Tuesday, March 15th 2011
Root Beer, Blowtorch S’mores, And Justice For All

*Two boys are taking naps right now. they don’t know that none of their friends on spring break have to do this. If i told them, they’d realize what a raw deal they get around here with me. But if you put a 5 and 7 yr old to nap at 1:30 and they INSTANTLY go to sleep… then they are children who NEED a nap still. Right? And how lucky is that?

*Had a s’more last night. I sorta halfheartedly bemoaned the ‘nothing sweet or chocolate-y in the house’ status and Mike jumped up and (partly due to some latent guilt issues) grabbed a BLOWTORCH and toasted the marshmallows in the kitchen.

1. i did not know we owned a blowtorch, and now I have something else to worry about as a potential threat + 3 boys = disaster scenario. It’s exhausting being this overprotective.

2. blowtorches make disgusting s’mores, fyi.

3. there’s something rather gallant about latent guilt issues that i really find convenient. gosh. this is why people guilt trip each other? not that i did that, but i totally GET WHY TO DO THAT now. watch out, i could be a monster.

*Seth-5yr had a near death experience with a small root beer from Sonic today. Seth-5yr is a tough little kid who does not like to cry. He opens his little baby mouth to talk and out comes a surprising Johnny Cash-like voice. It’s just deeper than you’d expect. Don’t let the dimples fool you, he’s TOUGH, that one. But today we discovered that if he accidentally pokes a straw through the bottom of a Sonic styrofoam cup and iced cold root beer gushes all over his lap, he will FREAK OUT. Scream, panic, CRY real tears, wail, jump up and down against the seatbelt and make thoroughly unintelligible panicked animal noises. I almost drove off the road. If someone’s going to panic in this family, let’s face it: It’s Ethan-10yr 99% of the time. The rest of us share that other 1% pretty equally.

*It shocked me to pieces to hear Seth-5yr so totally losing his grip. I threw my hoodie at him and tried not to laugh at him while I pulled into a parking lot, parked, and ran around to his side to calm him down and dry him off.  He was shaking when I hugged him, and not from the ice in his shorts. Poor baby. Tough guy comes unglued over root beer, who knew?

*It’s a list. You caught me. I know, busted.

*I feel bad about saying a few posts back that I briefly thought the dog was worthless. (I can self-loathe over NOTHING, y’all.) The dog is precious and not worthless at all.  He doesn’t bark, but he does get very fidgety and upset looking and he yodels if I’m way up high on a ladder. Isn’t that sweet? He’s  a good dog.

*All the new interest in fish in this house has made the cat VERY happy. When we first got the cat, 10+ years ago, he adored me. He loved me so much that he didn’t want to be separated from me EVER. He’d even sit in the shower with me each morning and blink up through the drops hitting him in the eyes and get thoroughly soaked, rather than wait for me outside the shower. Pass the soap, and meow. THIS was the level of his devotion. Now he wouldn’t shower with me even if I invited a school of albacore. But he definitely appreciates me more now that I’m likely to drop bits of tilapia on the floor. Which is fine. I don’t really want to shower with a cat anyway. That was a weird time in our relationship.

*I only mention the cat because i had first mentioned the DOG, and isn’t it exhausting to constantly try not to show favoritism, and then you realize you’re guarding against favoritism not just for your kids, but for your PETS in your stupid BLOG, TOO, and then before you know it you have told the whole internet that 10 years ago you showered with your cat every morning, in the name of fairness to two animals who will never know or care anyway? Maybe favoritism is underrated.

*I better stop. There is just no telling what I’ll tell you next in the interest of pet equality, but it would probably be embarrassing.


6 Comments on “Root Beer, Blowtorch S’mores, And Justice For All”

March 15th, 2011
3:14 pm

I really think you’re neglecting the frogs. They’d probably LOVE to take a shower with you every morning. It’s really not fair to them.
LOL!!! I’m just teasing, of course. That really is cute though. The cat in the shower–sounds like a children’s book.
And I never new that your youngest son had a Willy Nelsonish voice. It’s not anything like that Little Rascals kid’s is it? I always wondered if his voice was for real. Maybe he grew up to be WIlly Nelson?
You blog about stuff I would never think to blog about. And I love it.
I’m really glad that you don’t approve of favoritism. I HATE favoritism. It just strikes me as so wrong, yet so many people do it. My own grandmother–whom we live with–constantly says one of my kids is her favorite. Of course it seems to be a different kid everyday, so that’s slightly less disturbing, at least. You know, I really aught to have a lot more to blog about considering we live with my dear senile grandmother. I just don’t view life the way you do, I guess. Or you’re jsut a thousand times more talented, which is also true.

March 15th, 2011
5:47 pm

A cat in the shower – now that is classic. My Mo will creep around between the two shower curtains, but never in the actual water. That is just too funny.
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March 16th, 2011
9:58 am

Embarassing? Maybe. Entertaining? Ab.So.Lutely. And now I know why I only have a dog. Well – and chickens – but since I can’t tell most of them apart, I don’t have to worry about favoritism, right? Although the big chickens get names, and the banty chickens don’t. (Because you can’t tell them apart! They’re all just “chickens.” Even the roosters. Although I was tempted to call them all “dinner.”)

March 17th, 2011
10:24 am

You know, there are all sorts of embarrassing stories about the cat – not necessarily embarrassing for YOU but for him. Remember his pole dancing days? And how he’s so fluffy he looks like he’s wearing Russian cossack pants? And how he poses for the camera with a killer Kelly Le Brock imitation on a regular basis (“don’t hate me because I’m beautiful”)? He really does have a long history of drama-queen moments.

March 18th, 2011
2:42 pm

the frogs WOULD love that! Gross! I’d love to hear grandmother stories – you must get on that! (i’m not more talented. you MUST be kidding. Anyone can write run-on sentences like I do!)

I’m afraid of the shower curtains Mo creeps between. if I go to someone’s house and am in the bathroom, i HAVE to take a deep breath and pull back the shower curtain before I can do anything else. Creeps me out. No scary movies contributed to this phobia. I’d just scream if I found a cat there.

you have CHICKENS?! oh very cool!

he did have a good pole dancing career there for awhile…

April 4th, 2011
7:30 pm

I came from Michele’s blog…umm…I feel you *hits chest twice and points at the screen* with the boy thing. Just trying to keep them alive feels like a full time job. It’s like being on suicide watch 24/7.
Oh, and we had the EXACT same sonic experience today…’cept it was my 2 yr old. We were on our way to his well-check, and thankfully I could grab it and dump it out the window. Poor kid…soaked, and then shots.
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