Monday, January 23rd 2012

As in… the 3rd part of the 3 part series detailing LaLa’s wedding. I know you thought I forgot. I didn’t. I’ve just been consumed with life and details and angst and last night I saw a child vomit into a trashcan and it was BRIGHT pink because I’d just given him pepto bismol and I’m still scarred.

And now you are, as well.

My apologies.

Here, let me distract you from that.

After LaLa’s wedding to The Groom (totally need a new name for him), there was much un-decorating and cleaning to be done. LaLa thanked Seth-6yr for his attendance and complimented his attire and manners and ushering. She asked him what his favorite part of the day had been.

“WELL. Dad took us swimming today at the hotel and that was really good.”

Fortunately, LaLa was charmed by his candor.

Not long after that one of the boys came and got me because they needed to confess that they had managed to throw some sort of globby toy up at the ceiling and it had stuck. I went and looked. I believed them, of course, because they don’t tend to need to make up false confessions in order to spice up the disciplinarian measures in their lives. If they say they stuck a globby toy on the ceiling, then it is true at the VERY LEAST that there is one globby toy on the ceiling, whether it can be seen or not.

I strongly suspect that the true motivation of the confession was not guilt over this misdeed. They wanted to see if I could somehow retrieve it and give it back to them so they could wreak more havoc with it once I walked away to fold tablecloths again. But this was not to be.

I was tired. I gave a half hearted lecture on globby toy etiquette, wedding edition, and figured it might rain down on a bride some other day when we were all long gone across the state and there was nothing I could do about it anyway.

We left and the three boys sat side by side in the backseat of our rented car. Ethan-11yr was the first to complain about the itchiness of his dress shirt. He said he was considering taking it off.

“I wouldn’t,” said Seth-6yr.

But within minutes they had all removed their shirts and then were in the backseat in slacks and cowboy boots and they began the process of analyzing body hair. OF COURSE.

“I have fur,” Seth-6yr announced. But when he says fur, it comes out FFFHHHUR.  ”Yes. I have FFFHHHUR in my armpits. SEE?” And he elbows both brothers at once (OW! and OW!) as he lifts his arms to show off that he has some pit lint.

“Oh yes. Well. That is very natural for me,” Caden-7yr says. Caden-7yr is bleakly accepting of the misconception that he has excessive body hair, and he laments it at every opportunity. And when he says ‘natural’ it comes out as “NATCH-uhrull.” He elbows a brother (OW!) as he lifts his arms to show off his perfectly normal amount of baby fine blond non hairy armpits. “Fur is NATCH-uhrull on me.”

“Just because we don’t have shirts on does not mean we have to talk about it, guys,” Ethan-11yr says. He may have been the first to strip off, but he is the least likely to want to discuss such things.

The next day, Monday, we made our way to the airport and returned the rental car. Then we learned that our hometown was besieged with high winds and blowing dirt and we might not get home as flights were canceled and delayed. That sort of thing happens here from time to time. Which is why the throw cushions on my outside furniture are probably in the next county.

We rented the biggest SUV we could find and drove home instead. I’m the designated Long Haul Driver. Except. i don’t drive at night. So I drove as long as I could, and then maybe TOO long because when I finally gave up and turned into a Dairy Queen parking lot it was a little darker than usual for me and I almost took out a road sign and created a new, alternate  entrance.

I don’t really see all that well at night. It’s NATCH-uhrull for me, what can I say?

Mike did dramatic arm flapping motions and screaming sounds (but no actual words) and it was ALL FINE and I found the humor of it all MORE than enough to make up for it.

And then he drove the rest of the way.

The end.



6 Comments on “After”

January 23rd, 2012
2:43 pm

I’m very glad to see the word “almost” before the whole taking out road sign, creating new entrance thing.

I had no idea that blowing dirt could be so bad as to stop air traffic. We get that all the time with snow and ice here, but dirt storms are an entirely foreign concept to me.
Geekwif recently posted..European Vacation – Germany – More Castles and The End

January 23rd, 2012
5:52 pm

When we lived in Midland when I was a kid, we had dust storms so bad that a sealed jar of peanut butter had dirt in in afterward. I hate dust/dirt storms. So glad y’all made it home safely!
Jan recently posted..On a Winter’s Day

January 23rd, 2012
7:35 pm

Hey Jan, I was born & raised in Big Spring. Do you remember dirt boogers because the dust storms were so bad? Yuck, speaking of, we just drove home from Kansas yesterday and the dirt was so bad between Wichita Falls and Seymore that my headlights turned on. Hello, tornado season.

As for Mr. Groom, I still think his name needs to be “Ooh”, as in “Ooh, Lala”. Or maybe Mr. Land, as in “Lala Land”. Of course Lala sounds slightly like a stripper name, so maybe we could rename them both.

Oh my, I am on a roll. I had better go before I get renamed…
Melissa recently posted..Strong Mommy

January 23rd, 2012
9:01 pm

Melissa, I remember. Yuck! I also remember a day my mama was trying to get me ready for a special occasion. She bathed me, shampooed my hair, and put a clean dress on me. I went outside, into the dirt storm, shile she was dressing. When I went back in the house, she had to start all over! She said there was no way to comb the dirt out of my hair, and when she ran water over, the water turned to mud in the sink.
Jan recently posted..On a Winter’s Day

January 24th, 2012
3:50 pm

I have nothing witty to add, other than I too have personal knowledge of the dirt storm issues mentioned above, and that my imagining of Mike flapping his arms and wordlessly screaming as you almost took out a road sign had me laughing so hard my new boss is wondering about my sanity. I’m telling her I’ve been reconciling accounts for too long today.

January 24th, 2012
7:58 pm

No dirt storms here, but I am really bad at driving at night. I have a very hard time seeing and CANNOT judge distances. As for the Pepto Bismol, just be glad it went into the trash can….we have a big pink stain on the carpet in one of the boys’ rooms…
JB recently posted..Christmas is over

Leave a comment

CommentLuv badge