Monday, September 12th 2011
Trending: Male Gifting

Seth-5yr brought me a small pinkish butterfly stuffed animal this morning, and its detached eyeball. He wanted me to sew it back on so that he could give it to his beautiful friend, “O’Libya.” (a.k.a. Olivia) It just couldn’t be given away until it had both eyeballs.

I agreed to sew it back on for him.

I melted at his sweet little heart. Olivia is the friend who proposed marriage to him last year, and he had gracefully accepted and then told me I couldn’t attend the ceremony because it was private. I hugged him today and told him how kind it was that he had thought of her and wanted to give her something special.

He hugged me back and said, “Well. I really want to give it to dis udder guhl who is new. But I do not know her name. And I cannot give a budderfy to a guhl unless I know her name. Even if it DOES have two eyeballs. So I will give it to O’Libya because I know her name.”

There were so MANY things in that little speech I wanted to discuss, but he had places to go. He came in just now and kissed me goodnight. Seeing a giant pink Victoria’s Secret bag on the bed next to me, he said, “Dad got you the wrong size, huh?”

I tried not to laugh. Not hard enough, but I did try.

I don’t know how he knew about that. Sure, I told y’all that Mike bought me lots of lingerie in the wrong size a couple weeks back, but I didn’t tell the kids.  When Mike and I talked about it, I’d said, “just don’t buy lingerie if you don’t know what size.”

This is very much like, “I cannot give a budderfy to a guhl if I do not know her name. Even if it does have both eyeballs.”

Some things you just don’t do. Some things are common sense.

But Mike was DETERMINED to fix this. So today he brought home an even bigger bag than the last one, filled with even more lingerie of every fabric and style imaginable. None of it is the right size. It’s all pretty. And colorful. And I wasn’t expecting him to do that at all.

This time I’ll take it all back before he can beat me to it.

The man TRIES. He really, really does. And just now he came and wanted to know exactly what size, since he’d gotten it all wrong again. Just for “future reference.” I imagined him putting a bra size in some memo feature on his iphone and could just not bring myself to answer. Ick.

I told him there is no future reference, but thank you so much. After all, I now have a lifetime supply.

No more pink bags please, even though that was waaaay over the top and too much, but very kind. Kind like the pink butterfly.

Whose eyeball I will now reattach.  For a beautiful girl whose name is known.

Always comically mispronounced, but at least known.


9 Comments on “Trending: Male Gifting”

September 13th, 2011
8:46 am

Oh man I can only wish Wick would go shopping at Victoria’s Secret! I don’t mind wrong sized, since I can always exchange for the right sizes. Is Mike trying to damp your anger?
Jan recently posted..Fires Contained–For Now

September 13th, 2011
10:00 am

Sweet, sweet, sweet, all around. I love that Mike is trying so hard to get you something you will love. And even more, I love that Seth-5yr wants to give his friend a pink butterfly, as opposed to something of a more boyish color and species. How many little boys understand that little girls like pretty pink things? Of course, if it turns out that O’Libya would rather have, for instance, a John Deere lawn tractor than a pink butterfly, then Seth-5yr might just have some learning to do. But then, don’t they all? :)
Geekwif recently posted..European Vacation – Lissewege, Belgium

September 13th, 2011
4:20 pm

mike says it is a VERY stressful experience (that he is determined to keep repeating) because the sales staff are VERY VERY VERY helpy. Yes. he is trying everything he can, and I love that phrase. damp your anger. I can even hear you sayin it.

oooh yes they do. but a willingness to learn helps tremendously.

Jennifer Sullivan
September 13th, 2011
10:17 pm

So I went in the opposite direction as Jan. My thought was well if he’s buying you lingerie larger than your size maybe he wants to piss you off for more “angry sex”? I dunno if your hubby is that kind of backwards insightful, but it’s totally something my hubby would do so I thought I would mention it. If it’s all too small why doesn’t he just peek at your other stuff and take the right sizes from the labels? That’s always the easiest.

Auntie Fran
September 14th, 2011
9:06 am

my thoughts on men gifting lingerie:
1. I think that men don’t think about clothing sizes in the same way women do. If they see a sexy item, they fantasize about seeing you in it whether it is the right size or not.
2. You know how you have trouble recognizing faces, I think that many men have trouble figuring out women’s sizes–compared to men’s clothing sizes, ours are much more varied and complicated.
3. It’s a Generational Thing: Victoria Secret vs Frederick’s of Hollywood:
At least now, men can go in to the mall and go into a respectable store to buy respectable lingerie with respectable and helpful sales women instead of going into a Frederick’s of Hollywood in some seedy part of town and find some truly raunchy stuff that many of us would not wear. Or they had to go to department store lingerie departments in department store that were usually staffed with women who had been helping women buy bras and night gowns for generations.
3. I give men credit for trying to right by us and going into V.’sS stores at all. Maybe V.’sS should start a size registry for their customers so the sales women could give men better guidance.
4. Perhaps giving our guys a card with our various sizes listed would take some of the stress out of the process for all involved–of course, we don’t have to list all our sizes, just the ones for things that we wouldn’t mind their giving us. What could it hurt, it might be interesting to see what they come up with a list.
5. Gift cards are always nice–then we get to go to V’s S and buy what we really want and will feel sexy wearing!
As always, with Love and Aloha
Auntie Fran

September 14th, 2011
5:52 pm

Dear Mike,

Check our your sweet wife’s panty drawer. This should give you a general idea of what size she wears.

No need to thank me,
Sarah recently posted..The First of our Days

September 18th, 2011
4:52 pm

HA. Um. Angry sex isn’t really all that great. Just sayin.

Auntie Fran,
that was AMAZING. a comprehensive look at all sides, and you shortchanged yourself by using the number 3 twice, so you actually had 6 different points on the subject.


September 19th, 2011
2:45 pm

My hubby got the memo a long time ago that he should never buy my anything clothing related. Glad. we. got. that. clear.
Stacey recently posted..The Diagnosis… part 2

November 22nd, 2014
8:11 pm

That’s an inventive answer to an intsereting question

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