Monday, July 18th 2011
Reconstructing The Events of Last Night

Today I had the two little guys at the doughnut shop while Mike had Ethan-11yr at the orthodontist. We were all so very tired.

I looked at the boys and asked them to tell me EXACTLY what had gone on the previous night. All I could remember was one kid ending up in bed with us, one kid claiming he had a dream about a house explosion, and someone was sneezing in the hall – all of which meant I got hardly any sleep.

They filled me in. It was Caden-7yr who came in with the house explosion dream. I responded with the BEST EVER technique for What To Do When Your Kid Has a Bad Dream. Seriously, y’all. File this one away. In the times we’ve done this, no child has EVER come BACK and said that he had the dream again. It kills the bad dream. It’s the bad dream exterminator. The kid will NOT come back in 45 minutes and say he’s had the dream again.

Ready? Here goes. You ask the kid to tell you the dream. Then you empathize. Hard to do while trying not to wake up, but still totally doable. THEN. You ask the kid to come up with an alternate ending that is not scary. If the child cannot do this, you do it for him, but tailor it to the kid’s personality and age. I asked Caden-7yr what could happen instead of the house exploding when he walked into it and he cried on my shoulder and said, “i don’t know.” So i said maybe when he walked in, the surprise is the house is full of balloons and ice cream cones and puppies. And then you pray over the kid and tell him to go away and that’s it. Ta-DA.  With practice, you can do this without even waking up.

After Caden-7yr came in with the bad dream – and it was exterminated-  and he went back to bed, someone else came in. I thought for sure it was Caden-7yr and this was weird because that technique has NEVER failed in the 4 years or so we’ve been using it. So I grabbed him, threw him to the middle of the bed, and went back to sleep and didn’t find out until Doughnut Time that it was actually Seth-5yr and not Caden-7yr.

“What? OH! Okay. That makes sense. Geez, that reminds me of the dad in the Bible who can’t tell his sons apart when they come to his bedside to talk to him.”

Caden-7yr put down his chocolate covered doughnut hole and is clearly offended with me. He said, “WHAT? YOU MEAN THE STORY WHERE THE MOM HELPS THE ONE SON LIE TO THE DAD ABOUT WHO HE REALLY IS AND THAT WAY HE GETS ALL THE GOOD STUFF AND THE PRAYER  AND THE FOOD AND THE ANIMALS AND HIS BROTHER GETS, LIKE, NOTHING? OH! MY! GOSH! MOM!!! DID YOU SAY IT’S LIKE THAT BECAUSE I AM ALSO SO VERY HAIRY? AND ONE OF THE SONS IN THAT STORY IS VERY HAIRY, LIKE ME, AND–?”

He quit talking because I was crumpled into a snorting, laughing ball on my side of our yellow booth.

I pulled myself together and wished I were better at analogies, because they do tend to go off-target so often. “Um… really it was just that I couldn’t tell my sons apart, I’m sorry, and NO, all those other details were not, um, considered, and you are not hairy.”

Caden-7yr is NOT hairy, or overly hairy, but he thinks he is. He seemed to accept my answer. But he still raised his eyebrows at me, and then held his knee up so that the sunlight streamed through the window behind him and illuminated a few blond leg hairs on his knee.  Seth-5yr and I nodded that yes, we see the knee hair.

Seth-5yr said, “Yes, that is hair. But have you seen Dad’s yegs? He is not hairy. HE IS FURRY.

What a sweet brother who will clearly define your  hair relativity issues. (And not steal your birthright.)

 

 

UPDATED: how is it possible for all of us to be THIS tired, and then to take these same children to morning swim lessons and then my mom took them to a splashy fountain-y place even though she was lovingly concerned for their tiredness levels and I was heartlessly all, NO, MOM. LET”S MAKE THEM FALLING DOWN TIRED, PLEASE, AND THANK YOU, I”M GOING TO TARGET and now it is naptime and these 2 always nap and WHAT? NOT TODAY? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? We slept, like, 4 minutes last night between house explosions and hallway sneezes?

~hm

8 Comments on “Reconstructing The Events of Last Night”

1
Mother T
July 18th, 2011
4:33 pm

Overly tired children tend to have more bad dreams than others. You may have just set yourself up for another night of it.

2
Kelsey
July 18th, 2011
4:54 pm

Mother T,
oh NO!! I should have listened to my mom, huh?

3
Jan
July 18th, 2011
7:38 pm

LOL oh my word! Falling in the floor funny!!!
the hairy part reminds me of when Jeana, as a child, thought she was so hairy that she wanted to shave her arms!

4
Jan
July 18th, 2011
9:30 pm

BTW, how cool is it that he actually knows that Bible story?

5
Linda
July 18th, 2011
10:11 pm

Amazing… I had a house explosion dream too last night, and there was even a fire whIch I put out with my hands. Must be going around…

Good thing for Caden 7yr that we no long besto riches on people based on their hairiness. Is furry really better than hairy? I always enjoy Caden 7yr’s philosophy… so unique for a little guy! ; )

6
Kelsey
July 19th, 2011
1:02 pm

Jan,
she did NOT?! oh cute. she has the smoothest radio-type voice EVER. not that this has anything to do with anything. But still.

I know- someone’s been paying attention! I was impressed with his recall, too!

Linda,
YOU DID?! That is interesting. Caden-7yr’s specifically was that every time we moved into a house it exploded.

I think Seth-5yr was thinking hairy was definitely better than hairy. but he also seemed to imply that he knew hairy was the start of furry, so watch out.

7
Jan
July 19th, 2011
4:15 pm

Kels, she was not a particularly hairy child, nor is she presently hirsute. I don’t know what made her think that. What puts certain ideas in kids’ heads? And I too love Jeana’s voice. And her humor. and her sarcasm.
Love you and your kids too.

8
JB
August 4th, 2011
9:52 am

Just wait til he hits puberty. My boys are constantly trying to show me armpit hair that is almost non-existent.

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