Today I’m home with Seth-6yr. For some reason, by the time our kids say, “you know… my ear hurts just a tiny bit” they are actually already in need of an emergency room because something is about to burst and they just didn’t feel it before. If a kid even TOUCHES an ear, mike and I start making medical plans because a doctor will invariably look and say, “THAT IS THE WORST EAR INFECTION I HAVE EVER SEEN. WHY IS THIS KID NOT FALLING DOWN SCREAMING IN PAIN?”
We’ve heard it a lot. With all of them. I guess they just have incredibly high pain tolerance in their ear parts. Or no nerve endings. I don’t know. We’re venturing into anatomy issues there, and my extreme ignorance is showing. All I know is that seth-6yr was FINE yesterday and he said… “huh. my ear...” and i told Mike, and then Mike had him at a doctor within two hours and it was BAD and then we were all up all night and it’s a pattern we’ve gone through lots of times around here.
So i made Seth-6yr couscous for lunch and he requested it to be served alongside pistachios and sesame sticks. I had sushi for breakfast with a side of potato chips, so I didn’t object to his request. Quiet day.
Yesterday afternoon I hunted for a bed. I wanted something smaller than what we currently have, and girly. Really, i wanted an old wooden bed with pretty curvy lines that I could get for cheap and then strip and paint how I want. Not that I know how to do that. Yet. But I’ll learn.
My first stop was at a consignment store my mom suggested. She’d gotten a great table there a couple years ago. I was on the lookout for anything chippendale or french provincial looking. And in a back room, on a counter, I saw something as I was walking out the door. Not what I was looking for, but eye-catching in any case. It looked like a cat. Asleep in a basket. I went back to get a closer look and screamed. It was a totally involuntary, unintentional scream – I generally don’t like to make a scene.
It was definitely a cat. In a basket. A TAXIDERMIED CAT IN A BASKET.
Not asleep, as I first thought, but more like DEAD and STUFFED, which is WAY different in my opinion. I made myself get closer and I held out my phone over it so that i could take a picture. Sometimes I do that just because I know that later I’ll tell my mom and she’ll say, “did you take a picture?” So I took a picture. And i was glad i have REALLY long arms because i didn’t want to get any closer to the dead cat than I had to. When I looked at my picture, I noticed that the tag read “not for sale.”
I suppose they had to put that there, because they were tired of the stampede of consignment shoppers who were constantly hauling the dead cat to the cashier station only to be told that no, I’m so sorry, but Fluffy is not for sale. I”m sure there was a REAL GREAT NEED for that and all, and only now that the tag reads ‘not for sale’ can the poor cat rest in peace.
Except for all the screaming women.
ICK. I got out of there.
I found a 100 yr old bed in need of new paint at an antique store for a good price, took a picture, bought it, and was glad that part of the project was over without hours of browsing. I hate hours of browsing.
Last night, Mom emailed me an eBay listing for a bed which fit my description. Of the BED. And on the bed was a GIANT TAXIDERMIED COW/MOOSE/SHEEP/GOAT/ I HAVE NO IDEA, AND GO AHEAD AND CLICK AND THEN YOU TELL ME WHAT IT IS/ HEAD.
Why didn’t they think that might put off a few prospective bidders? you know?
“Well, do you think we should remove the GIANT DEAD ANIMAL before we take the picture of the pretty bed?”
“Nah! Why? It shows ‘scale.’ Like when you put a penny in a picture of earrings so that they buyer knows how big they are. That’s what this blank-eyed dead animal is doing. No one minds the penny. No one would mind the lifeless livestock either.”
I mean, is that how it went? Or did NO ONE even consider raising the question of moving the head off the bed? As far as taxidermied animals go…. I’m not as bothered as I’m letting on. Sort of. I mean, if there’s a deer or a pheasant on a wall, FINE. It’s Texas. Whatever. I won’t look and wonder about its dead relatives who missed him or her and wistfully looked around the great outdoors forever in search of their lost loved one but it’ll take effort and it’s not a big deal. I’m really okay with it.
BUT. If there’s a giant dead animal with a weird two-tone effect in its fur lounging on a bed I may be interested in (and I’m not. mine was waaay cheap and didn’t come with dead stuff), or if there’s a dead CAT hanging around having to pretend to sleep in a basket to disguise its own deadness for all eternity… then I suddenly mind. Those two things are just not okay with me.
Because I’m SURE we all needed to clarify our preferences on taxidermy today. Come on, admit it. It was on your to-do list also.
And now i need to figure out the next part of this idea. If you know anything about refinishing furniture, by all means, please enlighten me!
* those ebay links won’t last long. act now if you want in on this bargain.
** I asked Seth-6yr. He says it’s a goat. I pointed out that it has antlers (you have to enlarge it to see) and asked if it maybe it were a deer. But he said no. And then he said that no one would want to buy a bed with goat hairs. EXACTLY.