Almost every year in the spring I ooh and ahh over the flowers. I’m thrilled with the bulbs bursting forth and I just HAVE to tell you about it. Every year. Even though it’s the same. Every year.
But not this year. I guess I was distracted. The flowers? They bloomed.
We did it.
I only mention it now because my favorite bulb catalog came in the mail today and I got all excited about next year’s blooms. I fell in love with a tulip called Tequila Sunrise.* And I think there was a similarly apricot-ish one called Sensual Touch, but that’s just ridiculous. That name is about enough to make me dislike it.
Actually, there’s no way I could order that tulip. Can you just imagine? Every March, walking by that pretty flower and thinking, “Oh! It’s my sensual touch. YEP. Right there, for a few fleeting weeks in the cold garden outside my bedroom window. Of COURSE that’s where it is. QUICK, appreciate it now before it DIES.”
That’s just not happening. Ruling that one out right now. Tequila Sunrise, it is. Even though the other one was prettier. WHATEVER.
Inappropriate names irritate me. This isn’t new. Last fall the boys played in their usual Christian soccer league. There was a little girls’ team called Lady Heat.
Now, come ON, Christian soccer people, but REALLY? Have you never read smut? I read some Danielle Steel** in junior high. And some other stuff later. And the stupid phrase Lady Heat is in enough of those novels that really NO one should be able to get away with naming a girls’ soccer team that. EVER.
And if they really didn’t know any better, well. Clearly they are holier than ME. And that’s what stopped me from sending an email. I wanted to, when I realized it was the only time in my life I could ever send an email to a church-y person with the subject line that read Lady Heat and it be totally LEGIT.
But I didn’t.
I didn’t want to get a reply back saying, “Um? What? What exactly DOES that mean? We don’t understand. Our purity is above this strange reproach of yours and please tell us what you are talking about.” And THEN I’d have to explain exactly what that phrase meant to nice Christians holier than me and then I’d feel terribly dirty in my Danielle Steel-ish knowledge and then at all the soccer games they’d be like, “Oh. There she is. THAT”S the mom with the dirty mind who wrote to us about re-naming Lady Heat.” And then others would say, “Oh yes. Well. What do you expect? Have you seen her flowerbeds? Sensual Touch tulips EVERYWHERE.”
It’s all so very avoidable.
*I think i tried tequila once and hated it. not that this is particularly relevant. but it’s that kind of post. but, then again, they all are that kind of post.
**i have NO idea if Danielle Steel ever used that phrase. To her credit, she may not have.