Wednesday, February 16th 2011
It’s a Blog, Therefore, I Don’t HAVE to Make Sense If I Don’t Wanna. (Or If Incapable)

If you’re about to eat dinner, skip this. It could be as disgusting as the Sick Dog post, depending entirely on your views of meat.

Over the last few years, I’ve tried to renew my carnivorous ways without much success. Okay, without ANY success. But. I might be getting there. Finally. Sorta.

I’ve been keeping my modest sucess quiet because the last time I tried to reacquaint with Meatland it was a horrific disaster. Horrific Disaster: decide that meat is the way to go, and then get a beef nacho salad from a Taco Bueno drive thru because in high school, there were good memories of those with your sister. Stomach cramps for days, since the stomach did not get the full benefit of how that was supposed to be sentimental. And? GROSS.

So now… about once a week I try fish. And if I don’t actually think about how I’m eating the muscles of dead aquatic animals, I can sometimes ingest a few ounces. No shellfish – I was always allergic to that. And all bets are off if there is any visible fishy SKIN ohmygoshgag, or worse, a bone.  Bones say, “oh, hello there! Nice to meet you. I am a friendly token representative of the skeleton from the dead animal corpse thingy  on your plate.” 

And then I stop eating.  

Sushi should be… worse, right? But it isn’t. For some reason. It’s hard to get good sushi in West Texas, y’all. REAL difficult. But today I had sashimi tuna and salmon and as long as Mike kept talking businessy stuff and I wasn’t thinking about the Alive and Swimming Origin of the Food too much, it was good. Doable. Edible.

This could work.

Cows and chickens pose another interesting mental roadblock. I may never get past it. You know what it is…? And, lemme just say,  I know this doesn’t make any sense. It’s that they walk around and get dirtier than you’d picture fish getting. RIGHT?! And also? They make noises. They moo and cluck, and for some reason that matters.

I do not mind at all the idea of humans eating meat. That’s what it’s there for, go for it, I’m not THAT kind of vegetarian. (If I’m one at all, after lunch today.)  The imagined dirt on the animal feet and and the sound effects get me.

The last time you were hanging out with a toddler and saying, “what does a cow say?” and “what does a chicken say?” I am betting you never said, “what does a fish say?”

Riiight?

Right.

I don’t know why that matters. But it does.

~hm

14 Comments on “It’s a Blog, Therefore, I Don’t HAVE to Make Sense If I Don’t Wanna. (Or If Incapable)”

1
Geekwif
February 17th, 2011
5:25 am

I understand. I was a vegetarian for grossout reasons too. I read a pamphlet I shouldn’t have read. Eeww. I have no idea how I got over that.

Maybe part of it was that we go out for dinner once a week and you simply can not get anything vegetarian at any restaurant in the small town community where we live now. Unless I wanted to eat a side of fries every time we went out for dinner. I suppose that’s not a whole lot of help since you’re not likely to move from a city to a small town where all they eat is meat any time soon.
Geekwif recently posted..Redemption

2
Kelsey
February 17th, 2011
10:05 am

I always think of you in terms of ‘if Geekwif can go back… I can too…’ And I’ll get there. But I’m not in a city that is vegetarian friendly at all – I’m just shamelessly creative with ordering food in restaurants and don’t care at all if I have to explain a few times how to make a cheeseburger and leave off the meat. (is that REALLY so hard?) Unfortunately, Seth-5yr thinks this is behavior to emulate and sometimes will say, “Can I peese have da chicken soft tacos, but without any uh-may-toes, and without any… um… chicken?”

3
Melissa
February 17th, 2011
7:26 pm

I grew up “meat and potatoes”. The meat was either grilled to a char with tons of bar-b-que sauce or it was deep fried. The vegetable was mashed, fried or covered in butter. I never thought I would change my ways.

Then I broke my arm from a dog attacking me while riding my bike. (Yes, really). I had to get a tetanus shot. This was before becoming totally against vaccinations. I started breaking out in eczema and started linking flare ups to my diet. I had the typical American diet. Fast food, processed food, boxed food. you name it. Slowly started eliminating that from my diet, which included most meat. The eczema went away and has never come back.

So most of the time I am vegetarian just because we are used to eating that way. I do have eggs and cheese, some chicken. Every now and then I like a hamburger and if I start becoming anemic, I crave a steak. I like mine RARE, it better “moo” when it hits the plate.

And no, it won’t putrefy in your intestines if you eat small portions with fresh raw veggies, like a big salad. Plenty of water afterwards.

4
Linda
February 17th, 2011
9:52 pm

Gross.

I don’t eat anything with identifiable body parts. That keeps it simple. Once at a Chinese restaurant the waiter brought us a huge fish on a platter with the eyeballs still intact.

What are people thinking?

If you ever make it to Boca, the sushi’s great here… : )

5
Geekwif
February 18th, 2011
3:16 pm

Melissa, I agree on the steak thing. Sometimes I just crave them, though I’m more of a medium-rare girl myself. That said, Kelsey, I would not recommend trying steak anytime soon even if you want to start eating more meat. Take it slow, starting with fish (fish fish, not seafood like shrimp, lobster, crab, etc.) and chicken, then maybe some pork and then start trying red meats.

When I first started eating meat again it took me a while to be able to eat red meat. At first it tasted really metallic to me. The only thing that took me longer to get used to again than red meat was shrimp. I still don’t eat much shrimp or lobster. I used to love it, but it just doesn’t taste the same to me anymore.
Geekwif recently posted..Redemption

6
Kelsey
February 18th, 2011
7:31 pm

Melissa, the Mostly a Vegetarian But The Steak Better Moo When It Hits The Plate TYPE! OH!!! I’ve never met one like you before! Also? what kind of dog? I’m trying not to think of your last 2 sentences, that’s the whole thing that messed me up in the first place…

7
Kelsey
February 18th, 2011
7:34 pm

Linda,
The No Identifiable Body Parts is an excellent way to approach meat. Will definitely consider. (Except it wouldn’t preclude chicken nuggets, but those would just be omitted by common sense anyway.)

I’d LOVE to have the sushi there! I’m considering that a formal invitation. The best sushi I had was in San Diego. (I don’t travel much.)

8
Kelsey
February 18th, 2011
7:38 pm

Geekwif,
I’m not too tempted with the thought of red meat in general, but that may have a lot to do with my last fast food experience. Metallic? Gross! Everything tastes really ‘game-y’ to me. Know what I mean? Also not a good taste. Unless you’re a bigtime hunter, and that I am not.

9
Jennifer Sullivan
February 18th, 2011
11:17 pm

Fishy says glug glug? Just kidding. I get it.
Maybe you should only eat kosher then you would be able to feel better about the whole dirty feet thing.
And unless you find a mute chicken or cow the whole sound part isn’t fixable…
I just started eating meat again after 16 years of no meat at all. I couldn’t think about it, I didn’t tell hubby or daughter about it until the next day and I waited a week to tell my parents and sister. I had to do it this way so that I didn’t make myself sick by thinking about it too much. Yes its crazy. I have accepted that. I totally get where you are coming from!
Jennifer Sullivan recently posted..Bow chika bow wow

10
Melissa
February 19th, 2011
10:43 am

The dog was a blue heeler, trying to “heel” me off of my bike I guess. My first broken bone in my life. Stupid dog.

anyhow, ANYTHING will putrify in your gut if you don’t eat right. It is just easier if you are mostly vegetarian. Think of the buns they use to make your vegetarian burger – if it has calcium sulfate in the bread (any bread) guess what? That is plaster of paris. It sits in your gut like, well, plaster. I mostly make everything I eat from scratch because of this. So if you are talking a small portion of meat (the size of a deck of cards) with a nice, raw salad and homemade salad dressing, you are going to digest that a lot better than the burger with not meat, simply because of the bread. I try to avoid any fast food at all costs, even chicken or fish. Too much chemicals. I would rather eat the “muscle of a dead animal” any day over the chemicals that cause cancer and disrupt brain function…

You don’t want to know what those diet cokes do to your brain…..

11
Kelsey
February 19th, 2011
1:26 pm

Jennifer,
glug glug. Gross!!!

Melissa,
did not know that about calcium sulfate… but just that name sounds gross so I’m not surprised. About the DC. I KNOW! Please don’t tell me, though. you kinda already grossed me out enough, but in a totally justified and forgiveable manner! I must quit the DC. Caden-7yr is really on my case about it.

12
MIchele
February 19th, 2011
6:51 pm

I love your blog.

I’m working up a Spring Blog Revival in my soul right now and hoping to get back into it some more. I hope you won’t be offended if I try to design mine to be more like yours–which is a very cognitive and comprehensible format–imo! :D
MIchele recently posted..Chickens!

13
MIchele
February 19th, 2011
6:54 pm

Oh. And: “glub glub”.

(That’s what a fish says).

ROTFL.
MIchele recently posted..Chickens!

14
Kelsey
February 20th, 2011
1:02 pm

michele,
THANKS!!!
I’m honored! And reminded again, WHY is yours not showing up in my bloglines…? will fix.

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