Thursday, December 2nd 2010
The Unanimous Protocol of the Guhl Blink

The boys have their own, odd culture. It includes language, pronunciations, values, customs, and disgustingness that is unique to these three brothers.  They can lapse into a conversation that only the three of them would understand, and any onlookers are baffled at how none of them needs to stop and explain or clarify to another brother.

Today I was that onlooker. I often am. It’s a privilege. I hereby extend the privilege to you as well.

The boys got in the car after school and Seth-5yr announced that “a yot of people got tow-yees.”    [tallies, a form of disciplinary warning]

I asked if he had gotten a tally.

“Uh… I don’t know.”

“Yes, you would know. Why don’t you tell me why you might have gotten a tally.”

“Because Tyler was MESSING with me.”

I can totally relate. I’ve about had it with people messing with me, too, and I’m about due for a tally myself because I am fast running out of patience. Not that I said that to Seth-5yr. I’m just saying that to you.

What did he do?”

“He BYINKED at me.”

[byinked = blinked]

“Uh…? Seth-5yr? Tyler HAS TO blink. He’s a human and his eyeballs will dry out if he doesn’t. Don’t you think you could have ignored this?”

Ethan-10yr and Caden-6yr have been in the backseat, silent. They have matured past the age where they accidentally rat their own selves out about tallies, and want nothing to do with this conversation. Until now.

Caden-6yr says, “Well, no, Mom, he couldn’t have ignored it if it was a guhl blink.”

[guhl = girl]

Ethan-10yr, apparently needed no explanation of what this meant.  ”Right.”

I look in the rearview mirror and ask what a Girl Blink is.

Caden-6yr raises his eyebrows, rolls his eyes clear back into his head, and then flutters his lashes. It’s CREEPY. And I can see how such a thing could not be ignored. But, as a girl,  I do object to this being labeled a Guhl Blink. I’ve sure never seen any girls doing such things. Or boys. Until today. And today I saw it a yot. I mean, a lot.

Seth-5yr is seated directly in front of Caden-6yr and cannot see what his brother just demonstrated, but also is not in need of this visual aid anyway.

“Yeah! THAT is what he did to me!” And then Seth-5yr raises his brows, rolls his eyes clear back into his head, and then flutters his lashes.

“Okaaaaay. I still think you could have ignored this and stayed out of trouble.”

Caden-6yr seeks to clarify the finer points and protocol for me: “no, Mom. You CANNOT ignore it when a boy looks at you and does a Guhl Blink in a snotty way. You CAN ignore a guhl doing a guhl blink at you, but it canNOT be ignored if a boy does it. See? We’ll show you.”

And without ANY whispered preparation with Ethan-10yr, Ethan-10yr demonstrates a perfect Guhl Blink and Caden-6yr bugs his eyes out and pretends to try hard to look straight forward but his head is compelled – against his will, so it seems – in Ethan-10yr’s direction.

Then Ethan-10yr’s eyes, eyebrows, and lashes return to normal. Caden-6yr shrugs and says, “See? can’t be done. You canNOT ignore a boy doing a Guhl Blink if he’s doing it to be snotty to you.”

“Oh. Well. Okay.” This wasn’t much of a comeback, but I was kind of caught off guard. I drove on, silently thinking how great it must be to be one of three brothers.

Then Seth-5yr casually said, “I tooted a yot today.”

Caden-6yr sighed a deep sigh and said, “Yeah. Me too.”

A few miles down the road after no one had said anything at all, Ethan-10yr said, “I didn’t.”

Survey complete.

Boys are weird.


7 Comments on “The Unanimous Protocol of the Guhl Blink”

December 2nd, 2010
9:45 pm

Oh. Wow. They really are weird.

Although, remember The Face we used to make at each other? It was totally impossible to ignore The Face. You had to react. I know Mom used to try to reason with us on that one but she just did not get it. When your sister made The Face you had to do something about it. Maybe that’s – sort of, vaguely, distantly – like the Guhl Blink.

December 2nd, 2010
11:02 pm

I kinda wish I had kids closer together. My step-son is 17, my son is 11 and we often take care of my hubbies grandson who is 3. There is enough of an age difference between them so that they are totally annoyed by the younger one. So all I get is bickering ALL the time. It would be pretty awesome to have “collaboration and confirming” going on. Until fire or something like that is involved, then you keep them chained apart.

I, on the other hand, had an older sister by 3 years, my younger sister is 1 1/2 yrs younger and my little brother is 1 1/2 years younger than that. We did a lot of collaborating. uh, wait a minute . . . maybe bickering is ok.

December 2nd, 2010
11:03 pm

Today I was thinking I wanted more babies. You know, in case I could have a boy baby. Now, after reading this (and a few other boy posts of yours) I’m not so chure I want another kid. Unless I’m guaranteed a guhl.

‘Cuz yeah, boys are weird.

December 2nd, 2010
11:04 pm

oh, and I totally get the “guhl blink”. I would be annoyed too. (But I would more than likely be doing something equally annoying to instigate the whole thing anyway)

December 3rd, 2010
2:16 pm

LaLa! THE FACE! You’re so right. That Face was CREEPY, but it was really what it signified that was so bad. It was our own little “this is the face i make at you when I am SO mad and cannot STAND YOU and I want you to KNOW IT” message. Only we understood the seriousness of that Face and that particular message. It’s not like we did it every day. Or every week. That Face meant SERIOUS sister angst. (in case anyone is reading this and wants to know, you stick your bottom teeth OUT as far as you can – i can’t do it anymore, it hurts, and then squint your eyes. Mean, no? gives me chills just to think about LaLa doing that.)

Melissa, we get it all. the bickering and the collaborating. i didn’t even realize until later I never remembered to ASK what Seth-5yr did in retaliation for the snotty blinking. Really off my game.

Sarah, you’re right. you are a precious mom who needs more babies. (not me. glad to be done. But you GO with that whole gestation thing!)

December 4th, 2010
1:51 am

You said it! Boys are definitely weird! But they sure make life interesting. :-)

December 14th, 2010
2:07 pm

You need a Facebook “Like” button on your blog posts. I so wanted to ‘Like’ this one.
I totally looked around the page to see if there was one here. Much to my disappointment, no “Like.”

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