Last night Seth-4yr and I went out for nachos. We are a highly unlikely pair to go out for nachos. We are both a bit intolerant of food touching our fingers. Well. Messy food. And nachos are messy.

Seth-4yr’s nachos had meat, refried beans, queso, tomatoes, and sour cream. Messy.

Mine had all of the above except the meat and with guacamole. Also messy.

Other people would have been SO annoyed to eat nachos with either one of us, but we sat there happily together  - using forks whenever possible even though, yeah. they’re forks. and it’s nachos. WHATEVER.  We stopped every few moments to grab more napkins.

We’re not prissy. Both of us LOVE to be dirty and covered in dirt or mud.  I am often mud or dirt streaked from whatever it is I’ve been doing outside. But food? That is SO different. Don’tyathink? I can have a mud clod drying on my face and not mind one bit. It kinda makes me happy. Okay, it REALLY does. But a tiny dot of sour cream on my finger and I can’t stand it. I can practically feel it ooching its way under my fingernail where maybe I won’t notice it and then it’ll turn even more sour creamier and maybe go undetected and bleh i just shudder at the thought.

Seth-4yr really gets this. He’s a nacho with a fork kinda kid.

We share the same belief about waffles/pancakes. And it’s a strange belief. And not one I ever told him, or modeled for him, since I try to limit my strangeness so it doesn’t rub off on innocent kids more than absolutely necessary. He just came to the same, odd conclusion completely on his own in a totally weird way.

This shared belief is simple: Waffles/pancakes are good with syrup, but only if someone else feeds them to you. And if no one will feed them to you, they are not worth it. Ever.  Do not eat them without a Willing Waffle Feeder.

And we’re a busy house. It’s not often where Mike wanders in and says, “good morning, honey. would you like it if I stopped my life completely in order to feed you waffles?”

But yaknow. Sometimes it kinda happens anyway. Like when he is eating them and he realizes that I’m staring a hole through his plate – like a dog – and then he’ll usually hold his fork my way for a bite or two. And then make fun of me. But that’s what you get when you won’t eat waffles on your own.

I just realized I didn’t explain WHY. And I totally overlooked this explanation because to me – and to Seth-4yr – the WHY is abundantly obvious. If you feed yourself waffles with syrup, it is absolutely hands-down, 100% going-to-happen that the syrup will sneak right on up the fork handle and GET ON YOUR HAND. Specifically, it will get BETWEEN your fingers. With the sticky. And there’s no getting it off with a napkin, you have to run calmly to the nearest sink while trying not to scream. And that? THAT IS NOT WORTH IT. EVER. NEVER.

I could hyperventilate right now just thinking about it.

I’d prefer that whenever eating waffles with people, that the person seated to my right and left ALSO not be waffle eaters, but that’s just a preference and not a rule.

Breakfast anyone? I am SO hungry.

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