I’m supposed to be studying. but i’m tired and history is so tiring with all those skirmishes and wars and yawn. must i really learn who was in power and why and for how long and then what happened and THEN who was in power and why and for how long and THEN what happened and etc…?

because it kinda sounds like my life, and not the good parts. the “he did this to ME, mom, and so then I got mad and did this to HIM, mom, and now i just don’t feel like sharing my toys and that is why i am now standing in his bathroom and will not leave even though he is doing the twinkle dance and has to go real bad…”

territory. control. ego. toys. whining. revenge. isn’t it all the same?

over coffee the other day at Starbuck’s,  I asked Ethan-10yr if he had any theories on the fall of the Roman Empire. “Sure. Balance of power just shifted, Mom.”

I need to learn to bs like this kid.

Does he know what he’s talking about? No. I asked more questions to be sure. Becuase usually he does. But not this time. He just managed to come up with the right sentence and the right, “duh” tone of voice to carry it off and make it sound good.

I’d like to submit this for all future history assignments. “Balance of power just shifted. Okay? And let’s just forget all the little fiddly details and just leave it at that. That whole balance of power crap? Yo. It shifted.”

The other night I was sitting in bed, laptop open, supposed to be studying (again) and probably not. Ethan-10yr comes in wearing a chenille blanket draped like a toga. (Why? Because he’s Ethan-10yr.)

I said, “Nice. Very Grecian.”

He sputtered. Indignation was palpable. The NERVE of my even saying that.

“Mom. I was going for the Roman Senate look.”

My mouth fell open. And then I apologized.

He left the room in disgust.

I wondered why I had apologized, but the whole scathing, ‘duh, you moron’ vibe will get me every time, regardless of its source.

When Ethan-10yr was a baby/toddler, I knew he was something else. And not really in a good way. More like a “Holy Crap, I Wanted a BABY. AND THIS IS WHAT YOU GAVE ME, God, He is NOT A NORMAL BABY” sort of way. I’ve never thought that about the other brothers, and I adore them for that.

Ethan-10yr was like a curious, genius explosion waiting to go off.  And when he did, it was like watching a cartoon of the tasmanian devil.

It’s not that he was intentionally destructive. It’s that his energy and thirst for knowledge of all forms manifested itself in his physically devouring his environment while he rapidly learned all he could from it. He wasn’t bratty or awful or ill-behaved — it’s that his way of interacting with the world around him consisted of long, frantic, energetic missions for conquering everything around him by learning about it by whatever means possible. In public, I carried him firmly on one hip until he was over the age of 3. No other method was safe for containing this little powerhouse. Holding his hand was laughably insufficient. He was a force. I had taught kids his age before, and so was perfectly qualified to say that having one Ethan was like having FOUR kids his age, as far as needed energy and supervision required. I thought I’d never make it.

He was BORN a know-it-all.

He started speaking in full, imperative sentences at 9 months so that he could correct everything I was doing wrong in my parenting. Before that, he glared at me and screamed in frustration and then made notes in his crib at night on language so that he could start talking at his earliest possible convenience. It was a good use of his time since he didn’t bother sleeping.

When I gave him to someone else to care for at church or somewhere for an hour or so i always felt bad. They thought they were getting a normal child. But I knew as soon as I walked away, the Ethan-ish bomb-like quality would go off and there was NO way this individual was prepared for whatever he would do in his endless quest for learning.

Now, at 10, he’s exactly the same way. The only difference is that it manifests itself in perfectly appropriate and even admirable, socially acceptable ways. This is more than I ever hoped for. He reads, he conducts experiments, he memorizes everything instantly, he researches more than everything, he interviews everyone and weighs in on any topic at any time, and usually in a condescending tone of voice I’m trying to discourage.

For the most part, he’s now a socially functional know-it-all.

Who wears blankets like togas, but still. Big improvement from his tasmanian devil days.

I can handle this kid without feeling like he’s outnumbering me, and I usually really enjoy him. Looking at him now, and remembering him at age 3… i think that balance of power stuff might just have shifted. For now. So I think I’ll appreciate it, since apparently these things do not last.

I just wish I could ethically get him to do my history homework.

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