Tuesday, June 17th 2008
Club 17 for June

As I type, a spider awaits certain death on the ceiling above me.  It’d be easier if we didn’t have huge ceilings that form an upside down V, and if the spider were not at the highest point of that upside down V. But whatever. 

At least it is not a snake.  Yesterday, it was a snake.  Not on the bedroom ceiling, of course.  In the backyard.  I ran in the house screaming for Mike, who was busy painting Caden-4yr’s room.  I told him of the snake with an expression on my face that clearly indicated he was expected to morph into Snake Terminator.  Pronto.  Perhaps that assumption seems a bit archaic in its gender roles, but I have no trouble with fully declaring that The One With Testicles Must Kill Snakes.  And spiders.  Please. 

Before yesterday, we’ve never had a snake, and so there had been no need to previously negotiate the Snake Terminator role.  (Therefore, it is rather impressive that it was all done instantaneously with the expression on my face, don’t you think?)  Not that this saved us any time.  Mike needed to wash his hands.  He’d been painting.  And apparently, Snake Terminators must have sparkling clean, hygienic hands to get near their subjects. 

Surgeons do not wash their hands as thoroughly as Mike did. 

However.  Then he donned boots (with shorts), and went to face the snake, who was stupid enough to hang around in the same spot for the entire time Mike washed and rewashed his hands. 

Since he was wearing boots with shorts – and holding the largest pair of BBQ tongs ever created, of course I took pictures and called the boys to watch through the window. 

Snake Terminator (with very clean hands, and boots – with shorts) prevailed.  We cheered.  We took photos.  I ushered the children away from the window when the snake needed to pass on from this life.

It was all very exciting, and Seth-2yr and Caden-4yr yelled ” NAKE!”  for what seemed like forever. Seth-2yr’s tongue did ’nake imitations all night.   Adrenalin ran high, and suddenly all of us were a bit jumpy about anything unexpectedly brushing up against us.  Mike and the boys looked up the ’nake on the internet and determined it was a mildly venomous but not deadly variety.  Blech.   

I am SO glad I do not have testicles. Even with them, I could not possibly wear shorts with boots.  Never.

Which brings me to the real point of this post. If you also do not have testicles, and do have breasts, then please do your monthly self breast exam. Pronto!  Then leave a comment on this post saying you did so, and then you are eligible to receive a fantastically cute  rainbow assortment of bath gels.  I think there are 7 or 8.  Very cute. 

Snake Terminator has slayed the spider.  Yay!

~hm

14 Comments on “Club 17 for June”

1
jubilee
June 17th, 2008
5:15 am

BSE completed! Thanks for the reminder.

2
bluepaintred
June 17th, 2008
6:14 am

darnit! I was hoping to see pictures of the NAKE!!

I did my SBE this morning in the shower. Lump is still under observation, they haven’t changed a bit, so that good! (and yes, I have seen a doc about the lump, had a mammogram and ultrasound – all I am supposed to do is “watch It”)

3
Karen B
June 17th, 2008
12:51 pm

I did my BSE…it only takes me half the time.
Snakes…already…wow…I better stay indoors.

4
Shalee
June 17th, 2008
2:44 pm

“I am SO glad I do not have testicles. Even with them, I could not possibly wear shorts with boots. Never.” You don’t know how these sentences made me giggle. I don’t do the snake thing either. Spiders I can handle. Snakes? Not so much. I’m such a decendant of Eve…

For the record, I wore boots with shorts when hiking in the Smoky Mtns. last summer. It was all the fashion rage on the trails.

My lasses are good to go, though they’re yelling at me about it. They’re saying that I should leave them alone and go eat more chocolate. Can you tell what I’m nearing? It ain’t the pool, I’ll tell ya that…

5
CMerie
June 17th, 2008
5:23 pm

All good.

My DH also is the bug killer. And if there was a snake, he would have to take care of that as well. Funny story…

When we first moved to the desert area of Arizona from Wyoming, we lived (live) in a third floor apartment. My ds was still crawling then, and was sitting on the landing area when I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I came out with a toothbrush hanging out of my mouth to check on Fritter. There, sitting right next to him was a cockroach that was 3 inches long! I had never seen one before, and I knew that it was the scariest, most disgusting bug I’d ever laid eyes on.

I scooped my son up and ran him to his room, where I plopped him in his crib. Then I stood frozen, wondering what to do. My dh was not home, and wouldn’t be for another hour or so. I couldn’t just let a huge cockroach have free reign over my home until he got here. So I grabbed the longest handled thing I could reach (my Swiffer) and chased the bug, intending to teach it and any of its friends to not come in my home. The roach ran (really fast) under my couch. YUCK! So I prodded at one end of the couch and out he ran from the other end.

I finally trapped him underneath the Swiffer, but I was now in an awkward position (I trapped him under the coffee table as well) and couldn’t get enough force on him to kill him. By this time I was in tears (so was Fritter, he was stuck in his crib) and didn’t know what to do. I knew he was still alive, I could see his little antennas moving outside of the Swiffer. So I piled enough CD’s (they were the only thing I could reach) on top of the Swiffer to keep the bug under there and reached for the phone. I called the apartment office to see if one of the maintenance guys would come up and get rid of the thing for me. Unfortunately, all the men had gone home for the day and all that was left was us girls.

The apartment manager grabbed a random man walking through the office and he came up and trapped the roach under a glass and took him outside and killed him. I haven’t seen another one since, but I still get buggy when I think about the big ugly thing. *shudder*

6
Karla
June 17th, 2008
5:30 pm

Oh you HAVE GOT TO POST those pics of ‘Nake Terminator! I’m ROFL just thinking about it. Wait until Thomas hears about this…

My BSE is done. Everything’s a-ok.

Hugs!

7
emily
June 17th, 2008
5:54 pm

i am all clear!

and sorry your spider is way out of reach. that’s the worst – especially when you look away for a minute and then they’re gone. gulp. hate that.

8
Becky
June 17th, 2008
6:30 pm

I’m all done!!

I just got married on Saturday to my own ‘Nake Terminator!’ – he promised to handle all the creepy crawly critters and I promised to make sure he has clean socks – sounds like a fair trade to me!

9
stacey
June 17th, 2008
6:52 pm

I actually can say without a doubt that I’m good. I had to go in for an ultrasound a couple weeks ago because I had found a lump. Praise the Lord there was nothing to worry about and I didn’t even have to have the mammogram!

10
stacey
June 17th, 2008
6:53 pm

I forgot to say that I’m happy I don’t have testicles either :o )

11
PharmacistMike
June 17th, 2008
7:29 pm

Actually, if you DO have testicles make sure you check them monthly too.

12
JIll
June 18th, 2008
1:50 am

No testicles here. Did BSE, felt something a little weird, but I am ovulating so who knows. Either way, I am calling cause we have major breast cancer in my family.

13
Jan
June 18th, 2008
7:24 pm

Exam done.
I too fully expect that My Man will exterminate all creepy crawly critters, in exchange for which I will gladly provide clean socks, hot meals, and the occasional back rub. Snakes—ew.

14
Melody
June 27th, 2008
4:43 pm

I keep forgetting to come by and check in!! Done over here…by the doctor-man this time…..All good here.

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