Is it just me, or were we just doing this a few days ago…?
Every month on the 17th I bug y’all to do self breast exams. You leave a comment on this post saying you did, you wonder if this is the month you go for the cute blog button about Club 17, and then maybe you win the prize. Last month I think I gave the flowers from Proflowers that benefitted breast cancer research. I’m good at prizes. Really.
So! Any questions? Are you new? No problem. It’s all here.
Mike’s birthday is soon. For a long complicated reason I won’t go into, I thought it was today. I know WHEN his birthday is, but I thought that particular date was today’s date. It’s not. So it was an accidental surprise party this morning when I sent the boys in to wake him up (‘NICELY, quietly, tiptoeing, do not jump on him, and give him birthday kisses.’) They came back to inform me that it wasn’t his birthday. He got up and played along anyway. It’s hard to know what to get a guy like Mike. He has everything. I have an idea, though, and I’ll tell you next week if I do it. When I first met Mike he had been married, divorced and had a two year old. I remember being disappointed to learn he was only 22. Maybe it was that my first crush, at age 6, was the grayest grizzliest looking member of the Oak Ridge Boys, but I sorta hoped he’d be older than – well, barely drinking age. And now he is! There’s just something great about gray hair and balding. Not that Mike is there yet. He isn’t. At all.One day, though. He’s at the gym right now, and I’m sitting on the couch writing about how one day I hope he gets some gray hair. On what I thought was his birthday. That is so wrong.
i got sick, too. I had thought we were done with it all, and everyone had recovered. But then I got it. Better now.
While sick, I had lots of time to sleep and think. And, like you, I’m sure – I do some seriously brilliant thinking while sick. I always come to the same conclusion: the toilet is never close enough to the master bedroom. I have thought this – while sick – at all homes I’ve ever lived in. Why does it have to be so faaaaar….?
Also, I picked up a diet book that Mike had left in the bathroom.
A few notes about this:
1) I don’t diet.
2) I don’t read diet books.
3) I’m pretty small.
4) I have a particular hatred for this particular diet book because one day Mike brought it home and PRESENTED it to me. (Men, don’t you EVER do that! Don’t EVER come home and say, “I got you something!” And hand over a diet book to your wife. It does not matter what size she is, or how patient you think she is. She is not that understanding. But if I’m wrong on that, and she IS that understanding, why in the world would you want to change a thing about a woman like that anyway? Leave that saint alone.)
It’s not one of those How to Lose Weight diet books – which is probably why Mike thought (WRONG) it would be fine to give it to me. It’s more of a How to Eat Right for Health kind of diet books. So despite points 1 -4 above, I was in the bathroom a lot, and so was that book, which claimed that people who follow this diet don’t get sick. I don’t know if that’s true, but considering how very sick I was at the time I read that claim, it made me flip through it a little more.
And it talked a lot about the difference between living foods and dead foods. Living being raw fruit, veggies, nuts that haven’t been roasted. ‘Dead’ food being cooked stuff and animal stuff. There was a description of how meat is digested that made me even MORE ill, and i won’t share that with you. But it did make me wonder about eating meat, and I didn’t for awhile. I’m still not sure I’ll go back to it in the same way, if at all. I’m impressionable. We should be very careful the sort of reading material left around me.
So I recovered from the stomach virus and decided I would spend my first day of wellness eating all kinds of living foods. I went out to feed the dog and nibbled on some swiss chard I was growing in a pot. I had grown it because it was pretty, not because I ever intended to eat it, but that was BEFORE. This was after. Then I went to the health food store and bought as many living things as I could think of. Then the grocery store.
Then I came home and unpacked and snacked. I tried some truly vile, ‘living’ things that no one in this house will probably ever eat. I tasted things I never would have before. But again, this was AFTER. I found I like a certain brand of veggie juice, when mixed with carrot juice, and a lot of other things, too. Last night at dinner the kids were surprised when they each had a purple carrot on their plate. Caden-4yr ate his, and the other boys took bites to taste it, but that was it. Apparently the boys’ love of all things purple stops at carrots. It was worth a try.
So it’s been 2 days. And I’m not going all hardcore on this thing (the swiss chard in the backyard was a one time thing, and it needn’t fear me when I pass by again. ew.), but I already feel better. Healthier. My eating wasn’t very good before, and I’m inspired to make some definite changes.
But that in no way should be interpreted as “see…? it IS fine to give your wife a diet book. she’ll get over it eventually and appreciate it.”
In case you’re wondering it’s The Hallelujah Diet.
And NO. If it has a spiritual title, that does not make it okay to give to a wife for Christmas.
this is not an endorsement for the book or the diet. it’s just a ‘hey, look what i found on the bathroom floor, and tried it a little, and now i’m eating plants in the backyard’ kind of post. take it for what it’s worth.
So I wanted an Action Plan to keep me way busy post-election. And then a nasty virus blew through the house that had all three boys as sick as they could be, with laundry needing to be done constantly and sanitizing even more often than that.
So. I think they’re all on the mend, now. Too soon to be completely sure. But I’m hopeful.
I’m halfway through my list of activities specifically scheduled to keep me from obsessing over the nation’s electoral process. (just because I don’t talk about politics here does not mean I am not interested, involved, or so overly involved I need an Action Plan for Sanity and Distraction) So last night I baked four lasagnas and went to kickboxing – which is quite enough to drain me of the energy needed to obsess over anything. It effectively prevented me from watching the state by state count on television.
Today I need to reheat the lasagnas, make 5 garlic loaves, take them to kids’ school for teacher appreciation lunch, and then go to kickboxing again later.
My teacher appreciation is sincere, since I’ve taught little kids before and found it to be EXTREMELY difficult. I wish my culinary offerings showed that gratitude with artfully baked carb layers, but since i”m not much of a cook, they’ll just have to SENSE my appreciation. They’re nice ladies – I think they can do it.
Sidenote to the American Beauty Lasagna company: that little note on the side of the red box about ‘make ahead and put on waxed paper so the noodles don’t stick….?’ That was brilliant. In theory. Except that they DO stick, and then you have to pick waxed paper off the noodles, which eats up any time you might have saved by making them a few hours ahead of time. And might make for a papery, chewy experience, should I have missed any. But since I was trying to distract myself with big projects, I really didn’t mind all that much. However, that’s probably not how your usual customer thinks.
It’s a good day. Soon the house will smell of garlic bread, Bocelli will be singing – loudly – and a great workout awaits at the end of the day. Good plan.