Monday, November 23rd 2009
Weird Things the Kids Say…

1. Ethan-9yr, upon inspection of his goldfish crackers: “Are these the organic cheddar variety?”

“uh, NO. those are multigrain.”

Then I had to google pepperidge farm to see if he was making it up, and if there really are organic cheddar goldfish. There isn’t.

2. Ethan-9yr had a conversation last night with my mom, made up with phrases he thought were French. I cannot and will not even attempt to re-create it here. It made no sense then. It won’t here either. Notable, though, since he got frustrated with her for not understanding the meaning of his phrases, even though he admitted he’d made them all up. I left the table and left them to it.

And LaLa — I know. You’re right. i used to do the same thing, and my favorite was trying to use the word ‘souffle’ in every conversation. Which is hard for a little Texas girl to pull off. But I did it anyway.

3. Caden-5yr: “NO ONE else’s mom in my class has a monster truck.” (I wasn’t there for this one. Don’t know if he was embarrassed of me or not for this one, but knowing him… probably.)

4. Seth-4yr: “Prolly.”  My mother REALLY wants to tell him about the extra syllable, making this word ‘probably,’ but feels she cannot do so until i stop saying it that way, too. I’m 34. Good luck. But I only say it that way when i’m really tired. And that extra syllable is SO much more effort.

5. Caden-5yr: “And NO ONE else’s mother kickboxes.”

(Sigh.)

6. Seth-4yr, to me: “Why you not pitty anymore?”  Yes. ‘Pitty’ does mean ‘pretty.’  He thinks I’m only pitty when my hair is up, and I had taken it out of its (really unpretty) ponytail only to be met with him appearing at the bathroom door, asking why i’m no longer pitty.  Maybe I should teach the child the question, “What’s with the ugly hair?”  Nah.

7. Seth-4yr on how to solve the dilemma of making a snowball that will not fall apart: “Just take a meatball while it is still cold and FO that!”  {Fo = throw}

This may make no sense at all to you, but it’s a subtle commentary on how meatballs in this house are always the frozen, from-a-bag variety. So, need a snowball that won’t fall apart? Get a frozen meatball from the freezer. Seth-4yr is brilliant like that.

And I don’t like squishing meat between my fingers if at all possible. This mighta been the last time. The phrase ‘sausage balls’ still makes me gag. And laugh. But mainly gag.

8. Ethan-9yr, on his view of my writing success, or lack thereof (which cracks me up all on its own): “How big is your name on your book?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Ethan-9yr: “If you’re a REALLY good writer, your name is bigger than the title.”

I collapse laughing. Mike runs and gets a copy and shows it to him. Because that’s just what we do here.

So then Ethan-9yr looks at it, shrugs, and says, “Well. Not bad. It’s bigger than Roland Smith’s name on HIS books, and he’s my favorite author.”
I’m so glad I’m not trying to impress these kids. From the frozen meatballs, to the non French speaking adult version of myself, and the doing ALL the things the other mothers don’t, to the uglified hair… well. At least my name is bigger than Roland Smith’s.  (but I’m not in any rush to  tell Ethan-9yr Roland Smith is a MUCH more successful writer.)

At least my hair is up. Seth-4yr, right now I am pitty.

~hm

5 Comments on “Weird Things the Kids Say…”

1
Sara
November 24th, 2009
2:58 am

Life sure is fun when you have cute and smart kids! ;)
But it can get uncomfortable too…

2
Jan
November 25th, 2009
3:14 am

Oh my goodness how I have missed your blogging about your sweet and funny little guys!!

3
ken
April 7th, 2011
6:00 pm

,there is only 1 chance to be a kid, they grow up so fast injoy it now when they grow up all they want is money (:

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