Thursday, January 26th 2012
Silver Hearts, Silver Studs (sounds like a trashy book title, right?! i should write that! i’ll include fringed chaps.)

When I have something going on in Life that I am not quite ready to discuss with people, I tend to end conversations abruptly and dash away before i can either accidentally spill my guts (because i do that even when i don’t mean to) or somehow give something away by the expression on my face that will invite questions.

And with y’all, I just disappear.

None of that feels terribly honest, and it bothers me. So I’ll just tell you instead that hey, there’s some Life stuff going on and I’ll get to it in a few weeks, tops, and in the meantime let’s talk about other stuff.

Other Stuff:

I sorta pierced my ears yesterday. Daddy had given me those SO pretty diamond hoops before LaLa’s wedding and it got me wondering if my old ear holes still worked. I haven’t worn earrings in 12ish years. i thought probably not. But I’m having a Life Moment that makes you want to go out and get a tatoo or a piercing. Except that I’m not really a tattoo or piercing type. But if I WERE, then this would be the time to get a gigantic eagle across my stomach or a bellybutton ring with swarovski crystals.

(i’d NEVER. if you’re new here, just trust me. there’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s not me. for one thing, I’m insanely ticklish and a gigantic eagle tat would inevitably turn out to be one diagonal line, like when you’re writing and someone scares you and your pencil shoots off across the page? i’d have the tattoo version of that because I’d get tickled and jump and screw it all up. that probably isn’t even possible with tattoos. but what do I know?)

So instead of a tattoo or a bellybutton ring, I decided I’d just investigate the 12 year neglected ear holes. I’m all crazy like that.

And…? It hurt. But it was successful. I have these little silver hearts in my ears that are sort of sculpted and rough around the edges. Not overly sweet looking hearts, you know? They were called “tough love” and the name appealed to me. So I shoved the tough love hearts through my earlobes and then tried to distract myself with cleaning yesterday so that I wouldn’t stare at my throbbing, bright red ears in the mirror.

That experiment is working out well so far. I’ll work my way up to the diamond hoops.

An experiment that did NOT go well, in the Beware of Online Clearance Items category, I learned an important lesson:

There’s almost always a REASON something is oddly deeply discounted and in the online clearance section. At least try to think of what that reason might be before purchasing.

I did not do this. And I ended up with a really cute pair of lace trimmed blue panties with what I thought were silver polka dots. THEY WERE NOT SILVER POLKA DOTS.

They were silvery metal STUDS.

Have you ever worn lace trimmed blue panties with  silver studs? OF COURSE NOT. No one should.

Who cares if they’re cute, because you keep thinking you have some odd crumb or pebble or something in your PANTS. Like, EVERY TIME YOU SIT. And then you’re all shifty, like someone in a hemorrhoid commercial. So you move, and dang, but THERE IT IS AGAIN.  Except, it’s not the same stupid stud, it’s a different one and there is NO escape.

And that’s only the best part. Because you decide, okay this is dumb, but I’ll just hang in there for the rest of the day and then throw them away later ONLY TO FIND OUT THAT WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF, YOUR BUTT IS COVERED IN PERFECTLY SPACED DENTS.

Like, HELLO, did you want some CELLULITE today? Because HERE IT IS.  The Illusion of Cellulite Panty, just in case you don’t have enough, now on sale, gets yours today!!

Anyway. I threw that ‘bargain’ away.

Shop carefully, y’all, shop carefully.

 

~hm

8 Comments on “Silver Hearts, Silver Studs (sounds like a trashy book title, right?! i should write that! i’ll include fringed chaps.)”

1
LaLa
January 26th, 2012
12:31 pm

We’re going to start calling you Golf Ball.

Tough Love Golf Ball.

(I deliberately left off the word “Butt” at the end of that new name. Because we’re all ladies here.)

2
Geekwif
January 26th, 2012
3:14 pm

I like to pretend that I’m a tattoo-y kind of girl. Not the tattoos-all-over kind, but the tasteful-tattoo-in-a-place-it-can-be-covered-up-if-necessary kind. But I’m too cheap, afraid I’ll cry because it hurts, and can’t decide what and where to put it. And now I’m 40 and realizing that there is no place that is not susceptible to sagging/wrinkling eventually so maybe it’s not such a great idea after all.

There really is something kind of sweet about you self-re-piercing your ears because your dad gave you earrings. Just be sure to use peroxide on your ears so they don’t get infected. Sorry. Not trying to be mom-ish. I just worry about these kind of things.
Geekwif recently posted..A Tale of Two Tales – and One Bag – In Three Parts

3
Jan
January 26th, 2012
5:20 pm

Silver studded panties. Were these by chance from the Fredrick’s of Hollywood catalog?
GW, That’s what I think about when I see all those young girls with huge tattoos. what will it look like, once the skin begins to sag and/or wrinkle?
Jan recently posted..Once Upon a Time

4
HolyPaw-Paw
January 26th, 2012
7:19 pm

No we are not all ladies here! Just saying Dimple Butt does not have to wear those earrings if she doesn’t want to. She can return them if she wants or trade them for something – something not tatooy.

5
JB
January 27th, 2012
11:47 am

Hmmmm….I’m thinking those silvery studded panties could come in handy….”no that is not cellulite on my butt, I’ve been wearing studded panties…” Ok, maybe not!
Hope you are able to work through whatever is going on.
JB recently posted..To Whom It May Concern

6
Melissa
January 27th, 2012
1:11 pm

Jan,

I work in a nursing home. I see a lot of end-stage tattoos. Not pretty. A co-worker of mine and her husband bought a Harley. She decided she need a skank tag (aka, tramp stamp) right above her buttocks on the pelvis, you know, one of those that trickle down to the crack. She is over 50. Not pretty.

Anywho,

HM, totally understand the life stuff. Share when you are ready, meantime I will pray for you.
Melissa recently posted..Strong Mommy

7
Jennifer Sullivan
January 27th, 2012
1:52 pm

You could have just been honest and said you tried to pierce your butt and it didn’t go well. We would have understood. : )

LaLa, I had to use the word butt! Dimple Butt, ha ha. Maybe I am not the most mature person here, I’m okay with that. dimple butt… Butt really, who would put studs on underwear? Imagine going through airport security wearing those.
Jennifer Sullivan recently posted..Hello Again…

8
LaLa
January 30th, 2012
1:56 pm

There are many, many things I love about my family. Not least of which is that I’m proudly related to Dimple Butt and Holy PawPaw. They rock.

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