Thursday, November 17th 2011
Running: An Angsty Update

Skip this if you’re in a real peaceful mood and want to maintain it. My crazy could easily threaten your peace in fewer than 500 words, and this is your only warning. 

I was supposed to do a 1/2 marathon last weekend. You may or may not remember I got all freaked out about it and everything.

Then I got all depressed and there were various injuries (that riding mower hand injury i got when i drove into a fence? I think something in there is cracked. It’s still not okay. the hand, not the fence) and the main thing that got me all off track? An app.

Yes. Want to derail your goals and inspire regular bouts of seething? There’s an app for that.

It was a 1/2 marathon training app. And I’d go for a run and then input my stats and be all thrilled that I’d run 8 or 9 miles and then it would say, “You are 1% of the way toward your goal.”

EXCUUUUUUSE ME, STUPID APP? Math is not my thing. But 8 or 9 miles is a lot closer to 13.1 than ONE PERCENT AND I’M TEMPTED TO BREAK OUT A CALCULATOR.

And there would be a public mini-FIT and a forceful shoving of phone in purse or car or something.

I fantasized about reaching 13.1 and telling it to my app and THEN SEEING WHAT IT SAID. Regularly. Too much. Too often I thought about mind games with the app. In which I won.

And then… it defeated me. Along with the other excuses and physical stuff. And what had been muscle turned slightly, sadly,  squishy. And then when I ran for just 3 miles the other day I put it in and my app added a half a percent total toward my goal and I felt my shoulders slump and I walked off without shoving it into my purse or having a mini fit and just thought, “you are right. that was only worth 1/2  a percent. i am a loser. i am a squishy, squishy loser. you win, you wise wise app. i will never get there.”

So.

I missed the 1/2 marathon event. Which is fine with me. I was more freaked out by the social nature of the event than the actual running. (WHAT? PEOPLE MIGHT RUN NEXT TO ME? THERE COULD BE EYE CONTACT? ACCIDENTAL TOUCHING OF ANOTHER HUMAN? A SENSE OF CAMARADERIE? EWWWWW! WHERE’S MY LEXAPRO?! THE THOUGHT OF ALL THOSE PEOPLE IS GIVING ME HIVES. I NEED PRAYER NOW.)

I’ll get there. I’ll do the stupid 13.1 because I NEED to. I cannot just turn to squish and let life and an app kill me. I have children. Slow Death By App is unacceptable. It’s not an honorable way to go. I’ll get my life together and get my butt on the road and run. And when I get to 13.1 I will tell you and I may or may not say SUCK THAT, YOU STUPID APP.

Actually, there’s a real good chance i will do that.

Okay, I totally fantasize about it. I must be making a comeback.

~hm

7 Comments on “Running: An Angsty Update”

1
LaLa
November 17th, 2011
9:31 am

Perhaps there is another app? You could fiercely delete the stupid one and use one that actually does real math?

2
Kelsey
November 17th, 2011
9:36 am

LaLa,
that’s way too rational!! delete the app?! I have to CONQUER THE APP!!!

3
Geekwif
November 17th, 2011
10:34 am

Trash the app! It’s computerized and will. not. change. If 8 miles is 1% of your goal, then it won’t be satisfied until you’ve run 800 miles.

Eight hundred miles.

That’s like five days straight of running without eating, sleeping, or blogging. I’m with LaLa. Find an app that has a clue and get rid of this one. Conquer that app with logic and consumer preference.
Geekwif recently posted..NaNoWriMo Update

4
JB
November 17th, 2011
3:30 pm

Something fishy with that app…get rid of it!
I use an app when I run but it doesn’t give me percentages….just tells me how far and how long I ran and what my average mile time is.
I’m only up to about 3 and a half miles a few times a week ( and definitely not all running) so if I ever ran 8 miles and my phone told me I was at 1%, I would be needing a new phone…..
JB recently posted..You

5
Linda
November 17th, 2011
9:42 pm

Fewer apps, more Lexapro. Your story is the exact reason I don’t have apps or a machine to do them on.

And… I so admire your athletic prowess.

I started taking HRT and my doctor says I need more exercise. Can 50 year old broads learn to run? I already hate it.
Linda recently posted..Harry Shaw

6
Kelsey
November 18th, 2011
4:36 pm

GW
again… so realistic and logical when i’m feeling so irrational…

JB
you’re doing great!! that’s a lot of miles each week, girl!

Linda
i have no prowess. i just show up and do it anyway! if your dr says exercise, do NOT pick running if you hate it, silly! pick something you like. if you don’t like anything yet, keep looking. you’ll find it!

7
Laurie
November 19th, 2011
7:28 am

That app doesn’t sound at all helpful! I am sure you will do your 1/2 in the future (says the girl nursing the sore achilles hoping to do her own 1/2).

Hang in there! You can run all winter in Texas!

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