Thursday, February 10th 2011
This Is The Last We Speak of This…

Y’all were SO sweet to me. Thank you. Every one of you. I’m kinda done with school for a week (yea!) so I haven’t been online much at all and didn’t see all your sweet comments until now. (And Jan, I’d like to hear more, please, about the auburn/green!)

Sometimes God will send someone to be otherwordly kind to you because He knows that the very next morning at 9 am, you will be having a Hopping/Screaming/Shimmying Totally Justified FREAKOUT and you will need to have been miraculously reassured that He has not forgotten you.

I’ll spare you the worst of it, but I will say that I think I ruined a $600 vacuum and I was covered head to toe in dog vomit.

(Yeah. That actually  IS the version of that sentence that spares you the worst of it.) The hopping/screaming/shimmying thing made everything infinitely more disgusting, as it actually managed to transport many particles to areas of my hair and face and body that had not originally been contaminated. Sometimes it’s better to freakout in Deer In Headlights stance, but I always forget until it’s too late.

Also? Screaming involves the mouth being open, which is also ill advised under the circumstances.

Mike is out of town. And still blissfully unaware of these events. He called last night and seemed rather pleased with himself for giving a financial workshop twenty feet from the Arizona/Mexico border. But I think the danger I created all by myself in the hallway at 9 am using canine leftovers was possibly equally hazardous, and definitely more traumatizing. Mike has managed to incorporate a career with small elements of danger and get paid well for it. I have managed to create chaos with large amounts of Nasty and lose money in expensive appliances.  (We’re both REALLY good at what we do.)

The vet says the dog is fine.

The vet is weird and wonderful and knows his stuff.

But this dog is NOT fine.

After this morning, I am not really fine, either. I’d like to bathe in bleach,  brush my teeth with disinfectant, and hire a hypnotist to remove the memory of the 9 AM Hallway Incident.

But I’ll just go to bed early with a good book instead.


8 Comments on “This Is The Last We Speak of This…”

Jennifer Sullivan
February 10th, 2011
10:03 pm

Oh, that is so not good. I had a moment where I totally pictured you hopping up and down and screaming while covered in doggy puke, and then I felt super bad for you and wanted to Fed Ex you a whole lotta soap. I just don’t know what else to say about this except, no never mind there is nothing I can say about this… Hugs (from a distance)
Jennifer Sullivan recently posted..Gluten Free Deals and my gluten free journey


[...] central time (I wasn’t even awake then and her day was already sucking). She had issues with dog puke that really just made my whining seem ridiculous. It made me realize I was behaving like a brat. [...]

Heather Ivester
February 11th, 2011
10:05 am

Yuk — I can relate, unfortunately. Our dog had a terrible stomach ailment a few weeks ago, and it is so NOT fun. My advice (totally unasked for) is to call in those amazing pro carpet cleaners. They come to your house in a giant truck with giant tubes that wash and suck every speck of dirt and animal what-not from your carpets.

We have cream Berber carpets, and I know my carpet guy on a first-name basis. (Five kids, a dog, two cats, two guinea pigs, and a rabbit — you get the picture.) He also saved our carpets the day my mom and I painted a room bright apple green and accidentally knocked a whole can of paint over. Oops. He got there within an hour and got it all up.

February 11th, 2011
1:02 pm

I’m always glad for advice, and this sounds good! We’ve been considering getting rid of most of the carpet (beige shaggy loopy stuff that hides everything – good and bad), but in the meantime, there will DEFINITELY be a call in to the carpet people. Had no idea they could fix paint spills!

February 11th, 2011
1:03 pm

If a Fed Ex truck pulls up with soap, I will know who sent it! usually FedEx means dirty laundry. Mike fedexes his dirty laundry home for reasons I have never understood. I’ve learned though, and just don’t open the boxes anymore!

February 11th, 2011
7:25 pm

Eww. Eww. Ewwwwwwww. I bought the wrong dog food last week and have been dealing with dog “leftovers” due to my mistake. Thank goodness there has been no head to toe coverage in my case though. I don’t think the local stores could carry enough stock of disinfectants to get me through that one.

I hope the memories fade quickly. :)
Geekwif recently posted..Oh My

February 13th, 2011
10:22 pm

Not funny… not one word. I’m so sorry you went through this, and you’re a good dog mom for hanging in there and getting the job done.

We were going through a doggy diarrhea-hour long drive to a specialist-with severe Alzheimer’s overtones. Bloody frigging hell.

Burn the clothes, celebrate Mike’s success, and buy something cute for yourself, shoes too.

Hugs to you, girlfriend…

Holy Mama! » Called on the Carpet
March 21st, 2011
1:31 pm

[...] that is the difference between Real Life and Y’all. Y’all heard most of the disgusting vacuum story right away without asking and without much choice. Maria will NEVER hear the disgusting vacuum [...]

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