Wednesday, November 28th 2007
Defying the Basic Laws of the Universe

Today the strangest thing happened. A bizarre freak accident, but on a small scale. I think the very Fabric of Time must have gotten wrinkled today. Did anyone else notice?

I went to my first Pilates class. That’s not the strange thing that happened, although it was totally strange. It was a work out, but there was no sweating involved. That makes me very suspicious. Muscles were definitely working, but I missed the sweating. There should really be sweating. It seemed like cheating.

After pilates, i took the littlest two boys home and made LaLa’s fabulous homemade pizzas on pita bread. (cheese for the kids, all veggies for me. YUM. Yes, Karla, I cooked! lately I’m into anything Italian to which I can add green olives.) And although my cooking is quite rare, that is also not the strange thing that happened today.

After lunch I noticed something in between my front two teeth. Something had wedged itself VERTICALLY, and precisely in the tiny space between those teeth. And it hurt. I have no idea when or how it got there, but since I’d just eaten of course it seemed that it was a lunchtime thing. But maybe not.

Much flossing. A bizarre amount of pain and blood. And when I got it out, I was shocked to discover a very large splinter. Wooden. Bloody. Splinter. A very large splinter, wedged vertically between my front two teeth and shoved into my gums.

I looked at it and studied it and couldn’t possibly figure out when I’d last chowed down on a little bit of lumber. I wondered when the last time I’d used a toothpick. I’m not a big toothpicker, and couldn’t come up with any such memory. But certainly biting a toothpick would cause such a freak accident. It’s just that I hadn’t done that in at least five years. My dad is a Toothpick Biter. I am not. It’s just one of those things. Then I remembered Pilates. There was a whole lot of faceplanting into the hardwood floors, of course, but it was all rather gentle, and at no point had I become tempted to lick or BITE the floor while I was down there.

Over dinner I was telling Mike about the No Sweat Pilates class. We were at Jason’s Deli, and I was happily starting on the second half of a California Club, no bacon, no mayo, toasted. Yum.

And then it happened.

I bit the toothpick. I’d forgotten to remove it. It was one of those long toothpicks, with yellow plastic frills at the top. The wood was familiarly golden, and familiarly woody tasting.

No blood, no splinter, since I’d already been there and done that today.

Just the strangest suspicion that a small part of my day did NOT occur in its normal chronological fashion.

Seeing as how I did not cut the veggies on a wooden cutting board for my pizza, and how I somehow refrained from gnawing on the floor at Pilates I just don’t see any other explanation.

A small time warp must be to blame.

Or I could just blame my mom, who was flying from Australia to the United States today. She always seems to ‘bring’ bizarre weather with her. Maybe she inadvertently wrinkled Time as she zipped from one hemisphere to the next…

It’s SO easy to blame mothers for everything, huh?!


7 Comments on “Defying the Basic Laws of the Universe”

November 28th, 2007
6:26 am

Cooking???? Seriously??? I am SO PROUD OF YOU!!! LOL

BTW, I would LOVE to have you send me LaLa’s pizza recipe. It sounds enticing!

Have a great visit with your mom. If she’s even an ounce as cool as you are, she’s got to be an awesome lady!


November 28th, 2007
3:39 pm

That is crazy.

I want some of that pizza.

November 28th, 2007
4:24 pm

The Case of the Baffling Tooth Splinter, or, How Time Warps When You’re Flossing.


I’ve been re-reading 1930s Nancy Drews lately, can you tell?!

November 29th, 2007
8:45 pm

so easy to blame mom. so incredibly easy to blame mom. just ask my kids!


[...] why, yes, we were. remember? [...]

December 13th, 2007
7:54 pm

Very funny! ROFL!

Holy Mama! » Splintered
February 27th, 2010
8:46 am

[...] time I got a┬ámysterious splinter right between my two front teeth. Also unexplained, since I am not a toothpicky kinda girl. Or a “let’s chew on some two [...]

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