Sunday, July 20th 2008
Party for One

[This is NOT the Winner of Club 17 post.  That'll be in a few more days.] 

I’m wrapping up a very informal, ultra private celebration. What is that, exactly? Well. It’s been fun. I set up a hot pink ipod on a speaker right next to the bathtub and grabbed some little bath gel things in the shape of whales. So cute. Do you know the kind I mean? They’re clear, small, and they dissolve and give the bath a burst of moisturizing stuff. Fun. These were green whales. Which seems odd. They should have been blue whales. But anyway. They were also stubborn, and took over an hour to actually dissolve, and I refused to help them out by squishing them. It was a loooong bath. 

While soaking, I painted my toenails navy. Then one smudged. So I started over, and went with purple. Loooovely.

The playlist for this particular bath included:
Elvis — Are You Lonesome Tonight? (oh yeeees! Gloriously so, Elv, since the kids are gone)
Franki Valli — My Eyes Adored You
Dwight Yoakum — Honky Tonk Man
Oak Ridge Boys — Bobbie Sue (of course there’s an explanation, but it’s not that interesting.)
Eddie Rabbit — I Love a Rainy Night (am i the only one who loved that album cover? it caused me to fall in love with the 5 o clock shadow. it was a short phase.)
Prince — Kiss (yes, of COURSE i pretended to be Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman and air kissed. It was totally that kind of bath)
Metro Station — Kelsey (it’s just funny)
A whole bunch of songs that I downloaded because they have my mother’s name in the title. Now. This is a good idea if you’re giving your mother an ipod, and want to add a few unexpected songs. However. It is VERY important to edit out the songs that make it sound like your mother is evil. Oops. Deleting those soon. Every time one of the evil ones came on, I sunk below the water, bugged my eyes out, and alternated between giggling and gasping at the horror of some of the lyrics. How can those little song previews leave out so much negativity?! Deleting. Deleting. Deleting.
The Mavericks — What a Crying Shame
Willie Nelson — Shotgun Willie (i just like it when he twangs, “shotgun willie sits around in his underwear…”)
Bon Jovi — You Give Love a Bad Name
Black Crowes — Hard to Handle
Eva Cassidy — Over the Rainbow
Lyle Lovett — Long Tall Texan

So how long was that bath? More than 2 1/2 hours. Plenty of time to learn something utterly disgusting about the green whales. After the bath water cools, the moisturizing liquid within the whales actually transforms into a solid. A white solid that sticks to your entire body exactly as if you had shmeared yourself with Crisco. Did you know that? I had no idea. The discovery of being coated in a lardlike substance REALLY takes away all the appeal of those little whales. Never again.

So the purple toenail painting, Crisco wearing bath was a celebration because… my book is out! Julie emailed and told me she saw it on Amazon. I thought she was mistaken. I had no idea. I checked. Surreal.The next day a copy arrived from Capstone (the publisher). It was tied up with a chocolate-y brown ribbon. It’s prettier than I expected.It took less than 5 minutes for me to find a mistake. On the last sentence of the About the Author page, it reads “A Love for Larkspur” is his first novel. Did I write that? Uh, probably. Did I approve that? Definitely. My photo is there on the page. I look like a girl at least. But then there’s a description of all my non-girly hobbies. Mudding. Kickboxing. Etc. And then the ‘his first novel’ phrase.  Well. Apparently I had a trannie moment. That’s what every first time Christian author wants. A trannie moment. In print.

So when an author’s book comes out, there’s a certain expected response.  She (0r he, as the case may be) should publicize.  Ask others to do the same. Etc.   i just caaaan’t.  It’s taken me days to even write this!   

There’s a huge part about writing that I’ve never been comfortable with, but just always assumed I’d get over when the time came.  Except I haven’t.   When you write, a huge amount of yourself ends up on the page.  Flaws, biases, insecurities – all those things I don’t often point out to everyone.  It’s all there.  I know.  I tell y’all most of that stuff anyway.  But it’s in a very deliberate way.  And this is different, somehow.  

So I should tell you to all go and buy one.  To tell your friends to do the same.  But if I’m really being honest with you, I’m quite afraid that this was all some sort of mistake and it – and I – completely stink.  I keep remembering a time in elementary when I was sooo excited about Show and Tell.  I was a VERY shy kid, but for some reason I was excited that day about whatever I’d brought.  And when it was finally my turn, I changed my mind and told myself that what I’d brought really wasn’t that great after all, and that no one would be interested in it. I stayed in my seat and just shook my head no when the teacher asked if I had something to share.   

I’d still really like to just shake my head no and keep it to myself.  It was ages ago that I signed a contract with Capstone saying I’d get out of my chair and share.  The day was coming, of course, when it would arrive in a chocolate-y brown ribbon and a friend would tell me what websites it was listed on…  I thought I’d be ready. Who wouldn’t be ready for that…? This is my proverbial Big Break.  It bothers me to think how ungrateful it must seem to not be playing the role of excited author/marketer.    

I have a friend who likes to say, “It is what it is.” I hate it when he says that.

I sort of thought that by the time I was this age – and published – that I wouldn’t be such a trainwreck of insecurities and would hardly resemble the shy elementary kid I used to be.

I wonder why I thought that…It is what it is.

~hm

13 Comments on “Party for One”

1
Julie (formerly Desert Diva)
July 20th, 2008
4:31 am

Yeah for you! I can’t wait to read it.

And with all the delays in our adoption, “It is what it is” has become my mantra lately. (www.fourplusmore.com)

2
Janera
July 20th, 2008
5:17 am

Very exciting news! Worth celebrating with as long a bath as you like. I’m going over to Amazon to see if I can find it and purchase one. If so, I’ll blog about it. If not, please give more info. A title, maybe? lol

3
Janera
July 20th, 2008
5:26 am

oh, shoot. Now I see the title. Wish I knew how to delete the previous post so everybody doesn’t know how dumb I am. Oh, well.

Anyway, congrats, Kelsey!

4
emily
July 20th, 2008
7:51 pm

congratulations :) that’s great news! i think it’ll be a long time before our insecurities are all figured out…

5
kelli
July 20th, 2008
9:45 pm

It sounds wonderful! I like the flamingo on the cover. :)

And eew about the whales. I didn’t know that either.

6
julie carobini
July 20th, 2008
10:16 pm

All I can say is, welcome to my world, lol… And everyone knows all great writers are full of insecurities…right? Congrats!!!

7
Matt Jaworski
July 21st, 2008
2:07 am

To tell your friends to do the same. But if I’m really being honest with you, I’m quite afraid that this was all some sort of mistake and it – and I – completely stink. I keep remembering a time in elementary when I was sooo excited about Show and Tell. I was a VERY shy kid, but for some reason I was excited that day about whatever I’d brought. And when it was finally my turn, I changed my mind and told myself that what I’d brought really wasn’t that great after all, and that no one would be interested in it.

8
CMerie
July 21st, 2008
8:25 pm

How exciting! I’m so glad it’s out. As soon as I can, I plan on buying a copy, and I’ll blog about it. That’ll help publicize. Don’t worry, I was (and still am) that shy kid that never did show and tell either. Writing a book is a great accomplishment though, and you have already made the biggest step in sharing a piece of yourself. This part is small potatoes.

9
jubilee
July 22nd, 2008
12:43 pm

Congratulations! A worthy occasion for an extended soak, for sure. So sorry about the Crisco, though. Good thing to know.

Can’t remember the last time the Jubilant household was quiet enough for a luxurious bath. Something to wish for, I guess.

10
George Duncan
July 23rd, 2008
2:42 am

Just wanted to say hello to another Capstone writer. Hope blessings (and sales) are chasing you down and overtaking you.

George

11
April
July 23rd, 2008
2:05 pm

Oh, Kelsey! How exciting to actually have the book in your hands. It must be a good feeling.
I’m sorry your insecurities are marring the moment. I can relate. That’s why I’ve never finished any of the books I’ve begun. Now THAT’S sad. I even quit blogging because I realized that my parents were reading some of my deepest thoughts. (Not ready for that! Lots of growing up to do, here!)
Don’t beat yourself up for being human, give yourself a pat on the back for being persistent and for pursuing your dream.

12
geekwif
July 26th, 2008
8:27 pm

Woo Hoo!!!

I highly doubt that it – or you – “completely stink”. I just read the Amazon thingy on it and I can’t wait to read it!

I gotta say that at this moment, you are my hero. I absolutely mean that. I totally understand being scared to put yourself (or any creative expression of yourself) “out there”. But you did it! You not only had the idea, but you completed it and published it! You totally rock!

13
stacey
July 27th, 2008
1:40 am

I’ve been reading here since I started my own blog and I can’t wait to read your book. I know just how long and hard you’ve worked on this and I’m so proud of you!

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