Seth-6yr is enjoying the frequent usage of the word ‘random.’ He uses it well. And that’s reason enough for this post.
The Anatomical Section:
1. The cat got his annual ‘anti hairball’ Lion Cut. He’s… 13. When his long luxurious white fur is shaved off, his aging pectoral area is more on show than normal and he has the illusion of droopy, furry moobs. It makes me laugh. A lot. And then I feel bad. Because it’s bad enough to be a gorgeous longhair cat that got shaved without this further indignity.
2. New rule at our house: You CANNOT grab/scratch your crotch and then reach out to hold my hand. THAT”S NOT OKAY.
3. Another new rule: You CANNOT refer to your penis as “your number 1.” And i DO NOT CARE if you say it’s only because it LOOKS like a number one. That’s ALSO SERIOUSLY NOT OKAY.
4. The kids love to say “buttocks.” But they say it like a chicken clucking. Loud, shrill, emphasis on the second syllable: ”buh-TAAAAHHHHHX.” Over and over. I don’t know why. I don’t object though. It’s weird and so are they. And it could be so much worse.
5. I have outlasted the waiting period required in the state of Texas before you can get bangs. i think it’s longer than the required waiting period before a divorce is final or before you can get a handgun, and I think that’s as it should be. Some days, I’d like all three. But for now I have new bangs.
6. I’ve gained weight. I thought I was supposed to lose weight? Not pleased.
The Baseball Section:
1. Caden-8yr splits his time between playing 1st base and catcher on a sweet little team that hasn’t won a game yet. He does an excellent job.
2. seth-6yr splits his time between whatever position he is assigned and whatever part of the field in which there is action. It’s not his fault he can run fast enough to play ANY position at any time. And so he does. They have yet to win a game either. I refuse to care. The coaches are positive with the kids, and that’s all that matters to me.
3. Caden-8yr’s team actually wishes they could have Seth-6yr on their team. He practices with them, rather than sit by the car with me. They are awed by his ability to outrun every other kid who actually IS on their team.
4. Communication issues exist on both teams. Eh. Whatever. I could be more in the loop if I picked up a phone and called and asked stuff, but… ew. I’d rather not know stuff than touch a phone. (I may be part of the problem. Yes, I see that.)
5. The sweet umpire who looks like Santa has been worrying my mom and me for weeks now. He’s been using a chair this year. And he just doesn’t look well. And then tonight he walked off the field, assisted, and only emerged from Caden-8yr’s team’s dugout on a stretcher and into an ambulance and that was after Mike ran and got a requested aspirin and we were sure he was having a heart attack and dying right there in the 3rd inning in the dugout and it was AWFUL. It brought up sad memories for my mom and it was a highly emotional turn of events. I patted her leg and leaned forward so she couldn’t see. I prayed silently and yelled loud for Caden-8yr (because really? CAN”T WE JUST CALL THE GAME OVER AND GO HOME AND LET THE UMP HAVE SOME PRIVACY? NO ONE CARES RIGHT NOW ABOUT BASEBALL. REALLY.)
It was only heat exhaustion. We think. (Please pray for the sweet Santa ump.)
The Divorce Section:
1. After Mike moved out I got a smaller bed, moved it into a different corner of the bedroom and then fell out of it a lot. And now I don’t fall out of it. I think this is progress.
2. I’m avoiding the influx of new neighbors. They’re all out in their yards a lot and they look friendly so I don’t look at them and I pretend not to see them when they wave to me. It’s either THAT, or go say hi and tell them waaaay too much about my life and ending marriage that they don’t care about or want to hear but i have no social skills and sometimes if I DO say hello, then what follows is sometimes too personal. And no one needs that. (and if you don’t believe me, then you were NOT at a birthday party today where i told someone I do not know very well about the thanksgiving turkey penis and NO I DID NOT MEAN TO DO THAT but she mentioned that particular bakery and OUT THAT STUPID STORY CAME and then I didn’t quite realize how to SHUT MY STUPID MOUTH and I saw her face freeze into that expression of polite disapproval I am all too familiar with. AM. A. MORON. Let’s just let the neighbors think I’m rude instead. I am. But I’d rather be rude from a distance than accidentally get into more inappropriate turkey penis discussions, what is WRONG with me anyway?!)
3. Mike bought me a cat toy and a ‘public restroom survival kit’ and gave them to me at the baseball game tonight. I had no idea what to say. It was nice. And strange. And I think we’re both trying to figure out what is the new normal for us. And maybe we have a ways to go.
4. Haven’t actually ‘filed’ yet. Still waiting. On financial rearranging. This in-between is weird and stressful all on its own. Joint finances with someone there is no longer a joint relationship. Not ideal. Maybe we can move on soon.
5. I was afraid that the church people weren’t asking me to help with kids because of my scandalous almost divorcing status. But then they asked me to hang out with the toddlers this week and I was SO relieved. I’ve missed them.
The Friend Section:
1. I asked a friend to do a mud run with me. I’ve always wanted to, and this will be my first. SO excited. We are doing the shorter one mile run. The longer one has obstacles, and might require strangers to hoist your muddy butt over walls, etc, so I think maybe NOT. I’ll work up to that. Maybe.
2. Different friend and I were at a public restroom this week and a woman was on the phone. I HATE THAT. Both parts. The ‘being in a public restroom’ part and the ‘someone was on the phone’ part. It INFURIATES me. PUBLIC RESTROOMS ARE SORTA, KINDA PRIVATE. And the sound of someone twinkling is PRIVATE and not to be broadcast to space and back and to whomever is on the other end of that phone call. I wanted to loudly say that I WOULD BE WAITING TO TWINKLE UNTIL YOU HANG UP, THANKS. But I hate public restrooms so much that if I’m actually IN one, I can’t exactly back up that ultimatum. And? I don’t think she’d care. i was telling my friend how awful that was and she did NOT get it. “WHAT? Are you PMS-ing? LET IT GO.”
“EXCUUUUUUSE ME, BUT NO AND I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU EVEN ASKED ME THAT.”
And then she said that the woman was choosing those twinkle sounds and flushing sounds and I was all, “HELLO? THOSE ARE MY SOUNDS?! MIIIIIINE.” We did not exactly get the other’s view on that AT ALL, but it amused us.
3. And then we drove off to a Christian bookstore, where a woman in a black Mustang flew across the parking lot right at us and then gave the “WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?” hand signals even though she was the one cutting across the parking lot and my friend was driving down the clearly marked lanes as intended and THEN my sweet friend (who happens to LOOK and SOUND like an angel) got herself a case of road rage and was about to take off AFTER the black mustang and I grabbed the steering wheel and her right arm and yelled at her to stop and breathe and didn’t let go of her until the wild, not so angelic look was gone off her sweet face. And then she parked. And then I laughed at her until i cried because my angelic friend had almost gone completely NUTS on a woman just moments before going into a Christian bookstore to buy gratitude journals for her children and it made me just HURT from the laughing.
4. She’d had a rough week.
5. I’m still laughing.