I took 3 boys to Hobby Lobby today. The aisles and aisles of breakable stuff normally preclude my taking them with me if at all possible. I’m clumsy. They’re not known for looking where they’re going. It’s an errand to avoid if possible. But today we had made it. Nothing had gone wrong.

We stood in line at the register, a few people ahead of us and 2 cute college girls behind us. One of them smiled, nodded at the boys, and said, “They’re really cute.”

I thanked her. Because that’s what you do. Not because I particularly agreed right at that moment.

The line was moving very slowly. I heard Caden-7yr behind me say, “Whoah…!”

And then…. life slowed down considerably. In slow motion, I took in the sight of Caden-7yr with a tape measure he had picked up from a display and noticed it was held up, inches from my backside, tape stretched WIDE.

The “whoah” was a sound of surprise at the large-ish number attached to this particular – highly inaccurate – measurement of my butt.

Behind all of this stood two open-mouthed, bug eyed college girls who looked as if they’d both just decided not to ever have children.

Caden-7yr can be very influential.

I grabbed the tape measure, pushed the button to make the tape retreat back inside, and said, “Are you KIDDING me? Don’t! EVER! Do! THAT!”  I was sorta laughing, so it didn’t come out all that harshly. I couldn’t help it. Mortifying, yes, but also SO funny.

One college girl said, “Oh. My. GAWD.”  She was bothered FOR me. I think she was bothered for all women everywhere. And she didn’t really seem to think my children were cute anymore and she didn’t really seem to find it humorous. I can’t blame her.

I smiled at her and shrugged and scooted us all up, where I put everything in the basket onto the counter to be scanned. We were almost out of there when the other college girl said, “Excuse me? Your butt is NOT big. I just hope you know that. I mean, I KNOW  I would want someone to tell me that.” Her eyes were still very big.  I think Caden-7yr scarred these girls for life.

Awkward.

The cashier, who had not seen anything before this, snapped her head up and looked around, trying to make sense of this interesting declaration. I thanked the cashier, thanked the college girl, and got my butt out of there.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms.

And I’d just like to say to you, on this very special day,  with big eyes and great college-girl type sincerity, “Your butt is NOT big. I just hope you know that.”

I think maybe that will always be an awkward thing to say, regardless of time or place. (But we gave it the ol’ college try.)

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