Saturday, January 1st 2011
Forget Resolutions, Here’s a Moral Failure Confession

I don’t do resolutions anyway.  They irritate me. I don’t eat black eyed peas either. They also irritate me. (But mainly, they just taste bad.)

I’m full out, 100% losing a moral battle and this, hereby, is my confession.

Clarification: I’m not claiming that I will confess it, and then feel publicly convicted, and then change anything. Although I should. Because I am WRONG.

Don’t let me drag you down into sin with me. If you are feeling weak and corruptible, just stop reading rightthissecond. I mean it. If you keep reading, you risk having to decide if you are going to jump onto this sin submarine with me and sink also, or if you will be strong enough to resist. I take on no responsibility for your choice.

Okay. Then. Here we go. Confession Time.

I have an unethical, financial relationship with victorias secret . com. This relationship is built on lies. Lies I do not want to correct.

It’s not that I overspend on my AngelCard. (I don’t have one.)

It’s that they send me $10 gift vouchers for my birthday.

Every.

Single.

Month.

Victoria’s Secret People must think I’m 93 by now.

(and!  i! don’t! care!)

The correct thing to do would be to politely inform them that I only have one birthday a year, like other humans. Or at the very least, STOP CASHING IN EVERY MONTH.

The other day I was telling my mother about this, and I pulled down my shirt and flashed a really pretty left cup at her and said, “This is for my December birthday,” and since she gave birth to me – in September – a long time ago, she was all over that little misstatement. Nothing gets by her. But she pointed out that maybe it’s a marketing thing. That they know FULL WELL what they’re doing and know that if they send me $10, then I will go spend $50 or more that I wouldn’t have otherwise.

Except.

I’m not like that.

I am sooooo not like that. That doesn’t even sound fun to me. If that is their plan, then oh ladies, has that ever backfired.

I am the type to find something gorgeous in their clearance section, then find THREE coupon codes at retailmenot.com (including free shipping) and have my gorgeous originally $50ish ‘gift’ sent to me,  for easily just a few dollars.

I think they’re losing money on me.

I’m no angel.

This is very, very bad.

You should see my lingerie drawer, though. Gorgeous! (I am shameless!)

I have to go now, though. It’s my January birthday and I look REAL GOOD for 94, happy birthday to me….

**************************

If you aren’t sick of me yet, there’s an accidental post in the previous comment section

Also. If you add your email address to vs.com in the hopes of getting an extra 11 birthdays this year, do NOT tell me, please!

~hm

6 Comments on “Forget Resolutions, Here’s a Moral Failure Confession”

1
Geekwif
January 2nd, 2011
8:14 am

My first thought was the same as your mom’s – that it was a marketing ploy – and if so, I’d say no worries. If they’re using the same tactic on thousands of people, then it probably averages out to work well for them.

Also, never heard of retailmenot.com before now, went to check it out. Very dangerous. :)
Geekwif recently posted..Remember What I Said About Libraries

2
Betty
January 2nd, 2011
11:32 am

Um…jealous? That’s all I can say. Sure, as a God-lovin’ woman I should offer to pray with you, send you verses and such about character and inner beauty…but nope.
I’m just jealous. And wondering how in the world to ride that Angel train.
Although, all of my pretty things from my bridal shower are still hanging quite undisturbed in the closet. I am the gal who will slip on sexy underthings in the morning, be sure my husband sees them, then once he leaves the room, yank them off and pull out the granny panties.
This way, he thinks of me as a sexy mama all day and I am not wondering if I will need surgical treatments to help me out of the tangled web of lace and satin.
Too much information? Oops.
Betty recently posted..This Is What Happens

3
Jennifer Sullivan
January 2nd, 2011
3:49 pm

I think, in an effort to help you find out if this really is a marketing ploy that I should join too and see what happens. It really is the best answer to your problem. I am all for helping ya know.
Jennifer Sullivan recently posted..How to lost 15 pounds in fourteen days!

4
HolyMama!
January 2nd, 2011
7:27 pm

Geekwif, yeeees, retailmenot is dangerous. if you get a ‘user submissions blocked’ message, just google ‘coupon code’ for whatever site you are interested in, but do it under the ‘blog’ section of google, not the main area.
Betty, this sounds VERY thoughtful of you, to have a lingerie double life. Although… ‘tangled web of lace and satin…?’ you buy things that are far more elaborate than i do.
Jennifer, your husband could thank me with a leafblower like yours…. i’ve always wanted one, too! (but no, i don’t need one because we don’t actually have leaves. small trees. few leaves. strong wind. no need.)
HolyMama! recently posted..Forget Resolutions- Here’s a Moral Failure Confession

5
J-mom
January 6th, 2011
9:50 am

If VS thinks you are 93 by now, I wonder how old they think I am. Love, from your ancient J-mom

6
Holy Mama! » Couple of Yadee Things
February 7th, 2011
11:13 pm

[...] soon as you tell the internet that you have an unholy, unethical financial agreement with Victoria’s Secret that you really don’t want to end… it stops. Victoria forgot my secret January birthday [...]

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