Thursday, March 18th 2010
My Impersonation of a Bottle of Febreze

Something very minor happened and it messed with my head and this is all about me sorting it out. You’re welcome to read along through the craziness but don’t feel obligated.

I’m not real big on what other people say or think. I’m not really one to care. I’m the little sister of an overachiever, and I grew up LIKING that she could handle all the world’s expectations for both of us all on her own. I took great advantage of it. Still do, as evidenced by all the times I catch myself saying, “I don’t know, ask LaLa, she is crazy-smart,” to one of the kids any time they have a question I don’t know the answer to. Which is a lot.

Sometimes I intentionally let people think the worst of me because I don’t mind at all when others have very low expectations of me. It’s a relief.

Anyone with a blog has probably inadvertently offended someone along the way and been called AWFUL things. Over the years, I have, and it kinda amused me. Like the time I mentioned my genuine dislike for the music of E l t o n  J o h n, and you wouldn’t believe the nasty things that were said on this site and other sites. That? That cracked me up. Shocked me to pieces, but cracked me up anyway.

Not too long ago, on my old site, a guy left a comment that was absolutely obscene in his description of me. (he was waaaay mad at me. and a bad speller.) I deleted some of the letters, but ‘cleaned it up’ a little and left it instead of deleting the whole thing. I really don’t care if someone wants to say stuff like that.  It was a real and honest opinion,  regardless of the content.

So? I thought I had this issue all figured out. Isn’t that cute? And dumb?

And then someone came along and wrote a brief, but very forthright and honest and real summary of her thoughts of me after spending some time on this, and another, site. And it wasn’t obscene. Or offensive.  And she made some REALLY good points. Even said some nice stuff.

And it bothered me. But that confused me, since I normally DON’T care, and I pretended that it didn’t bother me until I could figure it out. And now I have. And that’s why you’re along on this blog-post trainwreck of crazy analysis with me, and i’m almost done. Hang on.  The ride will end shortly and we will return to our previously scheduled chaos involving kids and poop and whatever else I usually talk about.

I am an Air Clearer. Like Febreze.

I cannot just go on with the life and poop stories til I do this.

I don’t care if people like me. A lot of the time I genuinely hope they don’t. It makes my life easier. But I DO care if they think I’m honest or not.

I wondered what it is specifically that she doesn’t believe. Although, as I explained to her, I understand that. My life is weird. And weird things happen. But I don’t just make stuff up. (When I do make stuff up, I call it  fiction, and it goes into small, apparently overpriced books. But here? This crazy stuff is all true)  I would have rather she said she disliked me intensely. Or called me awful, obscene names. Or said she hated my shoes. Pretty much anything else.

Now – since then –  any time something happens and I start to file it away in my brain in the file labeled “Maybe I’ll Work This Into a Blog One Day” something odd happens in my brain’s filing system. All those things refuse to go into that file and now go into one labeled, “Anna Will NEVER Believe This.”   I think that file eats up and destroys everything that comes close to it.

So I haven’t been writing. And that is the insanity behind WHY.

As I have officially Cleared the Air, I think maybe I’ll be fine now and just. move. on.


This is me moving on.

So I’ve decided that I LIKE that I’ve always been good with people who leave comments that argue, disagree, question my character, or even insult me sometimes. And I still am. I really LIKE it when people just say what they think, even if it bugs me and messes with my head for a week. I can handle that.  Maybe not well, but whatever. I’ll get there.

And this is me getting there.

* Anna, if you’re reading this, hi. You gave me a lot to think about. I suspect you give a lot of people a lot to think about, regularly, and I really don’t mean that in a bad way. I really do like it that you say what you mean. But please, when you read my book and if you hate it, don’t leave a real plainspoken review on amazon. com detailing all the reasons why it sucks and thank you so much!

Now. I’m going to go do laundry.

Ahh, crap. Even I don’t believe that.


7 Comments on “My Impersonation of a Bottle of Febreze”

March 18th, 2010
3:05 pm

Don’t let it get you down. I know it’s hard, but really, don’t.

BTW, I just posted my review from my blog over at amazon (nothing new or different, I really just copied and pasted it, but felt it should be there too). The website says it may take 48 hours for it to post.

March 18th, 2010
4:36 pm

I SO understand this! If someone doesn’t like me that’s their business, but for someone to think I’m not honest, that is a strike against my character, and much more difficult to handle.

That said, now that you’ve explained that you and the things you say on your blog are honest, it’s up to her to believe you or not. Don’t let it drag you down if someone (not just Anna) doesn’t believe you. You know it’s the truth.

crickl's nest
March 18th, 2010
7:56 pm

I guess I need to start reading the comments. It sounds entertaining!

I don’t feel like we had closure with the footprints in the snow story. I hope to read about the conclusion some day. =)

March 18th, 2010
8:52 pm

I like the way you think! :) Wish I could think that way. I can’t understand why Anna would leave a comment like that either… Sheesh. Even if a person thinks that way, why would you type that all out?

March 22nd, 2010
11:19 pm

Eh. Who cares what they think?

By the way…crazy things happen to me and I’m not ashamed to admit that I sometimes stop in the middle of whatever circumstance and think “this will make a great blog post.” Sometimes…I even take pictures for proof. :)

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