Friday, May 20th 2011
The Day, So Far

*writing students: please see the post – and comments – below this one. thanks!*

It’s the end of the school year. The time when every kid has 7 different Fun Things going on that they need equipment, money, sack lunches, water bottles, bottles of bubbles, etc for and I canNOT keep it all straight in my head or in my phone or on my calendar. Even though I TRY. REALLY, really hard, I try.

Which is why Seth-5yr bopped in to preschool today wearing swim shorts and a swim shirt even though it was NOT Splash Day, as I was certain it was. It was Crazy Hair and Sock day and Seth-5yr did not have particularly zany hair and he was wearing sandals, no socks. (And thank God for that.)  But the fish swim shorts DID look a little crazy, so, you know… eh.

Caden-7yr took his pulled teeth to school in his lunch bag, but is NOT owning up to that unauthorized decision, saying they just mysteriously GOT THERE and then they got lost which really upset no one except his adorable first grade teacher who was SO apologetic that she took the kids on a field trip and she kept up with a whole class of first graders with end of school energy/hyperactivity but somehow those two teeth got lost on her watch and she thought that was somehow her fault and… I know. I’m not even kidding. She’s THAT cute. I was all, “WHAT? Dude. They’re TEETH. And those root-y things icked me out anyway, and he shouldn’t have taken them, and generally doesn’t the tooth fairy confiscate ANYWAY? Like, that’s the normal fairy policy, and I guess ours just got left on the kitchen counter by oversight and really, it’s NO BIG DEAL. Lost teeth should just BE lost.”

My mom and I took Ethan-11yr out of school because all of his 4th grade end of year party plans involved Activities That Would Shake His Brain, and I’m not allowing any of that yet. So we took him to the chiropractor (I know! Like, I need a warning label, I am SOOO dangerously fun!), then to a paint your own pottery place, and then to a really great lunch where I ate way too much of something way too buttery and noodle-y. It was NICE. I’m so glad we did all of that and Ethan-11yr’s brain remained unshaken.

It was a LOVELY day. I read the latest, so sweet comments from the previous post before getting out of bed. So imagine how the smile on my face – from y’all – faded as i finally got up and walked by the spot where the cat had started breakfast and then.. um, had a change of heart about the breakfast. Duke, the dog, looked at the Cat Fo Up and then up at me with hopeful, pleading eyes.

Eyes that said: Please? I know how you feel about Fo Up. I can take care of this mess for you, if you’ll only give me permission, and then YOU won’t have to clean it up… and no one needs to know….

I looked at Duke and said, “That is SO nice, that offer. But disgusting. And I should love you more than to let you do that. That is just… not… right… I should just clean it up myself and I think I can do it without getting sick. I’m pretty sure I can. It’s not much.

Yes, I really DO stand around and talk to animals like this.

And Duke looked over his shoulder at the Fo Up and back at me, questioning. I crumbled. I KNOW I can’t clean stuff like that up without gagging and heaving and making more of a mess. I know this about me. Duke knows this about me. “Fine. Go ahead. It isn’t very much, and I won’t judge.” I waved him on, and off he went.


It was much louder and squishier and slurpier than I had perhaps thought it would be and I ended up reacting exactly how I would have if I’d cleaned it anyway, and in between gagging I was singing LALALALALA to drown it out and also shouting, “I’M SORRY! OKAY? I SAID I WOULDN’T JUDGE AND I AM SOOOO JUDGING [gag, gag, heave], BUT I DIDN”T KNOW IT WAS GOING TO SOUND LIKE THAT! LALALALALA! OH! MY! GOSH! MISTAKE!! [gagging on all fours in hallway] BIG MISTAKE!”

The cat and the dog are both fine now. Duke was thoroughly rattled by my reaction and wouldn’t look at me, which was JUST FINE with me in case he had something icky on his face. I don’t normally yell, and never at him because he never does anything wrong. Well, no nevermind. He probably had that yelling coming, actually. He gets upset whenever there are roofers in the area and he won’t twinkle outside if there are people on roofs who can look down and see him and that was the case a couple weeks ago so he went inside on a chair in the living room.  He’s a very modest labrador.

It’s so ridiculous it’s hard to be upset with him.

Anyway. I adore y’all. Thank you. I got up off the hall floor and took a shower and then re-read all the nice things y’all said and started smiling again and then went and had a really great day. (I hope y’all did, too.)


8 Comments on “The Day, So Far”

May 20th, 2011
10:06 pm

That was a very funny picture. It’s amazing how clearly one can visualize all this when reading your blog! You have a smart dog. I never felt enough of a connection with a dog to understand all that. You’re so clever to figure out that the roofers were intimidating, lol. I figured out that my daughter didn’t want to sleep in her own bed because the scary tooth fairy was scheduled to make a visit to her brother tonight, but that was only after she told me. But it was in baby talk, so that’s sort of clever, right?

I forgot to answer your earlier question about whether I’m a podcast “user”. LOL! Yes, I am. I do it a lot. When cleaning or exercising (two things I hate) to take my mind off of what I’m doing. A lot of people listen to them on long commutes to work or at work or like me when they’re doing mindless things they hate. They’re very popular. Some of my favorites are from FlyLady and Nature’s Harmony Farms. I also like audio books when I’m doing mindless hated tasks. I would love to listen to pod casts of your blog because I don’t always have time to sit and read. My kids hate it when they see me at the computer, but they don’t mind if I’m up cleaning and listening to a pod cast. But I wouldn’t want to listen to someone read your blog poorly. It would dishonor the artist, imo. It’d have to be either you, or someone who really ‘gets’ you. I can see entire groups of ladies huddled around listening to your blog casts on car trips to women’s retreats or at mom/MOPS meetings–having a coffee-snorting, good laugh together. Then I imagine you actually being the speaker at the women’s retreats and everyone loving it, because you’re funny and real and you say all the things we’re all thinking but don’t feel comfortable saying ourselves. I’m an idealist, so I have these imaginary trips a lot, lol.

May 21st, 2011
7:38 am

Ok – I wasn’t even there – and I was still gagging just reading it. Ewww! (but hilarious all the same!)

May 21st, 2011
10:46 am


baby talk sweet excuses about tooth fairy… always sweet. she sounds adorable.

fascinating little vignette there with the women’s retreats… i tend to avoid them with everything i have within me. but it would intimidate me far less to speak publicly than to sit around with a ‘small group’ and chit chat.

i am AMAZED that sometimes i write disgustingness like that and people are kind enough to come back. MAN, that was gross, why did i write that?!

May 22nd, 2011
7:42 am

I can’t help but laugh at your painful clean up. I know it’s not nice, but I’m right there with ya. Animal messes gross me out. IckyIckyEwwEww.
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May 22nd, 2011
9:18 am

Living with a dog and 4 cats, I know exactly what that experience is like. Nasty, nasty, nasty, ewww, ewww, ewww!!!!!

Dogs are SOOOOO gross.
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Jennifer Sullivan
May 22nd, 2011
5:06 pm

Totally gag worthy post. Gross! Having a hard time moving on from that… Maybe, until I have the baby you could have a little blog rating at the top? G for gag worthy works for me. It’s the only rating I am concerned about. Ewwwww.

By the way, I have every one of Miranda’s teeth in a big bag with each tooth in its own individual bag with the date that she lost it.
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Holly Rose
May 23rd, 2011
12:36 pm

Gross!!! And as someone who owns both cats and dogs, I’ve been there lol

Holly Rose
May 23rd, 2011
12:46 pm

At our house, the tooth fairy sometimes falls down on the job. She doesn’t have a very good rep. The kids have gone a few days before getting their money and they’ve come to dislike the tooth fairy and labeling her as unreliable! Thank goodness Santa never lets them down!
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