Wednesday, January 26th 2011
Coulda Been Shoes, Lip Gloss, Or Sex.

One of the classes I’m taking is Research Writing. Which is awful, because I hate when people tell you what to write, but it’s a requirement. However! We all got to choose our own topic for our research papers. If I’m not mistaken… we coulda chosen ANYTHING as long as we could find appropriate sources.

That’s so reasonable.

I could have picked to research the importance of the exact right lip gloss. Or why shoes are intricately related to happiness levels in some, ahem, people. Or something about music, or God, or chocolate, or wakeboarding, or sex, or kickboxing, or mud, or parenting, or gardening, or fiction, or… anything that I happen to find interesting or fun or worthwhile. THAT would have been good.

Instead I picked something else. Actually, I don’t even recall what transpired that made me submit the dumb idea I ended up with. But i do know that it was not preceded by my saying, “Kels… what is interesting/worthwhile/fun that you would like to write about?” That little conversation with self did NOT happen. Because I picked something that is none of that and THEN SOME.

I don’t actually remember choosing this topic, but I MIGHTA accidentally asked myself, “Kels… what is the topic you’d least like to spend more of your brain cells pondering? Now let’s submit THAT idea.”

This was weeks ago. Whenever someone asks me about this assignment I snip and say, “I DON’T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT.” I wouldn’t even tell people my stupid topic. Partly because of denial, and partly because I had no idea how to explain how I got there, which would inevitably be asked.

The other night I was talking to LaLa. And the subject came up. And I told her that I coulda picked lip gloss and shoes, but somehow… SOMEHOW I had suggested that I’d write a research paper on the combined role of lead poisoning and socio-agrarian issues in the decline and fall of the Roman Empire.

There was silence on the other end of the phone.

(That really doesn’t happen with LaLa all that often.)

And then LaLa said, “Um… I can’t even speak right now.” More silence. And then, “Uh…. WHAT?”

Exactly. I have NO interest in the Roman Empire (it’s all historical, and I don’t want to whine but  we all know how I really feel about that), NO interest in how it ‘fell’ and what the heck does that even MEAN, and lead poisoning? Whatever. I was a kid in the 70s and my room was painted with lead based paint and i’m pretty much fine and I have no strong feelings about any of this, much less any interest. i have ZERO interest in this topic. Socio-Agrarian…? Do I even know what that phrase MEANS? WHAT was  I THINKING?

It coulda been lip gloss. My current favorite is NARS superorgasm. And shut UP, if you don’t think I could write 3000 words on that alone and how it is different in a pretty pinkish way from the original NARS orgasm color, but does that really justify the ‘super’ prefix….? I could so write about that. Easily. And with, uh, great joy, really.

Writing something like that would be, hmm, a pleasure. But nuh-no. I am up to my eyeballs in a book written in 1737 right now trying to pull appropriate quotes from a pagan sympathizer about lead pipes and ceramic glaze.

My eyes are glazing over with boredom.

Rough draft is due on Friday. Mine is in-process. It is decidedly less than pleasant, but I’m trying not to complain.

(Ooooh, I just re-read. Sorry, y’all.  I’d say I failed as this was definitely a complaint.)


12 Comments on “Coulda Been Shoes, Lip Gloss, Or Sex.”

January 26th, 2011
4:17 pm

After you finish this paper… (and I know you will not only finish, but make it sound interesting too)…can you write about the lip stick? Cause I also use NARS orgasm, and if super is better, I want to know why. :)

Jennifer Sullivan
January 26th, 2011
4:57 pm

I am so sorry you accidentally picked this topic. I know you will do well. You will be the only person I know who can explain the combined role of lead poisoning and socio-agrarian issues in the decline and fall of the Roman Empire though. Also, your title will be able to take away from some of the 3000 words you have to write, so just refer to your title, a lot.

Good luck!
Jennifer Sullivan recently posted..Miranda has been replaced by a 3 year old

January 26th, 2011
6:49 pm

Too bad women’s fashion wasn’t involved in the decline of the Roman Empire. Now that could be interesting. Did they use lead in whatever may have passed for makeup back then? Or maybe the agrarian women dressed up to impress the farmer guys in the fields? Okay, so I’m really not much help. :) Hope it goes well for you. I’m sure you’ll write a great paper!
Geekwif recently posted..Oh My

January 26th, 2011
6:59 pm

Yes! I can do that. In the meantime, don’t rush out and get it, I suspect the original peach-y one would look prettier with your gorgeous skin tone.
Thank you!! I KNOW. With the wordy title. Will keep your suggestion in mind!
I don’t know about the women, but Antoninus liked to wear a tiara, mascara, and makeup… no idea if it was lead based. He had a thing for the Sun God… I bet he even would take care of excess body hair. Thanks, I’m not so sure it’ll be great but right now my goal is simply ‘ get it done.’
Kelsey recently posted..Hairy Guy Legs

January 26th, 2011
9:22 pm

Kels, I had a similar experience during grad school. It turned out to be *the* most boring paper I ever wrote, but since the purpose was to prove I actually knew how to do research, I got an A. I bet you will too, if only because of your scholarly-sounding title!
Jan recently posted..Sew Whats New

January 26th, 2011
9:49 pm

I still think you were temporarily possessed by an ambitious nerdy college sophomore and that really, your best bet right now would be to invite that sophomore to come on back and finish up what she started. :) Actually you’ll be fine. You’ll be bored, but you’ll be fine.

January 27th, 2011
4:13 pm

I’d love to know your boring paper title!
I am bored to pieces. But sitting in front of a roaring fireplace (even though it’s 64 degrees outside) and typing away. I’m almost there. Too bad no one gallantly offered to do this for me. That would have been so nice!

January 28th, 2011
5:15 pm

Here goes: Dichotomies Between Self Image and Societal Expectations Among Female Characters in British Novels of the 18th and 19th Century.

I told you it was boring.
Jan recently posted..Sew Whats New

January 28th, 2011
5:36 pm

Brilliant, I’m sure!

January 29th, 2011
11:07 pm

This is GREAT! Ya just never know what you’re gonna learn when you click into somebody else’s world.

Any chance your instructor will know more about this topic than you before he read’s your paper? I didn’t think so. Good call.

I may, however, be switching back to a NARS lipgloss because my current favorite (Hard Candy “envy” at Walmart) is being discontinued, because some person in charge doesn’t know what’s good.

Maybe I should make that MY research paper and buy everything that’s left. Good luck on the paper!! It will rock, I’m sure!
Linda recently posted..Two hookers on the radio seeking Jesus

January 30th, 2011
5:29 pm

Oh gosh I hope the instructor has not brushed up on lead poisoning in the Roman Empire…! Yeah, not likely. Sweet!
Walmart lipgloss? I knew there was a reason I should be going there, but I don’t. And it’s called Hard Candy envy…. hmm. Anytime my fave gets discontinued, I stock up on eBay. Might be worth a try.


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