Thursday, September 22nd 2011
The Bottom Line

I have a morning appointment with a spin bike.

Ew. 

It wasn’t really my idea. Wait. No. It wasn’t my idea at ALL. It was this lovely, overly enthusiastic perky gym person who I’ve known (sorta) for a year or so. She’s quick to tell you she’s in her late 40s. I think she likes the genuine shock this revelation always creates because not only is she beautiful – she looks at least 15 years younger.

I could write an entire post about this woman’s butt. It’s as perky as she is.  Ages ago I made the mistake of standing behind her in a class where we had to do a ton of squats. Afterwards i was all, “yeah sorry about the awkward staring but it’s just so perfect it was sort of mesmerizing, how did you GET THAT?” (I felt I had to explain. There were mirrors. She’d seen my mystification. And it wasn’t nearly as pervy as it sounds — it was inappropriate but sincere curiosity at what one must do in order to attain such flawlessness. I can’t really hide what I’m thinking very well and then I have to occasionally explain or at least own up to it and yeah THAT’S so fun) But she just laughed as if she hears that every day of her life, and really she probably does.  Her butt probably has its own fan club. Her butt probably has its own blog, facebook page, and exercise dvd set that is sold at 2 am on various television channels and it probably airs right after those awful ahhh bra ads.

Anyway. This woman with the perfect backside, and the perky demeanor to match,  VERY strongly suggested I attend a spin class with her as a means of increasing my cardio abilities for this half marathon idea. Her ‘best’ half marathon time was when she was most consistent with spin. When she said that, I felt faint. I didn’t ask her how many 1/2s  she’d done. Or anything. I tried to be noncommittal. But she whipped out her phone and said, ‘tell me your phone number,’ and then MY phone was ringing and she said, “see, now you have my number. you tell me if you are not going to be there because i’ll be there half an hour early holding a spin bike for you and if you don’t show people will get mad at me because every bike is taken in this class.”  And she was smiling SO widely that it came off very nice and I had no idea what had hit me. Or what? I was now a ‘contact’ in her phone. Or how that had happened, because  I’m so antisocial that crap like that does NOT happen to me. Oh DEAR. Then there were a LOT of texts about this whole ridiculous idea. I’m committed. I’m in. I’ll be on a spin bike at 9 am on a Friday.

I’m hating the thought of it, but am hopeful it’ll help with the needed endurance. Right. But really, I should get a great butt JUST for showing up, right?

Yeah, i’m sure it works like that.

~hm

6 Comments on “The Bottom Line”

1
Mother T
September 23rd, 2011
7:05 am

I wish I could exercise or walk or just clean my floors without being in such excruciating pain that it puts me on the couch for hours. I hope the spin bike class really does help you prep for your half marathon.

2
Headless Mom
September 23rd, 2011
12:20 pm

So how was it?
Headless Mom recently posted..And So It Begins

3
Michele
September 23rd, 2011
4:01 pm

LOL, maybe they hand them out at the door as you go in (that was regarding your last line in case you’re feeling mystified again). I think I know this lady because there’s a woman I’m friends with on FB who had a picture of her…butt….as her profile for a while and she seemed very proud of it. I eventually had to cut back on how many updates I wanted to receive from her because, yes, it was annoying.

Are spin bikes like regular stationary bikes? Maybe that’s just the new term for stationary bike? I’m not up to date with what gyms have. I jogged for a while this summer and loved it. But it passed like a phase and now I’m just watching myself gain what I’d lost. :P

4
Sarah
September 23rd, 2011
4:36 pm

I’m very much looking forward to hearing about this experience. Get. On. It.
Sarah recently posted..if i could see, what he sees

5
Jan
September 23rd, 2011
8:48 pm

If you don’t want to hear from her any more, you could do what Wick does; when he gets a solicitation call, he saves the number under “Refused” so when that shows up, he just doesn’t answer it.
Maybe you should take a “before” picture, before the class, and another “after” so we can see your new perfect rear end.
Jan recently posted..Fires Contained–For Now

6
Kelsey
September 24th, 2011
5:26 pm

Mother T,
ME TOO. I pray that will be the case.

HM,
oh…. wow.

Michele,
One more reason to stay away from fb if people have butt pics?! ACK!

Well. yes. they’re just glorified stationery bikes from what i can tell. you jogged? that’s great. I need to do that. today. later. ugh.

Sarah,
you bike! i should have asked you things! very important things!

Jan,
hahahaha. yeah. i’ll get right on that before and after pics of my butt idea. (awesome.)

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