Mike would never intentionally give anyone food poisoning. He’s nicer than that. In fact, he WAS trying to be nice.
He’s leaving on a trip tomorrow and thought, “hey, I’ve been meaning to make cinnamon rolls, so I’ll just do it now. for breakfast tomorrow since i won’t be here. Sure, they taste better right out of the oven, but I never do it in the morning.”
I do not buy or make cinnamon rolls. But if they come out of the oven, I am completely powerless to avoid eating at least one.
Which I did.
Even though I had remembered to say, “What? You’re doing WHAT? Aren’t those old?”
And Mike said, “no, they’re not old.”
And then the cinnamon smell overtook the whole house and I lost all hope of rational thought and I ate one and OH MY GOSH. It was SO yummy.
For like, ten seconds.
And then… that’s odd. There is a distinctly rotten aftertaste going on here. Hmm.
Mike came in at that moment. I had since remembered those stupid cinnamon rolls were left over from Christmas.
CHRISTMAS.
CHRISTMAS OF 2010.
I gave Mike a dirty look, wiped my tongue off on my bathrobe, and calmly asked him to dig through the trash, and come back with a full and honest reporting of what he could learn of the pertinent expiration dates.
“February2.”
He felt really bad.
He put a hand on my right leg and prayed that God would somehow bless the food I had eaten. I interrupted by kicking him on the arm and telling him that was a stupid prayer and he couldn’t pray that. (I know, okay? I’m THAT kind of obnoxious in the Wife Department. He’s just SO lucky.) He tried again. I could not bring myself to feign reverence at this point in time. I stared him down while he prayed, and not in a nice way. It was a “bail me out here, Jesus,” prayer if ever there was one. Then he wrapped it up pretty quickly and said he needed to leave to do some errands.
Riiiight.
I’m here with a trashcan and a rotten food taste mixed with the flavor of terrycloth bathrobe in my mouth.
Mike had asked if he could get me something else to eat or drink that might help. But given the circumstances, I think not. The upside to this is that three little boys will not be eating these for breakfast and then getting sick at school and the nurse will not be calling me to come pick up 3 puking children.
The downside, of course, is the trashcan and the taste and the wondering if the Almighty is really interested in saving Mike’s butt tonight on my behalf, because this definitely calls for some divine intervention.
Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have kicked him when he was praying.
I love you.
10:33 pm
So….. are you sick? I’m sick over the thought of what you did to your bathrobe, but are you ^food poisoning^ sick?
Expiration dates just aren’t a guy thing. When in doubt, throw it out… even if it smells good coming out of the oven.
I think it’s cool that Mike prayed. Bet you’re fine, too… : )
Linda recently posted..Dr John Boyle… a murderer and me
12:08 am
You make me smile
1:05 am
Hoping you’re ok, but Jesus is totally ok with the ‘bail me out here’ prayers. Sometimes He even comes through.
Headless Mom recently posted..High School Reunion
9:12 am
Please tell us the end of the story. I earnestly hope it goes something like, “I felt queasy but nothing bad happened.” And that you’re not permanently scarred when it comes to cinnamon rolls. That kind of experience can mark a girl.
12:21 pm
Yikes, sorry everyone. I didn’t KNOW the ending to the story. I held a trashcan and ignored the upset stomach and went to sleep.
So I felt really disgustingly ‘off’ but never got sick. I can’t stand the thought of cinnamon rolls now, and that might last awhile. If I’m not careful, i can remember the rotten taste, so I try not to think about it.
Linda,
If you saw this bathrobe, you’d be appalled that I wiped my tongue on it. not because it’s nice. Because it’s the UGLIEST bathrobe on the planet. it was given to Mike by his parents in the mid 1980s, and is really bright blue, yellow, and pink on a black background. It’s HIDEOUS. but it weighs about 20 pounds and is completely floor length on me and I wear it every day because it’s warm. No one else would ever wear it or let their tongue get near it. When laLa visits sometimes she is startled and affronted at the sight of it in the bathroom and has to let her eyes adjust. I thought we were pretty good because Mike had actually cleaned out the fridge the week before. he doesn’t normally do stuff like that. But now I realize that is perhaps a very good thing, since he keeps the old stuff and throws out… I dont’ know what. The prayer was nice. Also surprising. actually, it only seems nice today. last night i was too mad to think it was nice at all. since we’re being honest and all.
Angie,
Well I’m glad. It made me smile when i realized you took the time to write that at 12 in the morning!
HMom,
AMEN!
LaLa,
It went exactly like that!? how good are you? I only eat cinnamon rolls a couple times a year anyway… but we’ll see. I smelled hot pretzels today at the mall and it smelled too close to cinnamon rolls for comfort. ew.
1:21 pm
I once got sick after eating pancakes, and it was *years* before I could even stand to smell pancakes cooking. Let us hope you will not be so scarred by this experience that you will not be able to enjoy the absolute bliss of biting into a buttery, cinnamony piece of heaven. All cinnamon buns lack in order to be the perfect food is chocolate.
Jan recently posted..Freeze!
2:29 pm
Jan,
I do love the smell of pancakes cooking. But… your description of cinnamon rolls was SO darn sensory and spot-on that I was gagging by the end of it. And then laughing. Because that is the power of the well written description.