Friday, December 3rd 2010
The Pine Nut Incident

A year ago my sister sent me an article about rancid pine nuts. She’s really helpful like that. She knows I eat them. Pine nuts. Not rancid pine nuts. Usually.

This article described how you can eat pine nuts, and they might taste fine, but then maybe for days or WEEKS afterwards every time you eat or drink anything at all you’ll have a disgusting metallic nasty bitter aftertaste. And that, y’all,  is a symptom of having eaten some rancid pine nuts. Which seemed fine and not rancid at the time. But really they weren’t fine. At all.

Mike bought pine nuts at the store last week. He’s helpful like that. He knows I eat them.

Well. I used to eat them.

Now I don’t eat much of anything, and I spit a lot (which is real ladylike), and brush my teeth constantly, and wonder how it is that even water can taste bad.

Anyway.

Beware.

I am, gasp, not really very good at spitting. Men where I live are REAL good spitters. They open their pickup doors and just STHWACK and there’s a glob on the street in front of you and then you have to drive through it and picture it on your tires. Or swerve.

But when I try it, since the Pine Nut Incident,  it ends up all over my chin. I could never just STHWACK right onto pavement like that.

I’ve never really admired that ability in anyone before.

But this could be a long few weeks overcoming this rancid pine nut aftertaste, and by the end of it people behind me might be amazed at my ability to pop open my car door, lean out and STHWACK right on the pavement in such a neat and orderly way that I didn’t mess up my lipgloss.

They’ll have to drive through it, picturing what rancid pine nut spit looks like on their tires.

Or swerve. I won’t be offended.

*disclaimer:

it would be confusing if you’ve never met me…. since i tell you absolutely everything and all… so it MIGHT shock you to hear that i’m a way private person who won’t even put on lipstick in public. much to the amusement of my female relatives. there’s a lot of private spitting of pine nut nastiness going on here, so i actually would LOVE to be able to do it better – but I won’t ACTUALLY make anyone swerve with public pine nut spitting. (that’s what tumbleweeds are for.)

~hm

9 Comments on “The Pine Nut Incident”

1
Sarah
December 3rd, 2010
3:20 pm

Men CAN spit! I used to think my FIL and my husband were sooo talented that they could spit out the window at 60 mph without it flying back into their faces. (not that that’s happened to me, of course.)

And I’m trying to decide if I should give you a tutorial on how to spit because I had to ask my husband just how it was done.

STHWACKing is an art. Maybe not a fine art, but an art.

I’m thinking I’ll save the tutorial for another day. No need to thank me. :)

2
Kelsey
December 3rd, 2010
3:29 pm

Sarah, I love that you thought to ask your husband for a detailed tutorial on the art of spitting!

3
Linda
December 3rd, 2010
3:44 pm

I think it’s always nice to ask men for advice because it builds self- esteem and healthier relationships, even under the grossest of circumstances. I would trust a lady who can spit and drive a pick-up, with or without the lipgloss. That is hilarious, Kelsey… I think we’ll discuss it over dinner… ; )

4
Jennifer Sullivan
December 3rd, 2010
11:37 pm

Found this – http://www.ehow.com/how_5840184_rid-mouth-due-pine-nuts.html

Let me know if it works!

Getting Your Buds Back
1.1
Take activated charcoal tablets. Relatively cheap, these tablets can be purchased at your local supermarket or health store. Activated charcoal tablets act as a natural detoxification aide that can soothe complications, such as food poisoning, indigestion, heart burn and some cardiovascular disorders. Take the daily recommended dosage of 500 to 1040 milligrams as needed with one 8-oz. glass of water until the bitterness subsides. You may take this medicine up to four times daily.

2.2
Drink 8 oz. of aloe vera juice twice daily as needed. This plant-derived juice can be found at most health stores and is known for its gentle digestive cleansing, anti-bacterial properties, anti-fungal properties, vitamins and minerals. Since Pine mouth is a result of spoiled or tainted food, aloe vera’s health benefits may override the bacteria introduced into the body from consuming the nuts. Do not exceed the daily recommended dosage of aloe vera juice.

3.3
Stay hydrated. Although the flavor of water may be unpleasant, it is essential that you continue to hydrate your body. Drinking a minimum eight 8-oz. glasses of water daily will allow the body to function properly. This is particularly important if your eating habits have altered due to pine mouth. The body extracts a vast majority of its daily water supply from foods consumed.

5
Kelsey
December 4th, 2010
12:58 pm

Linda, yes. I would trust a lady who could spit and drive a truck also. There’s just something about that combination that says, “bring it on.”

Jennifer Sullivan, I have now acquired all of your suggestions, plus aloe vera in caplet form. Will keep updated, THANK YOU, this is SO GROSS.

6
LaLa
December 4th, 2010
9:32 pm

I am throwing away the pine nuts that are in my fridge. Right. Now.

7
Keli
December 4th, 2010
10:07 pm

My name is Keli and I am a spitter. I’ve never won any contests or anything or experimented with pine nuts (though after this post, I’m tempted), but I do spit and am pretty good at it. However, I can’t give you any references. I too only spit in private.

8
Kelsey
December 5th, 2010
5:19 pm

LaLa, I ‘d love to tell you that isn’t necessary. But I know you. And I know me. And it’s very safe to say that this is annoying, disgusting, and irritating to me – it would drive you completely, dramatically over the edge. You’re just so much more ‘attuned’ to food things that ‘pine mouth’ would be a VERY bad thing for our entire family if you were to ever come down with it. I’m glad you threw them out. For my sake. Selfish, I know.

Keli,
I read your blog and loved it and had the distinct impression that you could chew me up and spit ME out if you so wanted. I thoroughly believe that you are a good spitter, and particularly admire the privacy you attach to the act as well. Also, you seem to have mastered the art of being a pedestrian in a city. Also inspiring. This is not necessary where I live, and whenever I see people on foot I get very nervous for them and hope everybody in cars sees them and is kind. Linda was correct in saying she’d trust a woman who could spit, and you are exhibit A.

9
lily
July 11th, 2012
9:24 pm

It’s not from eating rancid pine nuts, it’s a reaction to certain “breed” of pine nuts, especially those from china, even if they aren’t rancid.

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