Y’all KNOW stuff. All kinds of stuff. And I have a few questions y’all might be able to answer. If you have time.

I didn’t want to bother you. So I checked with google and scared myself to pieces. Then I called my doctor’s office and left a very embarrassed sounding voicemail for a nurse that I’m SURE will be replayed on speaker for all to hear because I did a crazypants bang-up job on it.

So. Let’s delay this by setting the scene.

I was sitting at my dining room table with my mom. We were talking. Laughing. Eating. Drinking. Petting dogs and hanging out after a school function. As I talked, I played with my diet coke can and the little ring pull thing kinda fell into the can. Oops.

(I KNOW. I am SUCH the idiot. You know me too well.)

So I hear a little click sound the next time I take a drink. I realize it was the ring pull thing-y hitting my teeth on the beginning of its journey straight into the depths of my body and so I respond to this intrusion with a geyser-like spewing of carbonation all over the table.

“I JUST SWALLOWED THAT THING-Y!”

“No, you didn’t.”

My mom has seen my geyser-like spewing many a time, for many a reason, and never once before is it because I swallowed the ring pull thing.

“YES I DID.”

“No you did NOT. KELSEY!”

(she says my name as if I’m in biiiiiig trouble with my mama.)

“MOTHER! I DID! And I can’t fix it now, it’s GONE.”

I open my mouth and show her. I shake the can and there isn’t a metallic sound of ring pull hitting the side of the can.

“Well, I can’t believe you did that and right in front of your mother.”

The funny thing was, I couldn’t either. But really, it’s actually rather amazing that I’ve NEVER done that before. It’s EXACTLY the stupid sort of thing I’d do. (And now I have. Check!)

So. There’s some mild discomfort. There have been about five metallic burps. (I’M SORRY. THAT’S NASTY. I KNOW. NORMALLY I WOULDN’T MENTION IT, BUT IT’S KINDA RELEVANT.) Also, I feel a strong inclination to recycle. (no, not really.)

Is it okay? Because I cannot be trusted to blow something off as okay because the last time I did that my hand was broken and it’s still not totally better. I need to know if this is REALLY okay to blow off as ‘eh. it’ll work its way on out eventually’ or not.

This google find had me SO glad that I didn’t understand half the difficult, anatomy type words. But there are actual cases cited in which it did NOT work its way on out and BAD THINGS HAPPENED.

So then I went to the kitchen and pretended that the logical treatment was another diet coke (no fiddling with the ring pull thing allowed) and some plain m&ms. Emotional eating. That’s what I did.

I’m only mildly concerned. On a Scale of Concerned, I’m a 3-4 out of 10 I think.

Caden-7yr ate a dime once and he was fine. But dimes are smaller and don’t have sharp parts.

I told my mom that if I weren’t such an idiot I wouldn’t have anything to write about.  She thought for a moment and then said, “Yes, you would… You know you have to go through a metal detector at the airport tomorrow, right?”

And then I HADN’T thought about that (quick trip for a bridal-y thing for LaLa) and I did one of those horrible gasp-y inhale things and THEN it kinda hurt a lot more in the chest area and in a metallic way that I might be imagining but I’m really not sure.

Input welcome. (Thanks.)

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the new irritating thing about the iphone software is you can tell exactly when someone reads your text and ignores it.  So, at 12:53 Mike read the text that informs him that there is a chunk of aluminum in his wife and he DOES NOT RESPOND.  Sure, he’s working. While I’m at home laughing it up and ingesting diet coke hardware, the man is working. BUT STILL. Care a little. I waited an hour and then sent another text stating: “there is a foreign object in my body. You should react.”

And yet… no.

iphone: this is not an improvement.

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