Monday, August 23rd 2010
OOoooOOOH Baby, Let My People Go

Mike just came into the bedroom where I am huddled under all the covers – as usual – and asked if I was doing homework.

“No, look. I’m reading Exodus and it is FREAKY STUFF.”  I pushed the laptop in his direction, with blueletterbible.com on Exodus 8:1-4

Then the LORD said to Moses, “Go to Pharaoh once again and tell him, `This is what the LORD says: Let my people go, so they can worship me.

If you refuse, then listen carefully to this: I will send vast hordes of frogs across your entire land from one border to the other.

{Y’ALL. THIS HAPPENED. VAST! HORDES! OF! FROGS! ACROSS OUR ENTIRE LAND, FROM ONE BORDER TO. THE. OTHER. OH. DEAR. GOD.}

The Nile River will swarm with them. They will come up out of the river and into your houses, even into your bedrooms and onto your beds! Every home in Egypt will be filled with them. They will fill even your ovens and your kneading bowls.

{THE FROGS WERE IN THE KITCHEN LAST WEEK. I DON’T HAVE KNEADING BOWLS. WELL. I MIGHT. I WOULDN’T RECOGNIZE ONE IF I SAW IT THOUGH.}

You and your people will be overwhelmed by frogs!’ “

{THAT’S ME! ME AND MY PEOPLE ARE TOTES OVERWHELMED BY FROGS!!! MIKE IS WORRIED WE ARE OVERLOADING THE TOAD POPULATION AT THE POND BY RELEASING THEM BY THE HUNDREDS THERE. THIS IS CRAZY-EXODUS STUFF HERE.}

Mike read all this while using a plastic toothpicky thing and looking at me like, “really? REALLY, Kels?”  He does that. And then, as is like constantly the case around me – brilliance struck.

“Mike! Caden-6yr KNOWS Pharoah!  Caden-6yr can end this frog plague just by going to school and saying real casually, ‘Hey Pharoah. Wanna sit next to each other at lunch? And hey, let my people go, huh?‘  Then the frog plague will stop!”

Mike still had that look on his face – that “really? we’re having this conversation…?” look that he has totally passed on in perfection to Caden-6yr who uses it on me all the time.  ”Yeah. I know.”

(Note: The man knew EXACTLY what I was talking about, this one particular time. He knew Caden-6yr is on speaking terms with Pharoah.)

At this point, I’m crying and laughing and covering my face so I don’t spit because of all the times I held it in when Caden-6yr talked about Pharoah and I had to keep a straight face and I couldn’t laugh like that THEN, but here it was just Mike and I and his plastic toothpick and I could and it was SO FUNNY I just couldn’t stand it.

The kids go to a Christian school and there are a LOT of lovely names that have biblical origins.

“Pharoah” is not one of them.

The child’s name is Farrah, and she’s darling. And she does not deserve for some adorable blue-eyed, blond headed kid to keep calling her Pharoah – at a Christian school – but he isn’t being mean, or funny. He just talks weird. Like all my kids.

Mike rolled his eyes at me and walked out, still doing the plastic toothpick thing.

Well.

I thought it was funny.

I will not be laughing if we get to the Gnat Plague. I read ahead, and watch out because that particular nastiness is up next.

I’ll go to first grade dressed as Moses and talk to Pharoah myself if the gnats start swarming.

UPDATE: This morning, in the bathroom… there was a gnat. I took his picture with my phone, and  thought, ‘yeah, real funny, God,’ and then screamed for Mike. Mike came in, gave me That Look, killed it, and walked out probably real glad he’s leaving on a long trip today.

FULL DISCLOSURE: We normally do not have gnats. Ever. The one exception is if I water all the houseplants too much because my babies have all gone to school and the cat is tired of me mothering him and has gone to hide in a closet and I need something living to smother with my maternal attention. Then, sometimes, we get gnats. This is probably the case.

~hm

8 Comments on “OOoooOOOH Baby, Let My People Go”

1
Russ
August 23rd, 2010
10:41 pm

I love this blog. Its just so … Real. And open and honest.
Thank you so much for inviting us into your head. And for then making the visit so amazingly worthwhile! :)

2
Michele
August 24th, 2010
10:21 am

Hilarious! I could use some frogs here. Maybe you should crate them up and ship them out to people who have no frogs. But then PETA would probably have something to say about the careless handling of frogs in the mail.

3
LaLa
August 24th, 2010
10:26 pm

1 – Don’t get rid of all the frogs. If the gnats are about to swarm, having a couple dozen hungry frogs could come in handy.

2 – You could do that whole song and dance from our church camp days, the one to the tune of “Louie, Louie” where you have to sing “Pharoah, Pharoah, UGH, Ooo Baby, Let me people go!” and dance around like an extra from Laugh In. In fact, I really think you need to do this.

4
LaLa
August 24th, 2010
10:27 pm

PS – You have kneading bowls. Those are the big round things we make the cookie dough in.

5
Kelsey
August 24th, 2010
10:51 pm

LaLa it is IMPOSSIBLE to get rid of all the frogs. I WISH.

Yeah, I was thinking of that song.

And I do not make cookies. I haaaate making cookies. I stand around and watch you make cookies and help only if I have to. the endless batches, the wait let it cool crap, then take them off, then put more on then back in the oven and on and on and on and on. so tedious. if left on my own, i have the patience for one batch and then i just spread the dough all over one big cookie sheet, cook it like that and then slaughter it into cookie sized shards with a spatula when it comes out. it looks ugly, but it tastes the same (if not a bit raw) and i just cannot be bothered.

it is a bit unnerving though to be presented with an ugly shard of a cookie. it doesn’t exactly say ‘baked with love’ or anything. which is fine – it was NOT baked with love and so the raw shard presentation is quite truthful. it was baked with a lot of ‘hello? why did I start this project? I HATE baking cookies’ sentiments.

but thanks. i now know the bowls of which you speak. shiny. big. got it.

6
LaLa
August 25th, 2010
9:26 pm

By “big round things we make the cookie dough in” I meant “big round things I make the cookie dough in while you watch.” I knew you approached cookie-making in a shard sort of way. :)

7
Kelsey
August 26th, 2010
12:09 pm

oh. good. you were just being diplomatic the first time. now i get it. (that was nice)

8
Stacey
August 26th, 2010
3:02 pm

I think I’m going to need to read on to catch up on the rest of the frog saga…

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