Wednesday, December 15th 2010
Seth-5yr: No, This Really Does NOT Add Up…

Seth-5yr is not big on people ‘yaffing’ at him. Which is difficult, because he is hilarious and I often find myself laughing at him. If I think it’ll bother him, I try not to let him see me do it. Sometimes this is VERY difficult.

The other day, he asked me to snap his jeans for him. I knelt down in front of him and talked to him, and snapped his jeans. He reached out with both hands and grabbed my chest. One hand per boob. It was like, BAM, and there’s second base. Startling.

“What are these, anyway?” he asked.

I do like a direct conversation. Really, I do. But… still.

I was surprised. That is the only explanation I can give for my answer, which is SO NOT THE RIGHT ANSWER, you don’t EVEN have to tell me how ridiculous this is. But I said it, and there ya go.  ”Well, you used to call them ‘breakfast, lunch, and dinner.’”

He let go, and I was glad, because he had quite a grip. Also?  Seriously awkward. Seth-5yr put his little hands on his little hips. He looked very disappointed.

At this point, I should tell you two things, or else this won’t make sense. And it has to make sense, because it’s too funny not to tell you about.

First thing:  I am an un-curvy size 0.

and

Second thing: Seth-5yr LIKES food. He would prefer to be surrounded at all times by Vegas style buffets. He needs to know what foods will be served, when, and if the quantities will be uh, large enough for his preferences. He has a big appetite. Always.

So he stands before me, staring at the seemingly inadequate body parts he has just unhanded,  and he looks visibly distressed. Disappointed. Confused. Nothing about my appearance is very reassuring that  if I were his food source, he should have even survived to his current age of 5.

I’m trying SO hard not to laugh at him. There were never any food shortages of any kind for him or for his brothers. But it’s so Seth-5yr to be standing here, so obviously concerned over just this sort of issue.

I wait.

If I open my mouth and say anything I’ll crack up and then he’ll be upset, so I just wait for him to express his frustration with this new information.

He asks, “Breakfast, yunch, AND dinner?”  Hands on hips. Eyes very skeptical.

I nod. Then say, “Yes,” because he isn’t looking at my face and he might miss that nod.

“But… Mommy.”

“Hmmm?”

“There are only TWO. If it was breakfast, yunch, AND dinner, didn’t you need one more of those?”

Okay, that is not the EXACT criticism I had sensed coming my way.  I had a coughing fit to disguise the fact that I was TOTALLY laughing at him.  ”Um… you had leftovers. It was cool. It was the one time you didn’t mind my cooking.”

“Okaaaaaay.”  He took one last doubtful glance at me and then ran off.

I shut the bathroom door, locked it, sprawled self on the floor, and yaffed until I cried.

~hm

3 Comments on “Seth-5yr: No, This Really Does NOT Add Up…”

1
Sarah
December 16th, 2010
9:04 am

Hadn’t even finished the second paragraph and was already laughing.

So good.

It’s so hard to keep a straight face in the middle of stuff like that. Way to go you for keepin’ it together.
Sarah recently posted..No Towel- Need Sleepy

2
LaLa
December 17th, 2010
11:04 am

For a hilarious kid he can be very solemn. And logical.

3
Emily
December 17th, 2010
5:32 pm

Oh good gravy, that is funny.

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