Saturday, September 10th 2011
Thinking of Harold

This time every year, a man I never knew drifts through my thoughts.

Harold Lizcano.

In my thoughts, I can plainly see his face, ¬†but only as it appears in this photograph. I’d participated in a blog thing in which various bloggers were each assigned to write a post about a specific person who died on September 11. I remember being terribly frustrated at not finding out very much at all about Harold, and the resulting post seemed inadequate. There’s more available now, when I search his name. I re-read it all almost every year.

I just can’t help but remember his kind face and wonder about what his life was like before that day. What it would have been like these last ten years, had he only gotten to live them.

Ten years is such a long time.

In those ten years, I had two more children. Children who, just last night, needed to discuss the complexities of faith and death and heaven and cry with me about the concept of loss. They’d watched a movie in which dogs died and there was a lot to be processed by their sweet little minds. I’m not sure I handled it as well as possible. I’m very sure I didn’t have all the answers and oh, how I wish I’d remembered not to let them see that movie.

It would have been easier if they hadn’t watched it. ¬†Easier than crying and questioning and them wondering if they would be able to sleep that night or if they’d be kept awake by the sadness of it all.

I went to bed and thought about Harold, and how he didn’t have any children yet but had wanted them.

I usually don’t mention it, but my heart breaks a little every year for the memory of this man. It would have been easier not to mention him, or cry these tears again or share my much-removed, never knew him, sadness of it all with you.

But easier isn’t often the most important thing.

And certainly not today.


4 Comments on “Thinking of Harold”

Gidget @ Homeschooling Unscripted
September 12th, 2011
12:00 am

We have to remember and write about them. I think it’s amazing that you decided to find out more about this one person whom you had never met before – that put you into it even more than you had to be.

While writing my remembrances today I also kept thinking of those whose lives were changed forever that day – on a very personal level. Thank you for telling us more about Harold – I’m sure his family appreciates it very much.
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September 12th, 2011
1:57 pm

thank you gidget. i don’t know if his family will see it or if they’d be blessed. but maybe, if it helps to know that a stranger in texas thinks of their loved one every year it might be some very small consolation that he is not forgotten.

September 13th, 2011
2:06 am

Thank you all so much for your kind words and prayers. I was Harold’s sister-in-law. He was an amazing Husband to my sister, even though they were just married. An incredible friend to everyone that met him. And an amazing brother. He was a very pure hearted person, and lived his life with the grace of God. Thank you for thinking of him, he is definitely one of those people one can never forget…no matter how many years have passed. I think about him everyday and miss him so much. He was a good man… and very much needed in my family. His absence has definitely left a hole in our hearts for what seems like forever. Thanks again and God Bless.

September 13th, 2011
4:22 pm

Oh, JV…. thank you for sharing about him. I’m so sorry for your loss. I appreciate your willingness to describe him here. What a wonderful man.

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