Ever find yourself in a situation where you have NO IDEA what the correct response is? All my southern girl manners genuinely WANTED to kick in and respond kindly. Really. But I had no idea what that would look like. I still don’t.
I’m ten minutes early to kickboxing class, and a few of the women are standing around, wrapping our hands in long strips of fabric. I don’t really know what those hand wraps are for. Mine are pink, and about as close as I ever get to accessorizing. I think they must be to protect your hands somehow, but who are we kidding? I don’t punch that hard.
One of the women there has mentioned to me before that she’s lost a lot of weight. It’s easy to believe, considering I usually see her working out with her trainer directly before kickboxing class, and she’s mentioned her really intense exercise schedule before.
We’ve spoken a few times. I’m not really very good at small talk, hate it really, and avoid it at all costs. Then there’s that awful thing where I really don’t recognize people very well, so who knows how many times I’ve actually talked to her in the first place.
I’m rambling. I realize this. You wanna know why? Because I know the part of this story that’s coming up in just a sec and it is WIGGING ME OUT EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT. Yeah. Okay.
So she comes up to me with a spiral notebook and says, “I want to show you something!” Right. Okay. The last time that happened I was in 6th grade. And THEN she opens the spiral notebook.
Flesh.
Lots and lots of flesh.
There must be 20 photos of her, IN ONLY A (MISMATCHED) BRA AND PANTIES, all over those pages. They are neatly labelled with the date.
After my initial coughing fit (apparently I cough when surprised with loads of fleshy photos), I realized the photos start with a very heavy woman, and each picture in the series showing a steady decrease in her size.
Y’all. I’m all for that. Way to go. Health and hard work. Great. But I DON’T NEED A PHOTO ESSAY. No way. And I wouldn’t want ANYONE, of ANY size or gender to ever feel free to come up to me and spread open a notebook of almost nude photos of themselves. No one, ever. I’m not your girl for that sort of friendship, conversation, support group, or whatever that was.
I had no idea what to say. I managed a weak, “Um… I wouldn’t have recognized you,” but then I wondered if that sounded like ‘I wouldn’t have recognized you with the extra weight,’ or ‘I wouldn’t have recognized you without the clothes.’ Neither matters. I don’t recognize people anyway. And then, THEN! She turned the page. More photos. More labels. Very organized naked lady we have here. She has lost over a hundred pounds, and it really is quite a remarkable accomplishment. I just don’t want the visual aid. Is that so wrong? I became aware that my responses were somewhat lacking, and then I said, “Oh! Nice tattoo.” That sounded lame even to me, but I’d never seen this tattoo, what with all the clothing required in kickboxing class and all. And thank goodness for THAT.
No idea what the etiquette is for that scenario. I hope I NEVER need to know. Surely that only happens once to someone. I actually like this lady, outside of this one all too memorable incident.
The next day I called my sister. “I have a weird etiquette question for you. Remember that one time you went to the gym and the lady in the locker room bent over, totally in your personal space for no reason at all, and sort of stuck her bare bottom way too close to your face?”
To which she replied, “WHAT?! NO!! NO, NO, NO! CLEARLY I’VE BLOCKED THIS OUT AND LET’S KEEP IT THAT WAY. WHHHAAAA?”
“Oh yeah, you remember –”
“NOOOO! NOT ANOTHER WORD! I DO NOT WANT TO REMEMBER!”
Dude. I know exactly what she means. I’m trying to get a really great mental block going myself right now.
*clarification: I included the word MISMATCHED not to indicate horror at mismatched lingerie in general. I’m all for that. However, i think the one exception to that is if you’re going to assemble a comprehensive pictorial of yourself in lingerie and then show it to people against their will - in THAT case the lingerie in the photos should match.
(It makes PERFECT sense to me. It really does.)
4:08 am
We often wish we could “unsee” — but you can never escape that which you have seen. You have my sympathy for the years of therapy to come. Therapy helps, but the nightmares will never go away completely.
1:17 pm
Ewww. Seems to me like she could have taken photos of herself clothed at various stages of weight loss for showing to others and kept the naked pictures to herself. I think people take the whole “being okay with your body” thing too far. There is a big difference between being okay with your body and showing off your naked body to near strangers. People, keep your nakedness to yourself! We do NOT want to see it!
6:10 pm
Some people just don’t know the meaning of “boundaries” now do they? I guess you just have to chalk it up to her being desperate for some affirmation. So maybe you could feel flattered that she picked you?! I’m totally clueless about the whole “strut your stuff naked around the gym” phenomenon. It’s way TMI for me too.
9:10 pm
Chock it up to a character study, Lol…very ewww, and I would have stumbled my way through it too.
10:08 pm
Hey, she could have been naked. Come on, find the bright side…..
1:09 am
This is disturbing on far too many levels. As a fellow avoider of small talk I can’t even imagine a half naked pictorial being shoved in my face. Gym friendships are weird though. I think people think when you sweat together and spend time changing in the dressing room you have become much closer than you actually are. Creepy!!
4:06 am
Uhm, hello, boundaries?
I guess it would’ve been impolite to just turn around and walk away, right? Very creepy…
5:29 am
Ohhh yuck. I would not know how to handle that. My gag reflex is so weak, I probably would have gaged and then pretended to cough. Eeeek
2:11 pm
Wow. Not sure I would have known what to do either. I’d like to think I could react a little shocked and prudish and say something like, “gosh, you have lost a lot of weight, but there is no way I’d show pictures of myself in my underwear to anyone.”
But no, I would have probably sat in stunned silence groping for responses too.
6:44 pm
First off–gross.
Secondly–I agree. IF you do choose to show off nearly-nude photos of yourself, then your underclothes should most definitely match!
9:32 pm
Creepy, gross, show-off…all of those terms come to mind. Who on earth brings their brag book to kickboxing class? Stay away from the freaky lady……..
Hugs!
1:31 am
This post is hilarious Holymama! I actually had a similar experience–in my speech class as a matter of fact! The professor gave the class a 10 minute break between actvities one night. My partner for the night, we’ll call her Jan, had been talking about how much weight she had lost while in Weight Watchers–80 something pounds. I said what was expected in such a situation, “Wow! That’s hard to believe! You’re sooooo small now. Congrats!” I was thinking the conversation was over. But it sooo wasn’t. She whipped out a picture album from her purse. It was very disturbing to say the least. There were fleshy pictures. And yes, she was very obese at one point. But honestly, can’t we just take their word for it in lieu of the actual photographic proof!?!?!?!? Bah! It must be an epidemic. She wanted to do a speech about her diet success. I persuaded her that it might be a bit boring……..okay, I might have said boring, but I REALLY meant it would be disgusting. She thankfully took my advice. Yay!
And all that to say, I know how you feel!!!
2:07 am
Oh, Lawsie. So, let me see if I have this straight. She wants you to SEE the fat she no longer owns?
Reminds me of a faculty meeting I once attended where prizes were given for one silly thing and then another. Just for fun, you know.
Well, one prize was offered for the most unusual item in any attendee’s purse.
The winner? A woman who produced her son’s umbilical cord, which she carried in her purse at all times. um, her 14-year old son!
She deserved the prize, I thought. For reals.
oh, I hope neither your formerly fat acquaintance nor my umbilicalious (?) colleague are reading Holy Mama tonday!
2:08 am
today.
4:13 am
[…] I no longer have the mental image of the naked woman at kickboxing. In its place is the far more horrifying image of the bloody innards of Seth-2yr’s left […]
8:27 pm
Oh my goodness! How uncomfortable!
2:08 am
Wow…I can’t imagine someone in real life coming up to me to show me something like that. I mean we see it a lot on t.v etc. but a real person you barely know?….kinda creepy.Maybe she likes you…a lot.
2:09 am
P.s. It’s good to stop by here again..it’s been awhile.
9:38 pm
dude