Friday, February 25th 2011
From The Depths…

I’m cleaning out my closet, and have made the following discoveries:

* Ponchos from when LaLa and our mom and I went to see Willie Nelson last summer. (Ow, it still hurts to think about.)

* When I was a size 6, I bought a LOT of gorgeous, colorful dresses.

* Stocking stuffers I bought two years ago that, obviously, never stuffed anyone’s stocking. Nothing exciting, though, so no guilt there. (What? Your mama deprived you of a fold-up purple hairbrush with penguins?)

* It’s time to stop buying sweaters. I do that – buy sweaters – when I’m cold. I’m always cold. Imagine the sweater collection. No, don’t. It’s not like it even helps, since it’s almost always on online purchase.

*It’s time to stop buying black dresses. And charcoal gray dresses. Unlike the cute colorful dresses that don’t fit, these are what I wear when I go somewhere where I don’t want to be noticed or talked to.  Apparently my size 6 self was more social. There’s not a black or gray one in the group.

*Oh! SHUT UP! I just remembered. I was happily on antidepressants then. No wonder I wore pink.

* I loved my prozac days. Really. Yum…. let’s just be wistful for a moment.

* No, I’m not depressed, but that one line is probably inspiring my mom to gently broach the subject anyway. (I’m fine, Mom. All’s well. Thanks anyway and I love you.)

* Superman scrapbooking stickers. I think my pink clad, size 6, contentedly medicated self pretended to scrapbook so that I could go into the bedroom and lock the door and make a mess with paper and glue in such a way that was CLEARLY not baby/toddler friendly and really it was more about alone time than bits of paper or Superman stickers.  Why didn’t I just say I wanted to be alone, Superman? I have no idea.

* stacks of pages and partial manuscripts with plots and characters I’d long since forgotten writing.  Lemme tell you, after a brief scan there is a very good reason some of those were never finished and forgotten in a closet for years.

* a book about the changes of adolescence I’d bought years ago and forgotten to give Ethan-10yr.  He’s home sick, and was horrified when I presented it to him and gave a little mom spiel and ended with the obligatory, cheerful, “Any questions at all, you come ask me, please!”   Every once in awhile I give him these talks and books, and in return he always gives me the same terrified look that says, “please go away and shhhh.”  A couple years ago,  I broke the No Nag rule for this subject and made Mike do it once and the results of his effort still crack me up.  (if you click and read that, you  might wonder if I ever asked Mike to do it again. And the answer is no.)

* a card from LaLa that references our shared Snort Like Pigs laugh. (We only do this together, and it’s completely involuntary. Like hiccups. Sometimes there are those, too.)

* tiny baby things I couldn’t, and still can’t, bear to part with.

* ugly swimwear.  What was I thinking?

* cardigans in every color, size, and print. This group  is separate from the Bought When I Was Cold Sweater Hoarding Collection.

* Too many shoes. (But y’all already knew that. )

* A detailed picture of a saddle that Kim-16yr drew for me years ago, in her horse phase.

* a darling bra with all the tags still attached in a size that would be really nice but will never happen again. Sigh.

* a note to myself that said, “there isn’t enough conflict. boring. add tension.” (I hope that was about something I’d written.)

* Two balloons I’d stuffed in the way back of my closet, when Caden-7yr and Seth-5yr were fighting over them a few months ago. They were still there, inflated and misshapen but still rather large. When I took them to the bathroom to pop them and throw them away, I stabbed at them with scissors. There wasn’t a loud pop, but a super slow whoosh of air right in my face and a slow deflation. I wondered whose stale, months-old breath that was, that had just whooshed all over me. I have no idea. Gross.

* Everything John Eldredge ever wrote.

* $23.  I’ve always left money in purses and bags so that when I have the unfortunately boring task of cleaning a closet or drawer, I will have a nice surprise. I’ve always done this. My mother once told me it was Voluntary Alzheimer’s. I like that, but I prefer to think of it as Rewarding Future Good Behavior.

I’m only halfway through. The Endless Cardie Collection must be folded and relocated to a newly vacated space. The shoes must be corralled. More discoveries, and funds, must be found.

~hm

14 Comments on “From The Depths…”

1
melissa
February 25th, 2011
5:32 pm

I just did the same thing Saturday, but trust me, there were no size six to be found. That was EONS ago. Like BC, before children. I am almost down to a 10, so I didn’t throw those out. More shoes than I care to admit, even though I wear the same ones over and over again. No cute bra’s. I need your Victoria Secret “secret” to getting coupons. I know they stopped, still. Could use a few. I did throw out some nasty blouses. Definitely a “what were you thinking moment?’

2
Kelsey
February 25th, 2011
6:31 pm

Melissa,
http://www.retailmenot.com is my other secret. you can use up to 3 codes you find there!

3
J-mom
February 25th, 2011
9:18 pm

Voluntary Alzheimer’s – really? I don’t remember saying that. Hmmmm.

4
Jennifer Sullivan
February 25th, 2011
9:49 pm

Prozac = yum? Too funny!
However in my book cardigans = yum!
I LOVE findng money when cleaning out purses and or pockets, its like free money… ya know?
Jennifer Sullivan recently posted..A couple things I learned today…

5
Jan
February 26th, 2011
12:08 pm

I have finally come to accept that Prozac is going to be a permanent part of my life. Endogenous recurring depression–It’s a b***ch. I kept trying to convince myself that I was “cured”, but obviously not; whenever I went off my meds I fell back down that bottomless black hole.
Jan recently posted..Sew Whats New

6
Kelsey
February 26th, 2011
2:40 pm

J-Mom,
HA! Yes. Of course you did.

JS,
Exactly!

Jan,
I was hoping for the permanent part of MY life too. It just didn’t work out. The bottomless black hole thing sucks, and I am glad you are not there — by whatever means at all I am so, so glad.

7
emily
February 26th, 2011
5:04 pm

Love this – I have a similar (and somehow opposite) problem with sweaters. I buy them & receive them with gifts because I love them and think I will wear them. HOWEVER I get too hot & always want to take them off. So I only buy/ask for cardigans now. So I can take them off without that awkward possibility of flashing bystanders.
emily recently posted..Another update

8
Kelsey
February 26th, 2011
7:36 pm

Emily,

you are so considerate! Even though it’s hot here in the summer, I’m usually in sweaters year-round, even if it’s just the cardies. I never EVER get too hot. Since you’re a cardie fan, I don’t mind telling you that my favorite is boden. i counted 5 of them yesterday in my closet! crew neck, big buttons, ribbon trim, different colors/prints. FIVE. i think that’s too many.

9
LaLa
February 26th, 2011
10:32 pm

a) Just did the big closet clean out myself. I really didn’t want to but it needed to be done and once I was done, I felt so much better. Freaked out the cats who thought I was packing for a long trip away, but other than that, good. b) Feel free to part with that unfortunately hideous cardigan I knitted you. The intent was pure, but the results were… um, not good. So let’s just savor the niceness and let the actual result go its multicolored way. To somewhere else. Seriously.

10
Michele
February 26th, 2011
11:10 pm

That sounded pleasant and inspiring somehow. I don’t remember cleaning any of my closets feeling that way. They’re always soooo cluttered, dark and hopeless that I put it off indefinitely and then am forced to do it when moving. And by then, it’s just nasty.

Don’t give up on the size sixes. Thanks for another interesting read!
Michele recently posted..Who Your Friends Are

11
Linda
February 27th, 2011
8:18 am

The detailed picture of a saddle and everything by John Eldridge… I like that… hope those are keepers.

Size 6 dresses in pretty colors are like a slap in the face to aging gracefully. I still can’t part with mine, although they are nothing more than souveniers.

I’m really into your theory about prescription mood drugs and fashion. I think there is something to this, and before Marie Claire and Allure figure out, maybe you’d want to write something? Just sayin’…

12
.endtransmission.
February 28th, 2011
6:23 am

Is your closet the size of a Target store? That’s a lot of stuff in one closet!
.endtransmission. recently posted..Mother Nature Has Gone Rogue

13
Kelsey
February 28th, 2011
1:20 pm

LaLa,
anything you’ve ever made is kept and loved forever, so just don’t even go there.

Linda,
GREAT idea! Hmm.

.end.,
it’s not that big… but it does resemble a Target for completely authentic reasons.

ALL OF YOU –
Y’all are wonderful! Not one of you said to get rid of the stuff that doesn’t fit anymore?! What a gorgeously impractical bunch you are! (I didn’t. I kept.)

14
Rib Rub
November 13th, 2014
9:27 pm

Lee was disappointed the name is not Lee’s BBQ Rub but the corporate majority vote was in favor of employing Dan’s moniker! What truly got them excited was the reaction from the more than 4,000 who tasted the rub on chicken, ribs, brisket, tri-tip, frog legs and corn on the cob at the 2011 Houston Livestock & Rodeo Cook-off!”

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