this weekend.

has not been quiet.

and uneventful.

it’s been really eventful.

i’ve barely been home. i do not have energy for capitalization. or thought.

last night i was the designated driver for a group of friends celebrating a birthday. some of them thought i was really great at pool. but i’m not. i haven’t played pool in 10 years and i wasn’t any good then.

it’s just that i was sober and they weren’t and i finally got over my ‘hmmm what does the neckline do on this top if i lean over a pool table anxiety’ issue and decided no one cared and i wouldn’t either. i got home after 1. that is too late for me. i am too old for that. i should be home in bunny pajama pants watching bob phillips reruns.

but it was a nice night. no regrets. i’m just tired.

today. more of the same not at home-ness, but in a different way. no regrets. needed. but life gets in the way of life a lot lately.

i have this wonderful friend and we’re at similar places in life at the moment and if we aren’t getting me through my stuff, we’re getting her through hers. we laugh, cry, snort, talk forever, shop, listen, eat, pray, love, and learn. together. the dark places we’ve been and the secrets we held for others weighed us down and broke us and changed us in ways that we both thought were unique only to us. and then here is this friend. who has been in that oddly familiar, yet still different, place. the traps are much the same, but the circumstances are not.

finding a way out, and into new patterns of thinking and worth and speaking and acting is overwhelming. how nice to have a precious friend in exactly the same situation to take that walk with.

very grateful.

it’s kinda an exhausting walk, though. right at this moment.

(but worthwhile. i’m sure of it.)

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