Tuesday, January 17th 2012
“Before”

LaLa got married! I’m overwhelmed at the task of telling y’all about it because there’s just so much to say. (it was beautiful. she was beautiful. that’s the short version.)

Lists. We need lists to break down the past few days of stress, happiness, joy, wedding stuff, and the chaos that tagged along uninvited. so I’m thinking ‘before’, ‘during’ and ‘after.’   but we’ll see how long they go and decide how many posts come of it later.

 

Pre-Wedding List:

1.  I arrived ON TIME, and whoah, PACKED, and ready for my flight. Off to a good start. Then I accidentally chose a seat in front of a college “spirit squad.” Male and female members of this group all spoke loudly, and in high-pitched chipper voices, and ALL of their sentences ended in question marks even though no one was asking anyone anything. Let’s disguise our declarative sentences! Ready? OKAY!

They all looked like normal (although overly groomed) people when I picked that seat. It was a fakeout. None of them said ANYTHING until after takeoff, otherwise I would have changed seats as soon as I heard the first, “Yes? I’D LOVE THAT…? I REALLY WOULD…? I’M ORIGINALLY FROM HOUSTON? I… LIKE THAT NEW DANCE WE LEARNED LAST WEEK….?”
I thought I’d DIE. There was a really upset Yorkie across the aisle from me and I actually tried to focus on his incessant yapping because that was TOTALLY MORE PLEASING TO THE EAR. That Yorkie was getting a lot of dirty looks, but seriously? He was trying to drown out the ‘spirit team’ and he was the only passenger sensible enough to come up with a strategy. Later, at baggage claim, I talked to the Yorkie’s doggie mama about him and whispered to him through his carrier about how well he’d done. I wouldn’t normally have done that, but I felt a debt of gratitude to him. (Although I have since, inexcusably,  forgotten his name. No, it wasn’t Niles.) But no one had given him noise canceling headphones, and we were in that hell of superfluous question marks together, and we survived together.

2. Before the wedding there was shopping to be done.

My mom needed shoes. I needed nothing. My sister needed everything from candles to batteries to plastic plates and rust colored flowers which are NOT in season and thus impossible to find. Although Mom and I tried MIGHTILY and went to 6 or 7 places looking. Please do not tell me where we could have gone or that you have some in bloom right now. I mean it. Don’t.

3. My two cousins from the Midwest arrived. On this blog, I often refer to one cousin as HolyCousin. Her sister shall now be referred to as HolyCousin of the Midwest. Partly because she likes to tell you where she comes from. Which drives her two teenagers nuts. But I don’t give out city names on this blog, so we’ll just say the Midwest, instead. HolyCousin of the Midwest and I spent rare quality time talking and crying and discovering our shared adoration for the exact same cheap mascara. (no. not the pink and green one y’all all love. a different one.) At one point I was crying and I’d JUST finished my makeup so I was trying to lean way over and turn my head upside down so maybe the tears would just fall straight out of my eyes and onto the carpet instead of running down my face. That works, by the way, if you just have one or two tears. But if you’re crying your fool head off, just GIVE UP, cry it out, and then re-do your face.

4. Wedding Rehearsal.

I’ve mentioned that my dad gives… painful hugs. There are often abrasions and bruises, scrapes and sometimes there’s blood. In fact, that day when he arrived at the Rehearsal, my hug from him left my right ear so scraped that it went completely numb and I kept pulling at it and hitting it to see if feeling had returned. (if anyone wondered why the matron of honor was repeatedly hitting herself in the head throughout the rehearsal, THAT WOULD BE WHY.)

So when the officiant said, “This is when the bride’s father will turn and hug the bride…“, LaLa and I both were quite vocal about NUH UH, BUT NoooOOooo, that will NOT be happening.  He mighta VERY SWEETLY and totally unintentionally knocked her flat on her bridal butt right there at the pivotal handing off to the groom moment.  So it was then amended that the father of the bride would instead kiss the bride on the cheek. He is good at that.

5. After the rehearsal, we had the opportunity to stay and decorate the venue. This is KEY. This was unexpected. This meant that the layout, floorplan, and decorations could be supervised by the bride herself, instead of done the next day by everyone else and Bride Panic ensuing because maybe it’s not getting done juuuuuust right, per her 11 pages of detailed documentation. This was perhaps the very best thing that could have happened that day, and it did. Although at one point I had the job of hanging miniature Christmas lights under tables, and I just pulled the floor length tablecloths down and disappeared completely and enjoyed the sort of peace that one can only find by hiding under a table. It was nice.

6. Daddy, QUITE SHOCKINGLY, changed his hugging style. We had no idea this was even possible. We’ve begged and pleaded and joked and held How To Embrace tutorials and prayed that the man might learn to hug like a normal human. And… perhaps the “You Can’t Hug the Bride” thing inspired him. I don’t know. But I got at least THREE mostly normal and not painful hugs from him after the wedding and that is THREE more than I have EVER gotten before and each time I was all, OH MY GOSH, HE HUGGED ME RIGHT!!! HE DID IT!!!! DID Y’ALL SEE THAT?! I am soooo proud. I really had no idea he had it in him. I thought it was completely impossible. It must take a great deal of concentration.

Right before the wedding, the photographer was going to take a picture of LaLa and Daddy and me and he hugged me and DIDN”T hurt me, but he did dig his fingers into my side in such a horrifically tickle-y manner that I completely freaked out on him. And there is now a photo of LaLa (looking at the camera, all gorgeous and bridal) and Daddy (looking at the camera, laughing his head off ) and me (side profile, yelling and glaring at him as if I’m about to start punching.)

7. LaLa’s dear friend did her makeup. This is NO small feat because LaLa has an eye related phobia that sorta prevents any discussion, contact, messing with her eyes or she just loses it altogether. You can’t really even talk about anything eye related, even if the eyes in question aren’t hers. Her friend (who is more like a little superhero than a mortal) overcame the eye thing and made it look easy and of course she did an amazing job on her makeup, too. I don’t think anyone else on the planet could have done that. Really.

8. LaLa’s Other, Countless Friends showed up from all areas of the country and were lovely. Some of them I’d met years ago, and most of them I knew only through Lala’s descriptions over the years.

9. HolyMiMi (my stepmom) did a WHOLE lot of food stuff for various gatherings and it was all delicious. She was not asked to do this. She just offered. It was wonderful.

10. Daddy gave my sister and me gorgeous, GORGEOUS, gorgeous diamond earrings. I said, “it’s okay… you could do something nice for LaLa and her wedding without having to do the same thing for me…” but I was beyond thrilled and I probably didn’t even mean that, it was just the right thing to say. My ears aren’t even pierced. They used to be. Daddy remembered this, and I assured him that the earrings were so gorgeous I might need to shove them through my earlobes and just drip blood down the aisle in the name of pretty jewelry. If he’d hug me twice, using his old hugging technique, THEN my ears would be suitably numb and it probably wouldn’t even hurt to do that.

11. My mom enjoyed providing childcare for the two newest, cutest sweetest little grandkids. I don’t know what to call them. Not their real names, of course. But they’re 4 and 2, and they love LaLa and she loves them.

12. HolyCousin. Oh… HolyCousin.  She’s the one who can get everything done the right way, ahead of time, and more efficiently and gracefully than anyone else, and you’ll usually not even have noticed that there was a problem in the first place before she’s already finished fixing it. It’s an interesting set of skills I don’t quite understand but I always enjoy seeing in action. When she isn’t in that particular mode, she’s taking gorgeous pictures that catch a unique angle or an unexpected viewpoint. Her boyfriend is really nice – they are SO cute together – and he’s smart enough to see the rare talent she is.

13. LaLa put together a beautiful weekend of events and gatherings and brought together the people she loves in order to celebrate how much she and The Groom adore each other. The list of details and plans and things that needed to be done in order to pull this off was staggering. She did it. I never, EVER could have. (0kay, I wouldn’t have wanted to. I’m a ‘hang out under a table alone’ kinda girl. but still.)

I think that’s all the “Before.” Of course, I’m probably wrong, and it’s really going to screw up my “during” and “after” posts if I think of a lot of good “before” stuff then.

Eh. It’s okay.

AND IT JUST HAPPENED. I was going to tell y’all about this amazing smoked salmon, wilted spinach, diced tomato, herby cream cheese egg white omelet. And is it on the list? no.

and… I totally left out the mani/pedi thing where our mom accidentally got a really trashy looking manicure (she’s never had one before, and had no idea that color was really Hooker’s Favorite Neon Shell Pink) and then had it re-done. LaLa held my hand during the pedi, because GEEZ IT TICKLES and then LaLa kinda bumped her hand and messed up her nails and had a couple re-done. I had a really REALLY tacky french manicure that tickled my spine into a backwards C shape with the top of my head planted into the back of the seat so that I could withstand the Emory Board Torture Section. We three are…. really not good at manicures.

 

Okay. no more. promise.

 

 

 

~hm

6 Comments on ““Before””

1
Geekwif
January 17th, 2012
8:55 pm

#3 – I must know what the favorite cheap mascara is, if you don’t mind sharing. I hate the pink and green stuff. The only mascara I’ve found that I like is Clinique – definitely not cheap.

#5 – I would totally have been under the next table over. Sometimes that’s just the only way to continue breathing.

#7 – I totally get the eye thing. I’m okay with doing my own makeup (though I have been known to poke myself in the eye – ick), but I really don’t like getting makeovers because I’m just sure that they are going to poke me in the eye and that would be 10 times worse than poking myself in the eye.

#13 – I wish I could go back 19 years and have LaLa plan a wedding weekend for me. Hers sounds absolutely lovely and wonderful so far. I’m looking forward to hearing about the During and After parts.

Also, the omelet sounds SO yummy! I may just have to try making one like it.
Geekwif recently posted..European Vacation – Germany – More Castles and The End

2
Jan
January 17th, 2012
10:06 pm

What fun! Wish we could have been there! Waiting with baited breath ( looked that up==it means that your breath is abated, or that you are holding your breath–I always wondered what it meant, and now that I know, I wanted to throw it in) for the during and after chapters!!
Jan recently posted..On a Winter’s Day

3
Kelsey
January 18th, 2012
8:56 am

GW

i like maybelline volum (no ‘e’) express in waterproof because i am constantly crying. usually from laughing.

that omelet would be worth the effort. SOOOO yummy.

jan

you looked up baited breath? that’s funny. i believe your definition, but it always makes me think ‘fish breath’ instead. : )

oh! not that you are watiting with fish breath. ha. that’s not exactly what i meant!

4
Jan
January 18th, 2012
12:07 pm

I misspelled it. It should have been “bated”, not “baited”.
Are you going to get your ears pierced, so you can actually *wear* these gorgeous earrings? Or are you just going to look at them in private?
Jan recently posted..On a Winter’s Day

5
Jan
January 18th, 2012
12:08 pm

And it is entirely possible that I might have fish breath, since we eat a lot of fish. But if you will excuse me, I’m goiong to brush my teeth, and drink about half a bottle of mouthwash right now. Cuz…gee…fish breath…
Jan recently posted..On a Winter’s Day

6
Sara
January 19th, 2012
8:34 am

Sounds like fun all around. I’m glad Lala had a wonderful wedding. :)

Leave a comment

CommentLuv badge