Monday, August 4th 2008
Blessings (or something) Raining Down Upon My Head

Today is one of those inevitable days of motherhood.  The not fun, not glamorous, not rewarding,  just plain NASTY days of Motherhood.  It’s only halfway through the day.  It might get better.  It can hardly get worse.   

Seth-2yr is potty training.  He’s the easiest so far, not to any credit of mine.  He’s just like that.  

The kids and I had a picnic lunch in the backyard, and then afterwards they played while I collapsed on the couch and tried to keep my eyes open.  Unusually tired, I was telling myself that all I had to do was wait another 20 minutes, then get them nap-ready and I could really relax.  Maybe even sleep.  

And then I looked out the window and noticed one of Seth-2yr’s legs looked much darker than the other. Poo color, to be exact.  I sent Ethan-8yr and Caden-4yr inside, and decided a preliminary garden hose cleanup was indeed necessary for this particular mess.  Off came the shorts, and the undies.  Almost.  

[Sidenote:  why is there always, always the most poo when it occurs in a non-ideal place? At those times it is never a small amount. EVER.] 

Seth-2yr is holding on to my arm, trying to step out of the undies, and I’m mouth breathing and visualizing cake frosting. I do that, in order to trick my gag response. Perhaps it’s because I’m distracted with thougthts of faux-chocolate that I make a massive miscalculation and say, “just kick your leg out of it.”

Y’all.

That was not smart.

He DID kick his leg out of it. And a giant poo clod shmacked me straight on the right side of my face. Other smaller clods rained down upon us both. We looked at each other and screamed.

[Sidenote #2: Mouth-breathing and cake frosting visualization can only go so far, and it goes nowhere near the vicinity of this particular nightmare.]

So we’re clean finally. We’ve been hosed down outside, bathed inside, and antibacterial hand washed at numerous points in the process. And I’m not in the least bit sleepy anymore.

The bright side is that the final child is almost completely potty trained, and not a moment too soon.

(That’s just me trying to sound positive. It actually translates to: “If I’d potty trained him already, like I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE, I wouldn’t be sitting here wondering if I still smell like poop.” Yeah. That’s more accurate.)

~hm

16 Comments on “Blessings (or something) Raining Down Upon My Head”

1
Grim Reality Girl
August 4th, 2008
8:13 pm

Okay seriously, this post needed to start with a hilarity warning! I’m at work you know. It makes it obvious that I’m slacking when peels of laughter erupt and coffee shoots from my nose. Chocolate frosting?? You kill me!!!!

Sorry for your nightmare….. thanks for a well needed laugh!

2
CMerie
August 4th, 2008
9:26 pm

So funny! We are getting ready to start potty training my ds (21 months) soon. I’m sure I will be remembering your experience and praying I don’t have one similar. ;-)

3
Karla
August 4th, 2008
9:31 pm

We had a breeze blowing from the East. Now I know where that smell came from. LOL Just kidding.

Michael’s trying to potty train, too. I’m going to invest in some full-body rain gear, face masks, etc. :)

4
WAHMBrenda
August 4th, 2008
11:53 pm

Sorry to hear that you had such a rough day.

5
Add
August 5th, 2008
12:29 am

I LAUGHED SO HARD at this story! I’m also in the middle of potty training and I’ve made a mental note of what not to say. I will say that even in the smallest of messes, I can not seem to wash and antibacterial myself quite enough. It takes awhile to feel clean, so I can only imagine!

6
Morgan
August 5th, 2008
1:35 am

Ok, that was hilarious. Thankfully, both of my boys are potty trained…but we do have another on the way! I needed that laugh! I’ve been questioning my parenting abilities lately, especially in relation to my three year old. It seems like one thing after another the past couple of days, and you can only wonder sometimes what people must think of your child. Some days I feel like we are doing everything right because people tell us how great our kids are, and then others it seems like I have to discipline them every five minutes! Ok, I don’t know how I rambled off on this…loved your post!!

7
emily
August 5th, 2008
2:08 am

oh man. just yuck! tomorrow will be a new day, and after a shower i’ll bet you feel clean and hopefully there won’t be any more incidents. right?

8
Mysti
August 5th, 2008
2:41 pm

I know I shouldn’t laugh. I should be sympathetic. But moments like that help remind me that no matter how adorable Tiff’s new baby is, I really *don’t* want to start all over. Therefore, I laugh.

Shame on me.

Hang in there.

9
Mary Jenkins
August 6th, 2008
1:28 am

you made me, lady! so hard i almost pooped!

10
Angi
August 6th, 2008
5:27 pm

The mental picture of this will have me laughing all day long!

11
Mirinda
August 7th, 2008
1:18 am

This is my first time coming to your blog….and I just laughed so hard my hubby paused his movie to ask me what the heck was so funny. I’m so relieved it didn’t go in your mouth, I was afraid that’s where it was going! LOL

12
Sarah at themommylogues
August 8th, 2008
7:17 pm

Oh. Oh no. That’s just. Ugh. The mommies do not get paid enough. And need more frequent spa dates. I long for the day when the only behind I have to wipe is my own.

13
Lynnette
August 16th, 2008
1:22 am

Kelsey, You just kill me! Too funny, but only because I’ve potty trained 4 kids myself. Hang in there – he’ll be graduating before you know it.

14
Nicole
August 28th, 2008
6:42 am

Oh my! A similar incident at my house is what initiated our potty training endeavors a few months ago. My sympathies…and thanks for a good laugh.

15
beck
October 20th, 2008
5:21 am

I’m seriously laughing so hard out loud right now. I’m SOOOO sorry but wow is that hilarious! =)

16
Holy Mama! » Big Girl Panties. Christmas-y.
December 26th, 2009
10:14 pm

[...] Potty training little boys is over, thank God, but still recent enough in my memory so that the words “big boy underwear” is still in my mom vocabulary.    Seth-4yr insists on wearing his big boy underwear backwards. Every day. I mighta pointed it out once or twice to him, so if he chose to switch them he could but he never did and I never tried to force the issue. There’s a million other battles to choose and backwards undies is not one of them. (Keeping the pets undie-free IS one of them, and they thank me for that. Well. No they don’t, but if they could they would.) [...]

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