Around here, I don’t really do holiday themed posts. I ignore holidays usually. Or I write something that is sort of a nod in the general direction of a holiday, but it is often somewhat irreverent. Just a warning. This is one of those.

It started a couple of  mornings ago. I was in bed. Asleep, after a mostly sleepless night. There was a lot of little boy giggling coming from the living room. My first thought was, “I should yell. Or get up. But someone is up to no good out there. Or ALL of them, more likely.” But that’s awfully suspicious of me. And it’s just laughing. And I went back to sleep.

Seth-4yr came in, shirtless, and said, “Mommy! Look what I can do!” And he stood with his back to me and sort of wiggled his elbows around behind him.

“Yes. That is very special. Thank you for showing me.” And I nodded and actually opened my eyes so he would think I had truly appreciated this and go away real fast.

Then Caden-6yr came and did it. And Ethan-10yr. And there was much giggling, particularly when I thanked them and oohed and ahhed over their shirtless back wiggling displays. I figured it was about muscles. Isn’t it usually?

I didn’t understand what was so funny, but they’re three little boys and I often do not get their humor. It doesn’t bother me – this is actually a very good thing. And I was tired. I was just glad they were amusing themselves and laughing and not hurting each other because then I could stay in bed a few more minutes.

And then… Mike goes out to the living room and I hear him say, “Uh. Wow. Did you show Mom?”  And then add, “Really? Well, maybe you better show her again.”

And Seth-4yr came and did it again. And it made no sense. But he laughed his little head off when I seemed impressed.

Mike left with the two older boys, who thankfully put on shirts and were off to school. So I called.

“What are they doing? With their backs…?”

And the answer?

“They are ‘making extra butts’ on their backs.”

I was wide awake by this point and blown away at the bizarre nature of that statement. What? Why would anyone do that? Why would THREE anyones do that? I have been giving positive reinforcement all morning long to the extra butts my kids are making by squishing their shoulderblades together?

Only boys would try to make extra butts. Geez.

I know how the confusion went on so long. My kids will not say “butt” around me. They’ll say, “Hey Dad, check it out, we’re making extra butts,”  to Mike, but not to me. And I’m good with that. I’m the REASON for that. Those little babies can have ‘bottoms’ forever, and never say ‘butt’ and they usually honor that preference.

So later I take Seth-4yr over to my mom’s and we have lunch and I leave him for a nap with her and I tell her the story. And she’s equally taken aback by the entire concept. (ha. no pun intended… well, whatever.)

And so imagine my utter shock when later – at a nice Mexican restaurant – my mother says, “Seth-4yr and I discovered I have a new talent.”

And might I just add… my mother is kinda classy. That thing my sister and I do where we snort like pigs when we laugh and fall down and cry while laughing* and trip all the time just because? We didn’t get that from her. She’s reserved and has a certain grace I never will.

So you’ll understand that it took awhile to sink in that my mother was saying she can make an EXTRA BUTT on her BACK.

There was gasping and incoherent “Whaaa? Nuh UH! MOTHER!” when her meaning did sink in. And then I said, “Fine. I really want to be there when you tell my sister all about how you can do that. I do NOT want to miss that conversation.”

Seth-4yr’s bonus butt:

Ethan-10yr’s:

and somehow Caden-6yr forgot how to make an extra butt on his back, but it’s okay because he made a sharpei puppy instead.

Happy Mother’s Day, yall.

* that link explains a LOT and is suggested required reading for those who have not seen my sister and I snort like pigs and might one day and thus need to be prepared. For those that have witnessed it, my apologies, and there’s nothing you can read that will erase that sensory experience.

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