Tuesday, September 30th 2008
So I’ve Been “Anti” Again

Anti-phone, anti-computer/emails/blogs/etc, anti-social in general.   But I’ve learned a few things, not as a result of my Anti Status.  Just a few random things. 

1) i can – if hungry enough – totally eat my own lunch without getting at all bothered by the toddler at the table dunking french fries into chocolate milk before eating them.  it is oddly possible.

2) I can plant tulips, daffodils, and crocuses with great efficiency on my own.  The same bulbs might get planted with no efficiency whatsoever – but with interesting conversations  - if little boys ‘help.’

Interesting Converastion had while planting tulip:

Caden-4yr: Mom, how will we know this is my flower?

Me:  We won’t.  You’re planting it for the whole family.  You’re the one who plants it, but when it comes up next spring, the whole family gets to enjoy it.  Just like dinner. If i make dinner, it’s not just MY dinner.  I made it, but then the whole family gets to eat it.

(my family is snickering already, because there were probably loads more examples that would have been better.  I cannot cook. And that should not have been overlooked. )

Caden-4yr:  [making a face at the mere mention of my making dinner]  Oooooooh.  Well.  If the family doens’t like my flower, that’s okay. [shaking head sadly]  I’ll  still like it. 

That is NOT the way that conversation was supposed to go. But it was interesting at least.

3) I’ve decided the new neighbors in the house behind us must be from out of state.

I haven’t met them. I haven’t noticed out of state license plates. I’m basing this solely on their wind chime.

I live in West Texas, where the wind often reaches tropical storm, or category 1 hurricane strength. And you know what? No one really cares. It just IS. The women here don’t generally wear short flippy skirts, we hold on to our smaller children pretty tight, and no one has a wind chime. That’s just what you do when you live here. Adjust the yard art and skirt wardrobe accordingly. (I learned the skirt rule the hard way, after moving here. That’s another story.)

Wind chimes do not exist here, because they would NEVER stop chiming. Even when the air is unusually calm – which is almost never – it isn’t ever still. So a West Texas wind chime has to be as heavenly sounding as an angel with a harp. Because everyone will be hearing it FOR ETERNITY. It will never stop.

The new, must be out of state neighbors’ wind chime? Not heavenly. Seemingly eternal, but not heavenly.

The good news about wind chimes here is that they do not last. Wind Chimes cannot be made strong enough, tough enough, ballsy enough for our winds. Even the strongest looking ones break, splinter, and fall piece by piece to the ground in relatively quick measure.

This alone has prevented me from scaling a fence with a pair of scissors and a ski mask.     

4) Kids with fundraisers like to target families on Sunday nights.

Perhaps that’s when we’re most likely at home and feeling generous. This past Sunday night the doorbell rang time after time and I was unfortunately both at home and feeling generous. Or not, but I can’t ever turn a kid away with a fundraiser. I don’t know why. Why are they selling junk food though? All of them! Between Mike and I, we’ve bought gallons and gallons of cookie dough from these fundraisers, chocolate/caramel/or cheese coated popcorn (gag! i don’t even like coat-less popcorn), and ….. i forgot. There was more. I don’t remember. When it all shows up in a few weeks, I’ll have to try to give it away, or Mike will have to take it to work. Let me know if you’re interested. (Now that I’ve made it sound so yummy!)  

5) All the electrical outlets in our house were installed UPSIDE DOWN.

No big problem. Who cares? Turn the plug the other way. I’ve lived here for how many years and only just now noticed, and care….? Whatever could have brought that about…? Ahh. Well. A friend and I were at Bath and Body Works and she showed me these cute little outlet fragrant things. We picked out a smell that I could live with – not foody or fruity. Linen, or Cotton, or something like that. I plugged it in, went to bed, and awoke to the most unfortunate smell ever. Actually, it was the same smell I liked in the store the day before, but to an extremely BAD level of smelling salt-ish intensity. I should have known something was wrong when I plugged it in and it looked upside down. I figured that was just the design. Noooo. A month or two’s worth of Cotton or Linen scent does NOT smell pleasant. And now I know.

6) It’s possible to get a little boy to stay still and go to sleep with one sentence: “If you wiggle, you’ll mess up your hair.”

The above HAS to be said with a straight face, and to a child who – for no reason known to me – actually cares about his hair at the time. This was discovered out of pure desperation, creativity, and luck.

~hm

16 Comments on “So I’ve Been “Anti” Again”

1
amy
September 30th, 2008
6:49 pm

We have the exact same problem with our outlets. I noticed it when the picture on my son’s night light was upside-down and I couldn’t fix it and I’d sit there and nurse him and be irritated with the upside-down moon.

Now he’s almost four and the outlets don’t bother me nearly as much as the whirlwind of mess he leaves in his wake.

2
geekwif
September 30th, 2008
8:59 pm

“This alone has prevented me from scaling a fence with a pair of scissors and a ski mask.”

I love that. Next thing you know, they’ll be calling you the Ninja Windchime Killer.

3
Shalee
September 30th, 2008
9:47 pm

Ack! My son the Bear scout is supposed to sell popcorn. Poor kid. He’s either gonna have to get busy on it or else be the scout who turns nothing in. I very much dislike fundraisers. It galls me to have someone ask for me to buy something that a) I don’t want or b) I could buy much cheaper on my own. I’d rather give them money and move on.

4
kelli
September 30th, 2008
10:04 pm

My outlets are upside down also. It’s annoying.

I finished A Love For Larkspur last night and I really enjoyed it!! :)

5
Karla
September 30th, 2008
10:27 pm

“(my family is snickering already, because there were probably loads more examples that would have been better. I cannot cook. And that should not have been overlooked. )”

I do have to say, my hate-to-cook friend, you make DELICIOUS chocolate truffles! I’m still thinking about them. Next time you decide to make some, think of ME. :)

6
jubilee
October 1st, 2008
1:43 am

Ooooooo! That IS creative. I’ll have to try that on my four year old Whirling Dervish at bedtime tomorrow night!

7
Kathy in West Texas
October 1st, 2008
11:36 am

I do have a windchime…INSIDE my apartment! LOL But, you’re right, there would be no way to have one outside. The neighbors would complain all the time, that’s for sure.

8
Jen
October 1st, 2008
6:09 pm

I hate wind chimes. I don’t understand the purpose. All I need to do is look outside at tree, flag, pre-teen wearing her sister’s headband as a skit, to know if it’s windy. Why do I need a constant tinkling, crinkling, clanging reminder?! Am I THAT lazy that I can’t pull the curtain aside or flip from Prison Break to the Weather Network on commercials? No offense to those who love Wind Chimes but seriously, I don’t get it.

9
Cassie J.
October 1st, 2008
6:10 pm

**Ding-Dong**

I’m selling magazine subscriptions, would you like to help sponsor our band by purchasing one?

10
Julianne Heinen
October 3rd, 2008
1:25 pm

You are hilarious.

11
Holy Mama! » Three Cheers
October 9th, 2008
6:47 pm

[...] stupid windchime died within 24 hours of my writing of it.  Yea! (no i do NOT think that the neighbors might have [...]

12
Faithfulmommy
October 10th, 2008
1:11 am

Too funny!! I have missed you – I hope to catch up again!!

13
kiwimum
October 13th, 2008
2:35 am

Love the hair/wiggling idea, will have to remember that one for getting my lil girl off to sleep! need all the help we can get

14
AtlantaMama
October 26th, 2008
6:45 pm

I enjoyed reading this post… I found you thru “BECOMING ME” blogroll. The wind chimes thing was VERY funny! And I have a son (14 mo) so I also enjoyed reading your stories about him “helping”. = )

15
Dinah Maddox
November 13th, 2008
3:40 am

go2u9in0d02xlx8z

16
Holy Mama! » Holiday Stuff
December 1st, 2009
1:53 am

[...] I don’t even like wind chimes. I don’t like to even SEE neighbors, or hear them, and i definitely do not like to hear what their houses are in the mood to SING.  Go ahead – thank God right now that you are not my neighbor. I’m not offended in the slightest. [...]

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