Thursday, February 16th 2012
Once Upon A Time…

If you could choose between a fairytale, better-than-your-wildest-dreams marriage.… and a fairytale, better-than-your-wildest-dreams divorce…. you’d pick the first one, right? wouldn’t we all?

I never had a fairytale marriage. Are those real?

But I am having a fairytale divorce.

I’ve been inching toward this decision for 4 1/2 years. Then, in September, I found the lovely therapist lady and told her I was considering it. My mind certainly wasn’t made up. But I wanted someone with objectivity, who shared my faith, to go through it with me, as long as it took and then whenever we were through looking at all the angles, I’d be able to say, “I considered it thoroughly. And this is why I am – or am not – going to get a divorce.” And then once I had that clarity,  go on with my life.

And that’s what happened. She walked me through the indecision and the issues and our past and present and future issues and kid issues and God issues and she’s still doing that, and I’m so glad. OH, I needed her. I still do.

I talked to Mike about it a month ago. And I was FULLY prepared to resist his charm. His repeated and impassioned requests for me to reconsider. A heartfelt plea or a big expensive gesture that would be offered in order to try to convince me to change my mind.

But… none of that was necessary. He didn’t exactly say, “GREAT. I AM SO GLAD, OUTTA HERE!” but he sure didn’t try to change my mind either.  I would have liked the opportunity to stoically say, “I’m sorry. But my mind really IS made up.” But whatever.

Mike moved out yesterday. We talked and laughed and enjoyed each other during the hours the movers were here more than we did on any date in the last ten years.

Just now he brought me a gorgeous new tool set with a million drill bits and wrenches and pliers and much more that I can’t wait to try out, because he’d taken all of his tools and knew I’d miss them.  And he actually just now cleaned the cat’s butt because it needed it and because I’ve never been the cat butt cleaner and I’ll be that eventually if it’s ever needed again (oh i hope not), but it didn’t have to be TODAY.

The kids were very upset when we told them on Saturday. Then we ate dinner and all curled up and watched a movie together. And ever since then they’ve been exceptionally peaceful about all of life in ways that I never would have expected and still do not understand. They’re excited about many of the new things happening and are choosing to focus on that instead of the sadness, I suppose. They seem more at ease now than they did a week ago when they still didn’t know, but there was this unknown force and tension in the house that was making us all cranky.

Now everything is out in the open and they’re not cranky.

I’m figuring out my life, and where it will go and what I’ll do and for now and I am just so grateful for these kids, for God’s grace over all of us right now, for Mike right this second, and for this (so far) really lovely divorce.

Last week I saw a bumper sticker that said “i heart my marriage!” and I rolled my eyes and wondered why it didn’t read “I heart my husband”? But whatever. Mine would read: “I heart my divorce!” Or, “I heart my soon to be ex husband!” But I guess they don’t make bumper stickers like that.

This morning I was really grateful because I accidentally spray painted the inside of an Escalade* and I thought, “Ha!! Any other day in the last 15 years I would have felt morally obligated to call Mike and confess that i just did that…” Not that he would have been upset. But still. I didn’t have to do that. And that’s a new thing to appreciate.

 

*I didn’t mean to. Obviously. I wasn’t even holding the spray paint can. I was actually DRIVING. It was a lever/trigger style can I had just purchased and something else that was heavy rolled into it and smushed it into the ON position and I heard this “SSSSSsssssSSSSsssssSSSS” sound and I dont have much of a sense of smell so I just kept driving and wondering if the kids’ headphones were on or what that sound could be, and then there was a definite fume-i-ness going on so I pulled over and… yeah. There’s not a paint mess, really, as that was all contained. It just smells AWFUL in there. it’s exactly the kind of dumb thing you don’t want to do EVER, but especially not right after you get over a massive respiratory thing.

(I love you all.)

~hm

12 Comments on “Once Upon A Time…”

1
Ange
February 16th, 2012
3:15 pm

Gosh, 2012 is starting to feel like the year of the divorce, isn’t it?!

All the best to you and Mike.
Ange recently posted..Lent 2012

2
Melissa
February 16th, 2012
4:16 pm

I don’t have any words of wisdom for you – I have been on that fence for a very, very long time. What God has been speaking to me in and through this will be totally different than what He will speak to you in your quiet moments.

Father, I bring HM and Mike to you today, asking that You give both of them wisdom and discernment. Father, I ask that You step in where needed. You are the Great Physician, and I believe that is so much more than physical as it is spiritual and emotional. Father, I ask that You do what You do best, which is to redeem and restore, guide and direct actions and paths. I pray for HM and Mike to have clarity of vision Father. I pray all of this through Jesus Christ, Our Lord and Savior, Amen.

(((BIG hugs)))
Melissa recently posted..Slow going

3
Geekwif
February 16th, 2012
6:52 pm

I’m so sad for you that it had to be this way, but I’m glad that Mike is being supportive. I hope and pray that this is the start of a new and wonderful chapter in your life. God makes all things beautiful in his time, and He will do that for you.
Geekwif recently posted..An Opportunity Missed

4
Mother T
February 16th, 2012
8:15 pm

I’m praying for all of you! ((HUGS))
Mother T recently posted..Valentine’s Day 2012

5
Jennifer Sullivan
February 17th, 2012
12:28 am

YOu know I’m here for you.

I gotta ask – what color was the paint?
Jennifer Sullivan recently posted..Our weekend and then some…

6
Jennifer Sullivan
February 17th, 2012
12:30 am

Umm, my comment sounded heartless… Well, you know I’m not so I’m just gonna leave it at that. Feel free to delete this and the other crazy comment… jeez.

7
Nurse Chris
February 17th, 2012
7:50 am

I so want to fly to Texas and hug you right now! I have always felt a certain amount of guilt for the amazing gifts that I get from you (so many laughs, moments of clarity and the wonder of knowing that God is working through you to reach so many!) I feel like I get way more out of this “relationship” than you do. I hope it helps you to know that there are so many people out there reading, laughing and caring about you. Sending you love and prayers (and hugs).

Nurse Chris

8
Mysti
February 17th, 2012
1:50 pm

If you have to go through something like this, I’m happy that it’s as peaceful and not bitter as yours seems to be. I send hugs as well.

(And yeah – what color paint? Of course, if *I* was driving, and heard a “SSSSSsssssSSSSsssssSSSS” sound, my first reaction would be “aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa – SNAKE IN MY CAR!!!” then commence with the swerving and panicking and the pulling over to get out of my car and call someone to come get the non-existant snake out of my car.

But then – I’m weird that way. Hang in there lady. Sounds like God is holding you in his arms right now. And I’m happy for that.

9
Susan
February 17th, 2012
2:08 pm

You, Mike and the boys are all in my prayers. I’m so glad that you have God and a good therapist to get you through this time as well as family and friends who love you. Take advantage of the support of the people around you.

10
JB
February 18th, 2012
7:06 pm

My heart hurts for you and the boys. Divorce is hard whether it is amicable or not but I am glad things are going smoothly for you. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
JB recently posted..Tough day

11
Sara
February 19th, 2012
7:55 am

I’ll be praying for all of you, may God’s grace just continue to cover you. This news makes me sad but from all the years I’ve been reading your blog, I know that you are so in touch with God. So just thanking Him that He has you all in His hands, and that for something so difficult, it is not going badly.

12
emily
February 19th, 2012
9:56 pm

I hope it all plays out as smoothly as possible & that you all come out the other side stronger & happier. My thoughts & prayers are with you!

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