Orgasm” he wouldn’t be so reluctant . . . Maybe.

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