Tuesday, December 14th 2010
The End of the Pine Mouth Thingy + Easy Confusion

I know you’ve been just too polite to ask, but yeah the pine mouth thing is gone. It took 10 days. Just for future reference of piney googlers. It gradually wore off until it finally disappeared and that’s good because I was tired of tasting bad. Bleah. On night two or three Mike tried to kiss me, and it was  like, “Really? You want some of this? Seriously…?” He had a quick change of heart.

On night 6 or 7, I was on the phone with a relative who may not want to be named. Hard to know. But she was graphically telling me BY FAR the most disgusting, revolting play by play story about vomit that I have ever heard. Or lived through. And that is saying a LOT. This story was high on the drama, the details, and the nasty factor was clear off the charts, y’all. It lasted all of 10 minutes, because this gal can really tell a story. And I ate a salad for every single one of those 10minutes and didn’t think of pine mouth ONCE.

I was too busy thinking about the vomit.

But still.

It had its upside, and that cannot be denied.

I cannot figure out the upside to the following, though:

If ever you want to confuse me, I have figured out EXACTLY how to do it. And because I might not be good on forethought, I shall tell you. Actually, that might be the entire problem. Hmm.

Ask me any multiple choice question at all, but include the phrase ‘except which one of the following.’

These words confuse me more than they should. I know their meaning. I think I’ve sorted through exactly what the question is asking. And then I get it wrong. I mean, every single time. No matter how well I know the various forms of homicide and manslaughter and justifiable and excusable murder… you throw the words ‘except which of the following’ in there and it’s like I’ve accidentally walked down the candle aisle at Target. I HATE accidentally walking down the candle aisle at Target.  I accidentally turn down that aisle and lose all sense. Do I keep going forward, and RUN to the other end? Quick, THINK, KELS, THINK, hold your breath. No, turn around, no not NOW, now you’re halfway… so that’s not any good… just GO….It’s sensory overload, it’s overpowering, and the nasty mix of fruity/spicy makes my brain just stop working. THAT is what it is like.

Note: If you are thoroughly overwhelmed and reduced to panic at the thought of accidentally walking down the candle aisle at Target, you should probably not undertake anything which requires actual practical knowledge of the intricacies of homicide and manslaughter. Yuh huh, I know. No plans.


It occurred to me just now  - an hour and a half later after writing that –  that y’all might think the above was a bit contradictory of me. Posting the other day about how it bothers me about the boys’ saying stuff about killing each other and then me studying all the homicide stuff. But it isn’t. My kids pretending to shoot each other, video game style, freaks me right on out, but all the textbook stuff on homicide doesn’t at all. It would if my textbooks had pictures. But they don’t.  Right.

That was going to bother me.


1 Comment on “The End of the Pine Mouth Thingy + Easy Confusion”

December 17th, 2010
11:08 am

Of these 4 female relatives, all would have skimped on the details in telling the vomit story except which one of the following:
a) J-Mom
b) LaLa
c) HolyCousin
d) Stepmom

Leave a comment

CommentLuv badge